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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that most people are actually really bloody lovely?

20 replies

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 22/01/2025 01:34

I've recently experienced a close family bereavement. It has been very hard, of course, but I've been bowled over by the kindness of friends, neighbours and virtual strangers. There are so many lovely people in the world, and it gives me so much comfort to realise that.

We often see the worst of humanity online, but back in the real world, I genuinely believe that most people are fundamentally very kind and caring. Not sure if I've just been supremely lucky or whether "human nature" is actually pretty decent.

OP posts:
mainecooncatonahottinroof · 22/01/2025 01:38

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

I am glad you gained comfort and support from so many lovely people.

I'm cynical though - the nature of my job means I regularly come across real horrors of excuses for people. People can be really lovely, and people can be really vile.

Best wishes x

Garlicnorth · 22/01/2025 01:39

Yes, I agree. I'd also observe that most people are a whole lot weirder than we realise - but it's normally possible to just look at the loveliness and not enquire about the other stuff 😏

suburberphobe · 22/01/2025 01:43

I agree with you OP.

Most assholes only have themselves to blame.

I just avoid them.

Maxorias · 22/01/2025 01:45

I think some people are awful, some people are wonderful, and most of us fall somewhere in-between. Myself included. I also think that no one is awful or wonderful all the time. We have good days and bad days.

JMSA · 22/01/2025 01:46

I think most people fall somewhere in the middle. But you are right OP, there are many wonderful people around.
I'm glad that this gives you some comfort at a sad and difficult time Flowers x

GiddyRobin · 22/01/2025 01:50

So sorry for your loss, OP.

I'm inclined to agree though! I've been bowled over by kindness when we've had family health issues before. Our village is filled with kind people - recently became friends with a neighbour who was so kind to us during some heavy flu around Christmas. Before that, when DH was injured, the shocking kindness from villagers and work colleagues was astounding.

I don't pay attention to the grumps and miseries anymore. I've realised most are in the minority. If I smile at someone they smile back - even when I go to the city, so it's not like a "local thing for local people". If I chat to someone they'll usually chat back, same for smiles or even just a nod to let on.

It's very, very easy to get sucked into a downward spiral of "it's all shit", and I've been there when things have been. But each time I've always been amazed by the little kindnesses people have shown. Now I focus on them.

(Not to say there aren't days I trudge off in an absolute pissy mood. Of course there are! But then I catch onto myself and try and remember the kindness I've been shown. I try and pass it along. Unless someone is a total cunt, then they get my glare. 😂)

FinTheDog · 22/01/2025 01:52

Sorry for your loss.

I have some lovely people in my life, partner, children, a couple of other relatives and a close group of friends, but I don’t agree that most people are lovely. I wish they were.

Most people are ok on the surface but I’ve seen too many be spiteful, nosy, jealous, gossips etc. That seems to be human nature. I just keep my close circle fairly small.

Oblomov25 · 22/01/2025 03:34

No, I find most people quite ordinary, and some are awful and self centred. Few are truely lovely. When you meet them it's noticeable because rare.

Letsbe · 22/01/2025 04:58

I think if you believe and treat people as lovely they often become so.

pointswinprizes · 22/01/2025 05:01

I wouldn’t go that far. They’re alright.

malificent7 · 22/01/2025 05:23

I wish I felt the same.
They can be lovely but most people? Not sure.

Zanatdy · 22/01/2025 05:31

I agree. Close friend has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and it’s been heartwarming how our local community (groups friend was in) have rallied around to help. Money collected to buy some gifts, which was lovely and I received a lot. I had my friend to stay for the weekend, time is limited due to tumours in the brain and my lovely team at work arranged a delivery of some scones from The Cornish Company which were bloody lovely. A member of our group organised some chocolate pizza’s for her daughter and grandchildren. Everyone is checking in on me and my friend, making sure I am ok too. It’s heart warming to see the response. It’s just all so very sad and unfair but it’s made me see how many lovely people there are in the world.

Sorry for your loss and hope you’re doing aswell as you can be.

Globalwalker · 22/01/2025 06:12

I think people are a mix but I certainly don’t think most people are lovely at all.

You are lucky that you have had lovely people around you when you have had a bereavement. My DM died 4 months ago and not a single friend has asked how am I, not even a quick text, and I didn’t get a thinking of you/sympathy card from anyone at all. It’s really made me evaluate what people are like when you are in your worst situation in life.

Original poster
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 22/01/2025 14:13

I'm so sorry about your mum, @Globalwalker, and I'm sorry, too, that you haven't felt well supported by those around you at such a difficult time. That's rubbish. I hope you are OK.

Perhaps I have just been very lucky. I am sorry if my post has upset anyone who hasn't been quite so lucky.

OP posts:
SisterAgatha · 22/01/2025 14:17

I am sorry for your loss and really happy that you have supportive people around you x

Ive seen the worst of human nature since I was very small so sadly had to vote YABU. Hug your dear ones tight, you are lucky x

OriginalUsername2 · 22/01/2025 14:22

I haven’t experienced that myself in my personal life or when working with the public. I do feel happy for people that can feel like that though. I think you’re lucky.

A PP mentioned Cancer, which does seem to be an outlier - everyone knows to be kind when someone has Cancer. All the other illnesses, not so much.

Original poster
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 22/01/2025 14:28

SisterAgatha · 22/01/2025 14:17

I am sorry for your loss and really happy that you have supportive people around you x

Ive seen the worst of human nature since I was very small so sadly had to vote YABU. Hug your dear ones tight, you are lucky x

That's such a sad post. I'm sorry that you had such bad experiences when you were small. I hope that you have some good people around you now.

OP posts:
BBQPete · 22/01/2025 16:02

Letsbe · 22/01/2025 04:58

I think if you believe and treat people as lovely they often become so.

I agree with this to some extent.

Don't get me wrong, there are a tiny, tony minority of people who are really awful, but even the small number of people who are generally not nice, are often just being really defensive.
I think, most people, treated well, return that kindness most of the time.

Sorry for your loss OP, and I'm glad you have been supported by so many.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 23/01/2025 20:43

Letsbe · 22/01/2025 04:58

I think if you believe and treat people as lovely they often become so.

Not in my experience.

MargaretThursday · 23/01/2025 20:49

I agree. Most people mean well and don't want to upset others...

However it means that nasty people gain both ways because others don't want to upset them and give them the benefit of the doubt far too long.

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