Second child, just not now

[Indecisive72]

DD is a 1yo. Have always wanted 2 children, ideal age gap would be 2-2.5 years. Unexpected positive on a pregnancy test - means a 19 month age gap. Happily married, financial stable in that 6ish months won’t make a difference in terms of having second child. Can’t explain why, but just not feeling excited at being pregnant. Perhaps it is because I have just returned to work and got into a routine with work, nursery and life. Am only just feeling like myself post partum, and back to some sense of normality in life, and wanted to experience this for a bit longer before being pregnant again. Spoke to DD about how I feel (DD always wanted a less than 2 year age gap so they grow up together, we get out of nappy and sleepless nights phase sooner), and he asked what did you want to do in the next 6 months that will change whether we have this baby now? And honestly, nothing, apart from being me and enjoying a bit of stability in life, not feeling like my body isn’t mine, etc. I don’t know if I could go through with a termination, only to then start to try and conceive again 4-6 months later. We’re not getting any younger, child number 2 was always in the plan and still is, but I can’t explain/rationalise why I’m feeling this way. Maybe it just hasn’t sunk in yet…

It might be a challenging age gap, because 18months-2 is where they start to get challenging- tantrums etc. But they could be great playmates close in age, and though you won't get "back to normal" in between, you'll reach that stage of having more independent children sooner than you would if you wait longer.

We tried for another baby and got pregnant within a few months. Once I was pregnant I began to worry about how could I love another child as much and what if my first child feels less loved. Obviously it was fine and my eldest adored her little sister and of course you don't share the love you just grow more.

I conceived my second much quicker than I expected and I felt in a bit of shock, it was a few months earlier than I’d necessarily thought it would be and it took me about a week to settle into how I felt

It'll feel disruptive whenever it happens, so I would just soldier on! You'll settle into the new normal soon enough. :)

I conceived my 2nd straight away and was surprised since I was 39. There was a 19m gap between them. It's hard work and feel like we're just coming out of it now the younger one is 2.5y. I wasn't really excited the whole pregnancy -- just nervous about having to juggle 2. The gap does mean you get it done at the same time. They also have similar interests and abilities which makes it easier to manage (sometimes).