Doesn’t ever work with the other woman?

[Begjolene]

If you mr ex has left you for somebody else, did the relationship end up working out long term?

in hindsight are you glad they did it as you’re happier now?

It hasn't happened to me but there is a saying "when a man marries his mistress m, he creates a vacancy". And I think the minute the OW gets her prize, she must surely realise it's at the cost of her future piece of mind!

Yes and yes. 18 years later they are married and still together. Same with me. He cheated on me with her when i was pregnant.
Best thing he did looking back!

Not woman but DHs ex had an affair with his best friend and they married. Are still happy about 35 years later.

DH and I have been together 25 years and he says that their her having an affair was the best thing that could have happened to him. Hard on the kids though.

Yes and yes (we are on good terms and both much happier in our new relationships).

dh’s ex cheated on him and they are still together 20 odd years later. Don’t know them well enough to know if they are happy.

she tells everyone she did the right thing as both she and dh are happier now. While dh agrees now he’s out of it he’s better off, but he was devastated to be kicked out of the kids lives to be a PT dad while OM stepped in. He’d have done anything to make it work.

kids are properly fucked up though.

My aunt's husband buggered off 20 years ago when his mistress was 8 months pregnant. They are still technically together although they live separately a fair bit (he is working abroad) and he is absolutely miserable with how his life turned out. My aunt thanks her lucky stars that he left. After the initial few years of grieving, she is happier than ever.

I think you already had a thread with this question before?
Same grammatical error in the title
Doesn’t ever work out with the OW http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5243921-doesnt-ever-work-out-with-the-ow

If you're hurting about your DP leaving to be with OW why not start a thread about it. Obsessively looking for anecdotes or others stories to try and guess their future isn't helpful to your mental health.

I'm saying this kindly. I know how much it hurts .

Of course sometimes it does. And sometimes it does not. I know of many people who have gone on to have long and happy relationships with the person they left their spouse for. Whatever the rights and wrongs, relationships are complex, in lots of circumstances people are unhappy/ill matched and also individuals change.

Marriage and monogamy is a social construct and until relatively recently societal demands/moral values have had a huge part to play (and in many respects still do). Marriage was originally about maintaining wealth/power/family connections and not love. Also, people did not live as long, women died in child birth etc so staying together for decades is relatively new.

I am not excusing affairs or underestimating the pain caused. However there is a romantised view of marriage which in its origins a transactional contract.

I think as with all things it’s a spectrum. The sex of the partner is irrelevant but I will concede that men are more prolific than women.

for some it’s a one off event and then they are together monogamously forever once the original relationship/s end.

for others it’s triggered by something (could be a myriad of reasons) that is nothing to do with their (good) relationship. They make a stupid mistake then come to their senses and either come clean (then the original relationship either is saved or not) or they decide to never tell and live with the betrayal but stay in their relationship and never cheat again.

for others it’s a symptom of a bad relationship and wether the original relationship lasts or ends the cheating relationship just fizzles out because there was no real connection.

as above but triggered by an abusive partner. They meet a person who is not horrible to them they cheat with that person and it wakes them up to finally leaving their abusive partner (even if they then don’t end up with the person they cheated with)

for others it’s because they are just horrible selfish people and won’t stay faithful or loyal to any particular person including romantic partners.

iv known all the above scenarios, none to do with me though!

I also know a woman who left a lovely man for an absolutely terrible man. 20+ years on they are still together but it’s been a toxic shitshow for them for the children and for the man she left who she had had children with before she cheated and walked out. Much better for her ex now but the whole thing has been awful to see or hear about (I’m not involved!!!)

My dad is still with the woman he left my mum for....30 years ago

.mum and stepdad remained together for 35 years until her death. So yes I'd say that worked out. My dad went through 4 further .marriages and I dont think he was truly happy until his last wife who died . He never looked again after her.

My ex(boyfriend), not my Dh, left me for the woman he cheated on me with. 20+ years on, they are still together best I can tell. I know for a fact that he cheated on her for at least 4 years of their marriage, and possibly more than that, but I moved far away and no longer have an ear to the ground there anymore.

Dear god, never had an ounce of regret for that relationship ending! He is an absolute clown who has done nothing with his life and obviously is a shit husband. Meanwhile, I have a lovely life with my lovely Dh (16 years married) who is absolutely wonderful and the complete opposite of everything he is.

Yes and it's a very silly saying that is meaningless and is just said to make betrayed wives feel better 🙄

OP, yes, sometimes it works out.

My exh had an affair. They are very happily married and still together 13 years on. They are a better match than we ever were 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've never regretted it happening. I'm far happier now.

My ex was still married to the woman he left me for the last time I saw her. They'd been together 20 years and were clearly in it for the long term.

My stepmum was married when she met my (single) dad. She left her husband of 20 years and spent 25 years as soulmates, separated only by his death.

I also have lesbian friends who both left their previous wives and are utterly besotted with one another at least 15 years later.