To Think I Wasn’t ‘Spoilt?’

[WeirKean]

I am an only child and all through my childhood my mum had said to me that I’m ‘spoilt’.

However, she was drinking alcohol every night and hid it in coffee cups etc to fool me into thinking she was drinking coffee. She would give me a very stern response when I challenged her on this - and would often get verbally and very occasionally physically aggressive. This happened from when I was around 9-18 so impacted most of my childhood. It probably happened before then, I just didn’t notice it.

She often said I had it much better than other kids because I didn’t have brothers and sisters and she used the ‘spoilt’ insult towards me a lot.

I don’t think I was spoilt though. I wasn’t competing with brothers and sisters for her attention - I was competing with a gin bottle !

AIBU?!

I am an only dc... Spoiled materialistically by my dgm. To make up for a rubbish dm. Now live a quite dysfunctional life due to lack of guidance and no real male role model. Men were The Enemy.. And as an adult I haven't chosen those wisely at all. Nc with dm most of my adult life. She absolutely knows why too... Thankfully thanks to a decent stepdf now my dd's have made good choices in their bfs.

My parents did the same. I was an only child, so automatically they called me spoilt all the time.

As an adult I realise I only had the basics for physical survival - and barely. I was neglected otherwise, and physically abused by my mother. I realise that the only thing that spoiled me was a lack of care, love and parenting. Ive been spoiled, sure, but not in the way they ever meant.

Ah, my neglectful mother used to tell me I was spoilt.

Screaming matches between parents, coming home to things smashed (getting glass in my feet which was my fault for not wearing slippers), being told I was going to a children’s home, being called thick, bitch, slut, fat on a regular basis.

Yup. Spoilt. Maybe they all say it?

The simple return to your mother is 'Well whose fault is it that I was spoilt? You must have been a bad parent'.

Thanks for all your responses !!

I took all this very much to heart and it affected my self esteem ! What’s wrong with our parents hey ??!

Personally I think when a child is called ‘spoilt’ by a parent it’s a red flag for abuse.

Another ‘red flag’ for abuse I think is a child very much wanting to spend time with another adult than the main caregiver - over and above what is ‘normal’ - be that an estranged parent, extended family member or friend of the family

I wasn’t an only child, but was also told I was spoilt or ‘wanted for nothing’. Which materialistically wasn’t wholly untrue - came from literally running away in the middle of the night with only clothes in a bag eventually living in a nice house with nice things. Emotionally there was nothing though, and the only thing I have left of my childhood is memories of mental and physical abuse. All the ‘stuff’ is long gone, what use was it in the end? Unfortunately there is rarely opportunity for talking or closure with parents like this, they instantly enter victim mentality about how hard it was ‘for them’ and how paying for your love should have been enough.

Sorry this happened to you and so true ❤️

Thank you, but I have taken it as a hard lesson in how not to parent - so something positive can grow from the experience. And what goes around comes around, they died alone without any of their children visiting for years. I’m not saying that as a form of glee, it was a sad ending to a sad life. I also have insight into why everything came to be, I can be both pragmatic about how another human could become so angry at the world, but my inner child is still hurting from being the target of an adult’s inability to cope with life.

This breaks my heart I’m so sorry for what happened to you. It’s shameful that anyone treats children like this