I’ve had an emotional breakdown today - hit me out of nowhere

[Celia24]

I’m early 30s and living alone. My cat of 20 years died last year and I think I underestimated how much she benefited my mental health.

She died 9 months ago and I’ve thought about her occasionally but today I found myself thinking obsessively about her last hours. I’ve been working from home but had my first panic attack in a decade and have cried on and off all day.

To make matters worse my usually lovely partner made a passive aggressive comment which I snapped back at. I also dropped out of a hobby because I can’t possibly fit another thing on my plate.

The main stressor is my gran is dying, probably within days or weeks. It’s been a very long and stressful waiting game, and it’s weighing on me all the time. I’m hardly sleeping and I wake up remembering my terrible dreams.

I also messed up at work today and could see from my boss’s face she was unhappy with me. I’ve been curled up in a ball since work ended. I was ok yesterday.

You have a lot going on OP. Could you switch off for tonight and focus on some self care. So sorry to hear about your grandmother and cat.

I’m also on a waiting list for endometriosis laparoscopy which I find affecting my moods sometimes.

Hi,

So sorry you're feeling like this, its awful and about your Grandmother and cat. I'm coming out of a similar place, had some Bereavement counselling which really helped. Be gentle with yourself and ditto on some chill time.

@Cheeseplease23 because my mum is the main carer, she has been offered counselling. I am also affected though. I also find the family all contact her to ask how she is doing etc which I understand but I am very much affected too.

So sorry for your loss OP. Blue Cross is good for pet bereavement support.
I think you should take your emotions seriously.
Could you get signed off for a bit? Or self certify for a few days at least.

i will try. I also feel guilt for not being on top of a tidier house.I’ve also put on weight because I hardly exercise now - but have signed up to yoga that starts next month.

The emotional pain I’ve been in all day is terrible.

@Drachuughtty how does self certification work? I’ve never actually done it. I could do without my boss thinking I’m useless after todays mess up but I could do with a day off. Work is so busy though.

Its a difficult place to be, my heart goes out to you. I spoke with my GP and there was a bit of a wait but managed to get sorted. I found myself almost like you with family contact and this was the only way to let go of all my emotions, I didn't even notice how much of it I had been keeping bottled up until i spoke about it with someone.

My main fear is I will wake up tomorrow and feel the same way again.

I’m hoping I can just cry it all tonight and be better tomorrow. It’s quite scary to go from doing ok to bordering on incapacitated in a day. I’ve had a breakdown once before as a teenager. I recognise the on edge feeling.

@Cheeseplease23 thank you. Was this NHS counselling rather than private? I assume the former would be a long wait.

Its a scary place, I did some days but found exercise and keeping to a routine helped alot, the unexpected still gets to me but it has really improved. Be gentle with yourself, take time to rest. I would call your GP, tell them how you're feeling, it might be helpful to just get it off your chest.

Yes, NHS were amazing, but I think you're right.

I too am sorry to hear about what you're going through OP. My advice would be to take some time off. Don't even THINK about work, and how busy they are, most employers wouldn't give a toss if you dropped off the planet, they wouldn't wonder if you were OK, they'd just be pissed off that you not being around was inconvenient for them! Speak to your GP if you can get an appointment, as they may be able to give you something to help keep you calm until you're able to get counselling. Sending a virtual hug.

@Celia24 it depends what the procedure is at your work place for notifying your employer you are sick (eg you have to phone in first thing or something similar) but essentially by law you don't have to have medical evidence for the first week of sickness. You might have done this for a cold for example? You'll probably have to give a reason: you could just say stress, anxiety or depression maybe?
You're not entitled to your usual salary though, that depends on your employers sick leave entitlement.
www.gov.uk/taking-sick-leave