Is this rude?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

I have therapy and a car broke down en route to the appointment.

I texted my therapist and said “hi there is a broken down vehicle. ETA is 17:30” she said “that’s nearly 30 mins late! Message me when you’re here” so u said “yes I’m aware, hence why I’m letting you know now so it doesn’t impact you or other clients. I left at 4 pm and ufortunately I can’t move through the traffic any faster then I currently am”

she then phoned me getting uppity saying it’s abrupt and her time is precious etc. I said well I can’t really text and drive so I think you’ve misinterpreted it.

thoughts?? Was I rude?

Surprised by the responses tbh. I think whether or not you were rude OP, therapist (the professional in this scenario!) was certainly rude!
I have clients who come to me for an hour appointment. If someone was in a traffic jam or late for whatever reason (trains common delay here!) then I just shrug and say ‘oh well!’. I’m still getting paid as we have a 24 hour cancellation policy so why would I be mad. If your therapist doesn’t have a cancellation policy then she’s probably mad at herself.

I would have found your messages rude yes, no apology and instantly combative in the second one.
Mine would have been "I'm so sorry but stuck in traffic because of a broken down car, trying my best but will probably not be there until 5.30 now. Is that ok for you or do we need to reschedule?"

Her response was rude. You obviously couldn't help it and making a comment about impact would only be said to make you feel bad. Why would she want to do that?

Your first message was only borderline acceptable. Most people would apologise if they are late. Also 30 minutes is a lot, I probably would have assumed that I needed to cancel/reschedule and phrase the message accordingly, not just tell her that I would be 30 minutes late. Your wording would have been okay if you were only 10 minutes late or something.

But your second message is just absolutely rude. I cannot imagine why you felt it necessary to send that.

First message almost rude- sounds like you still expected the full session, second message- rude. However she isn't all that great either!

I guess you were quick as texting illegally, presumably. I am lucky that my car has built-in car phone software so I could voice note

Call therapist - Hi therapist so sorry there is an accident on my journey and it looks like I will be late. Or I could also text by voice

If I didn't have these options I wouldn't have been able to let them know at all. I understand you were flustered and forgot the pleasantries, I think she can forgive you.

"Yes I am aware" is one of the snarky replies people use

It's rude

The OP made the comment about the impact - not the therapist.

Struck by this. Have you been late to many appointments or do you know this from contracting at the begining of your theraputic relationship?

Yeah as in I don’t want to impact any other clients so essentially texting and driving saying read between the lines of “if you need to cancel then let me know” she was like “my time is precious” etc. as if mine is abundant.

Never late.

So you just wanted her to guess / read between the lines as to what you were saying instead of saying it?

Agree with this.

If I’d received this text I would have replied ‘thanks for letting me know. I can’t offer extra time today so we can reschedule if you’re going to be any later than that’.

I mean you didn’t say if you need to cancel and that didn’t imply it either, yes you were rude to her, a little entitled, just put it behind you,

So did you attend the session, even after arriving late?

I think it was a bit abrupt, it could have been interpreted as you expecting the appointment to start at 17:30.

But a therapist should be able to manage boundaries calmly.

So the way I read your messages and the suppositions/ implicature I took:

It was polite to let her know but quite rudely worded.

I think you intended it to come across one way but it was very much another in the end. Maybe Comms issue? People can't read the intent but what's actually said.

The bit about impacting her clients had a presumptuous air, why would she have allowed that to happen?

ETA late with no apology wasn't polite. I know you were trying to text quickly but she didn't know that and it all gave the impression you expected the full hour and were telling her how to run her business.

Hence why is a tautology. Not your criticising for the sake of it. It kind of sounds irritable, saying the same thing twice.

I think it was best she rang as a verbal chat is the best way to clear up or prevent more text misunderstandings.

That response is just as rude. Should stop at sorry the rest after that is incredibly rude

I'm WAY more concerned with her response. The exclamation mark! And 'my time is precious'

I'm shocked at her rude tone, it comes across as judgemental of your lateness

I would have written 'thanks for letting me know, see you when you get here'

^ I always write that. No one needs some rude judgy message when they're stressed trying to get somewhere

Rude, yes. Unintentionally. But that's the thing with sms_text. There is no 'tone'.

Yes it is a bit. You should know that I wouldn’t say boo to a goose. I would have sent a very apologetic first message, when I knew I was going to be late. Then I would have read it and reread it and rewritten it. Must have had a lapse of judgement with my reply.

it’s just hit me like a ton of bricks, how much of my life I waste on here!

I would never have got that from your second message - it would have been far easier and more polite to text exactly that 'if you need to cancel let me know'.

At least you said sorry in your version, OP didn’t manage that lol.

I don't know why she was unhappy. Presuming you were aware the session would still have to end at the original time.
Tbh I wouldn't want a therapist that I couldn't even feel comfortable having a text convo about a traffic jam. It's not really either of you's fault, but it seems the professional relationship might not be the best?

"Hence why is a tautology"

@Waterboatlass Hallelujah! Somebody said it 🥳