Does this sound like PPA?

[embarrassinglisp]

I have had anxiety and OCD on off my whole life but usually have it under control unless I am stressed. My way of dealing with it is basically distracting myself, paying it no attention and thinking ‘so what’ to everything. This doesn’t work now I am a mum, because my ‘so what’ is - what if something happens to my baby. I was very anxious throughout pregnancy with our rainbow baby. She is now nearly 3 months old but I am finding something new to worry about all the time. At my postnatal check I mentioned it to the GP and gave some examples and she replied ‘that’s common for new mums’, but I am not sure?

I will give some examples. The other day we went to a baby class and I had to stop on the way for petrol. I used hand sanitizer after but when we arrived at the class I needed to take her out her car seat. I touched her arms and hands as I did this, to get them in the coat. She likes to chew on her hands, so I convinced myself she’d have germs from the petrol pump or even traces of petrol itself on her hands that she would ingest. I spend most the class worried about this.

I bought some chicken for fajitas at the supermarket and then put DD back in the car. I’m worried there would’ve been salmonella or campylobacter on the chicken packet, on my hands and somehow transferred to my baby.

I don’t want to leave my baby, even though she has willing grandparents who we trust. I feel sick at the thought of it. It would be lovely to have a date night with my husband and I know it’s important to have quality time and time as a couple but I just can’t bring myself to it.

I also feel sick- thoroughly- at the idea of returning to work and her being with anyone but me.

Some of these are irrational yes?

They're all irrational to be honest but it can be very hard to put fears like that out of your mind.

I'd probably go back to the doctor and explain again, and ask for help.

They're irrational fears stemming from loving thoughts. That suggests to me that this is anxiety beyond the norm (most parents have anxiety regarding their child that they don't have to 'cope' with, but yours seems like you need to find coping mechanisms, suggesting it's unmanageable).

I'm so sorry for what you've experienced before your little rainbow baby arrived, I can only assume it has contributed to these fears you have. Have you ever sought therapy/counselling or support for your experiences? I'd imagine that would be a good place to start, it might help you rationalise the irrational x

I think this is more than usual new mum anxiety, especially as you've a history of OCD. I would ask about referral to perinatal mental health service. I don't know how much help they are, but it's something. There are charities/organisations who support with postnatal anxiety or OCD as well.