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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling really scared about surgery tomorrow

34 replies

Kentishqueen · 21/01/2025 14:13

I’m due for surgery tomorrow—it’s a fairly big one—and I’m absolutely terrified. I’ve been in tears all morning because the anxiety has just hit me like a ton of bricks. I know I need to do this, but I can’t seem to calm myself down.
Has anyone else felt like this before surgery? How did you manage to get through it? Any advice or words of reassurance would really help right now.

OP posts:
User09678 · 21/01/2025 14:19

I haven't had any experience with this, but I didn't want to read and run. Just wishing you strength - you'll get through it, I hope someone with good advice comes along soon. Do you have people around you to support you? What kind of recovery can you expect? Xx

Gardenlover121 · 21/01/2025 14:20

I had a huge operation last year, 12 hours under general anaesthetic, big surgical team etc. It is natural to feel anxious. I found box breathing helpful and visualising how much more I would be able to do post recovery. Planned a lovely holiday too. Try not to focus too much on the operation but rather on your improving health post recovery.

nowtygaffer · 21/01/2025 14:20

It's understandable that you are scared but remember thousands of operations are done every day. Can you get out for a short walk? I've had a few surgeries and due another this year so I get how you are feeling.

Original poster
Kentishqueen · 21/01/2025 14:25

User09678 · 21/01/2025 14:19

I haven't had any experience with this, but I didn't want to read and run. Just wishing you strength - you'll get through it, I hope someone with good advice comes along soon. Do you have people around you to support you? What kind of recovery can you expect? Xx

I've got three children at home - the oldest is 16, so not quite grown up yet. I expect I'll be in hospital for about five days, followed by roughly four weeks of recovery. No parents nearby to help out, just the children and DH. It's going to be a bit of a challenge, I suppose.

OP posts:
NormaleKartoffeln · 21/01/2025 14:26

I have had dental surgery (under general and sedation) and also other surgery (under general and spinal). It's normal to be a bit anxious because it is all a big unknown, from your point of view at least.
My suggestions:
Breathing exercises,
Distraction by whatever means you like - looking at old photos, baking bread or cookies, going a walk, listening to your favourite music or watch a comedy,
Remind yourself that while this is a one-off for you the surgeons and nurses do this repeatedly and are trained for every eventuality.
I am sure you will be fine and just think about how things will hopefully be better in the long run - good luck for the surgery and recovery!

GrannyGoggles · 21/01/2025 14:27

Garden makes excellent suggestions.

Would it help if you were able to identify what in particular is troubling you? You can then explore how to find reassurance. Is the anaesthetic? The recovery? Long term issues?

I just hate the whole flipping business, try to be kind to myself and get through it. Lots of books to read or listen to, house, in particular my bedroom, prepped for my return

ADifferentSong · 21/01/2025 14:27

Please share with the hospital team how you are feeling, if you haven’t done so already. I’m sure it is something they come across a lot.

NormaleKartoffeln · 21/01/2025 14:28

Kentishqueen · 21/01/2025 14:25

I've got three children at home - the oldest is 16, so not quite grown up yet. I expect I'll be in hospital for about five days, followed by roughly four weeks of recovery. No parents nearby to help out, just the children and DH. It's going to be a bit of a challenge, I suppose.

Show quote history

Hopefully DH will realise you need to recover properly and get the kids on board.
You could batch cook 4 weeks of meals as a distraction method - yes, that's a joke, you should really make 6 weeks just in case - yes, that's also a joke!

DaveMinion · 21/01/2025 14:29

I work in theatres so for us it’s our everyday and it’s easy to say you will be fine. However it’s perfectly normal to be really anxious as it isn’t something you do everyday. But I can promise you that you will be absolutely fine and will have at least 7 people advocating for you if not more depending on the surgery. Everyone will be really understanding and will do their best to reassure you (a simple handhold goes a long way in my experience).

good luck xx

sophi1995 · 21/01/2025 14:30

Yep. I had surgery early last month and I was so anxious and stressed over it. I've had surgery once before when I was younger but I think I found it harder this time because I have children now and I kept worrying about how they'd lose their mum if anything went wrong. Totally catastrophising. On a smaller scale I was worried about not being able to pick up my one year old during the recovery period. In the end it was totally fine and recovery was much easier than expected.

You'll be okay OP, I know it's hard but try not to worry too much. It'll be great to have the surgery part behind you after tomorrow.

User09678 · 21/01/2025 14:33

Kentishqueen · 21/01/2025 14:25

I've got three children at home - the oldest is 16, so not quite grown up yet. I expect I'll be in hospital for about five days, followed by roughly four weeks of recovery. No parents nearby to help out, just the children and DH. It's going to be a bit of a challenge, I suppose.

Show quote history

Just take it easy when you get back home, normal life can wait until you're feeling up to it

bookworm14 · 21/01/2025 14:33

You’re not alone. I had major abdominal surgery last year and was absolutely petrified beforehand. I genuinely believed I was going to die on the table. The surgeon and anaesthetist couldn’t have been more reassuring, and in the end the whole thing was absolutely fine. Hang in there - when it’s over you will feel so proud of yourself for getting through it!

Foxgloverr · 21/01/2025 14:36

I don't know if this will help you but I weirdly quite enjoy having surgery/anaesthetic. I've always felt really well looked after and surrounded by experts looking out for me. I get to rest and be looked after. I quite enjoy the experience of going to sleep and waking up instantly (even though hours have passed) and its all over.

Make sure you stay on top of pain relief and don't try to do too much too soon.

In the meantime, can you distract yourself with easy TV like Friends or something? That's helps me when I'm anxious.

nannyrosy · 21/01/2025 14:42

Make a plan for after I know it sounds strange and you probably won't even remember but even watching a certain program , I find it distracts the actual day and makes you realise that you will be there doing things after

Original poster
Kentishqueen · 21/01/2025 14:44

DaveMinion · 21/01/2025 14:29

I work in theatres so for us it’s our everyday and it’s easy to say you will be fine. However it’s perfectly normal to be really anxious as it isn’t something you do everyday. But I can promise you that you will be absolutely fine and will have at least 7 people advocating for you if not more depending on the surgery. Everyone will be really understanding and will do their best to reassure you (a simple handhold goes a long way in my experience).

good luck xx

Thanks a lot, thats very reassuring

OP posts:
Original poster
Kentishqueen · 21/01/2025 14:45

bookworm14 · 21/01/2025 14:33

You’re not alone. I had major abdominal surgery last year and was absolutely petrified beforehand. I genuinely believed I was going to die on the table. The surgeon and anaesthetist couldn’t have been more reassuring, and in the end the whole thing was absolutely fine. Hang in there - when it’s over you will feel so proud of yourself for getting through it!

Hoping for the same outcome, fingers crossed!

OP posts:
Nellyelephanty · 21/01/2025 14:47

It’s not as bad as you think it will be.

Ive had a few surgeries. Eye muscle surgery (not laser eye) under general. A c section under general. An epidural c section. Wisdom teeth, mole removals…

it’s normal to feel nervous but afterwards you look back and it’s not been half as bad as you had feared. Definitely breathing exercises helped me.

ShittyTitty · 21/01/2025 14:51

I had a 10 hour breast reconstruction surgery a few years ago. I was utterly petrified and a complete mess. I was scared of everything and as they wheeled me down, my legs were going bananas on the bed. I was proper losing it.

However, I then needed another surgery 5 months later and was laughing and joking with the team, because what I realised was, it was all going to be fine. I was in great hands, and I woke up from the big one feeling like I'd had the best sleep and I was so well taken care of.

It will be the same for you. They will know you're anxious but focus on the outcome and your recovery and trust that you will be absolutely fine.

Dutchhouse14 · 21/01/2025 15:51

I've had a couple of operations and was also incredibly anxious beforehand.
Can anyone come with you to hospital and stay with you?
I tried (admittedly unsuccessfully) to distract myself with music, magazines, puzzle books etc.
Also tried to box breathing and bachs remedies.
The staff at the hospital were very reassuring and understanding.
You will be fine, it will be OK.
Good luck

DuchessDandelion · 21/01/2025 16:02

I've had a few major ops and before one was utterly terrified that I was going to die, I was shaking so much going into theatre they couldn't get the canula needle near my skin.

Honestly, as others have said, tell your medical team - and the theatre team when you get there - how you're feeling. They've seen it a hundred times if they have once and the nurses in particular are fantastic for calming you down.

Having a big cry to let it all might help as well, sometimes we just need to let the emotion out in order to move on.

It's frightening knowing you have know control over what's going to happen, but the theatre team train for decades and never stop learning. You are, and will be, in the best of hands and you're going to be fine.

SleepingisanArt · 21/01/2025 16:15

OP I was in a similar situation when my children were very young. I was petrified I was going to die and they'd be left without a Mum. The anaesthetist came to see me because the nurse was very worried about my blood pressure. We had a chat about what was worrying me, he gave me a sedative, and then told me that he would make sure I didn't die in theatre because 'the paperwork is a nightmare'! I went down to theatre chuckling! Try not to worry - they really will take good care of you.

Tillow4ever · 21/01/2025 16:15

I had spinal surgery a few years ago. I was really scared but was putting on a brave face and told my husband he didn't need to wait at the hospital etc. I really regretted that as I was sat there in the room on my own waiting to go through. I'd recommend having someone with you to take your mind off it.

If there's anything specific scaring you, ask the consultant/surgeon about it so they can explain it - often understanding it helps you to feel more reassured.

Good luck!

2JFDIYOLO · 21/01/2025 16:18

Have you had a very frank discussion with your husband and your eldest, letting them know you will need help? That you expect them to step up and support you?

shellyleppard · 21/01/2025 16:18

Any type of surgery freaks me out completely....so I understand your fears. Sending you the biggest of hugs 🫂💐❤️

Lindy2 · 21/01/2025 16:25

It's a big thing but this operation is the first step of making you well again. Try to view it as a positive thing.

You'll have the op to fix whatever it is that needs fixing. You'll have your recovery time. Then after 1 month it should all be done and you'll feel much better.

Your DH and children will manage. Take each day at a time and focus on your health.