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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Decisions

2 replies

MyMaritalLifeIsADisaster · 21/01/2025 12:19

As my name suggests, my marital life is a disaster. There is no DV, although, the short arguments are v common. My DH is the main earner. I do work, but in min wage job, pt. We have DCs, who need my support and help still. Over the years, my DH made financial decisions, which were against my wishes: bought second house for renting, but now his family members live there without paying the rent, so that has to be picked up by our family (house still has huge mortgage). His family members are out of jobs, but not really looking- for over a year now. Every time I raise this question, my DH says they will pay. It's really grating on me.
We have another leak on our finances at the moment (caused by my DH), but I don't want to get into it here as it will identify me. This situation will be solved within 2/3 months, but going on for over a year.
I am at my wits end with the situation with the rented house, as we have no money for holidays, I have to watch our budget while food shopping, etc.
Sometimes I am thinking about divorcing my Dh, as it is some kind of financial abuse. My wages all go to bills of the house we live in and food. I have not even £1 left for my own 'run fund' or anything else.
Not sure what I want from this post.
I can't just leave the b*d, as I wouldn't be able to pay mortgage and support DCs.

OP posts:
parietal · 21/01/2025 20:31

Sounds very hard.

What can you do to increase your own income? More hours? Better job? Something that will give you more power to leave in future

Timeforabiscuit · 21/01/2025 20:37

Is there any way your marriage partnership can come together and approach these issues as a team? Do you have any shared financial goals at the moment? Is your DH infact aware of the complete cockups made and is just fronting as a point of pride?

Together you'll get out of this position far better than of you're trying to run separate households BUT only if he is prepared to work in partnership - would he be open to discussing finances with you and an advisor?

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