AIBU - or mind my own business? Character AI

[BeefStewAndDumplings]

Hi
I have name changed for this because I know my friend occasionally comes on here and this is probably very outing.

My best friend is 43, married with a toddler. We had a few drinks on the weekend and she started talking about Character ai. She eventually disclosed that she has created a character on there who she is having a fictionary (is that a word?) relationship with. She showed me the chats and they are quite intense. I asked her if she remembered that this is a bot, not a real person and she laughed, exclaiming of course she does.

I said that whilst its not cheating on her partner, it feels off that she is having these conversations. She said she is bored of her marriage and would never cheat, but this gives her a little excitement and she doesn't have to worry because its not a real person.

Do you think she is ok? Do people do this? The chats are stuff like "I loved our romantic bath last night" and lots of I love you's. She has no intention of leaving partner, they are happy in most ways, she is just bored of the hum drum.

Should I be worried for her mental health or just accept that this is what some people do now!?

It's literally just a fantasy. It isn't a sign of a mental health issue and it isn't cheating. It also isn't any of your business.

It's no different from fantasising in your head about a celebrity or a character from a book and imagining conversations you'd have with them. She knows she's interacting with a fictional character. It's harmless. If she wrote first-person viewpoint romance novels in her spare time, would you think that was a sign that she had mental health issues, or that it was cheating?

Just think of it like a computer game. It's not akin to cheating on her husband, any more than shooting someone in Call Of Duty is akin to shooting someone, or even wanting to, in real life.

I agree completely with @ItGhoul . But I still think it’s a bit sad. It’s not for me, but it’s a jolly good thing everyone isn’t me 😊

I mean, technically she's doing nothing wrong. However ask her will she be okay with it if her husband does this too? If yes, then rock on. If no, well... that's her answer. She can't be a hypocrite, can she?

It does feel sad to have to do this while in a relationship. Probably a step towards divorce if nothing changes because it's kinda like porn (but more "innocent" as it's a bot) or using heavy filters for all photos, it sets you up for higher expectations and suddenly your normal life/appearance seems worse than it is. It's only going to make her marriage feel worse.

It's her life, OP, let her live it but it's not a very happy one.

Edited to say: She has a toddler and is already bored?! Yeah, not a good marriage if she's resorting to a fantasy relationship in what seems like a short time (assuming they've not been together that long to have a toddler?).

Weird!! I'd get the ick for the friendship after this.

I mean; it's technically not cheating but its a gateway to cheating isn't it. Why doesn't she put that effort into romantically messaging her partner? Very unfortunate that there is a toddler involved and she's already bored of her husband.

I don't find it cheating and personally wouldn't find it cheating if my partner did it. However it is weird imo, and I'd think my husband was really weird if he did this

Modern way of reading a Saucey book.

I agree with the person who said an upto date version of reading an adult book I guess.

I've never really thought about it.

That said, no babies, no STI's and totally fictional ..

My only concern would be kids play fictional games then go and act the crimes out.

It may give people an illusion this is what real people are like but I guess harmless enough albeit odd ..

How you can be bored with a toddler tho goodness knows..

Good grief! Your friend confided in you and you come on here to asknif she is OK? You should be having that conversation with her.

I dream about 10 inches...I am sane! 😅

There was a post similar to this a few months ago, but it was a man having the relationship with AI.

Funnily enough, the responses were very very different.

I agree with most of the above though, I don't really see the difference with reading an adult novel, or going on literotica or something. It's a bit of fantasy, nothing more.

She's having flirtatious conversations with a bot. Like as if the sims characters were talking back? So like them guys in America who think they are in a relationship with a mannequin. I'm sorry but this is not normal and I would be concerned if it was someone I knew. Maybe it's like watching a tv show ans taking comfort in the characters maybe I don't know. I feel like the interactive part of it take it to a different level. I have never been remotely interested in computer games and always found them to be a drain on normal life in all honesty on some level whoever is playing on them. This feels worrying to me.

Do you think maybe she thought it was another person playing the game responding to her?

Wait until the company the run her companion bot want her to subscribe for extra ££££ or goes bust! Or gets their data hacked.. and a rival company can use her chats to tailor an even better companion.

I suppose you can see this two ways, maybe...

Her relationship clearly is in trouble. But if this fills a gap and she can sustain family life and avoid the trauma of a breakup to all involved then fantastic.... it is afterall just an interactive romance novel.

On the other hand, maybe there is something very dangerous about this. Say her partner was doing similar, has a sex doll with a similar chat function - now both parties are engaged elsewhere diverting their best energy outwards (to private companies - I think this matters) where there is no stress, no friction, maybe there is a little programmed in to keep them interested, those who engineer these programmes are more than familiar with Skinner and his boxes. How is this going to affect the children in what their expectations are from men and women and relationships and wider society... it won't be long before nobody wants to have a disgusting painful real relationship. And fortunately, they can gestate lambs in bags now so I'm sure humans won't be too far away. They're just harvest the biological material from people and companies will grow their own populations.

For those who say it’s not cheating, would you consider it cheating if there were ai generated porn images as well as the chat? What if there was a robot to embody the ai character and actually perform sex acts? Still a fantasy? Where’s the line?

You think changing your name won’t out you ?

This is not a normal thing to do. If one of my friends told me they were doing this I’d ask them very softly if they had lost the effing plot.

Why doesn't she put that effort into romantically messaging her partner? Very unfortunate that there is a toddler involved and she's already bored of her husband.

Has it occurred to you that her husband might be treating her like shit and/or totally uninterested in her? I’m pretty sure that most women would rather have a romantic, sexy relationship with their actual partner than a fictional character, but not everyone has a partner who makes that possible.

Exchanging romantic messages with an AI bot isn’t my idea of fun at all. But even people in happy relationships still fantasise, read erotic fiction and romance and swoon over the male lead, fancy famous actors, write fan-fiction etc. I don’t think this is any different and it cannot possibly be ‘cheating’ when there is no other human being involved. It’s no more ‘cheating’ than using a vibrator.

Where's the line ? Are sex robots OK ?

I'm so living in the past I had no idea this is now a thing! I'd say fully harmless if you're single and can't be arsed to date humans but seems like a slippery slope for those in relationships. YANBU to question the weirdness of this IMO.

I bet there would be different replies if a poster said her husband was using it

Why worry? It isn't as if you can stop her.

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