Adult child drama, need a hand hold

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Posting on here for traffic.

I am at my wits end with my 18 year old, he is hell bent on spending his time creating unnecessary arguments to avoid his responsibility of moving forward. He has been like this since the age of 14. In school it got to the point where the teachers didn't bother with him anymore. He has a part time job where their feedback is that he is rude and arrogant and they are in the process of disciplinary, college has similar feedback. He says everything he needs to say but doesn't follow up. He has behaved appropriately towards me up until the last couple of weeks when he's become rude and arrogant towards me and in the last few days he's started screaming at me and calling me names.

I've now cut him off from everything other than basic essentials. And his name calling towards me has continued 🤷🏻‍♀️
I can stick it out, but I'm scared for him and mentally drained.

Background - his dad was an alcoholic and we haven't seen him in years. He's had counselling and now refuses it. Uses this to manipulate to avoid responsibility and accountability of behaviour.
I'm stable - good job etc. there is a younger sibling 14 in the home.

Just looking for a hand hold or any advise from similar experience.

No advice because that sounds really tough but wanted to give you the hand hold 💐

That’s tough. Can he seek some anger management?

Could you investigate him joining the army or doing some outdoor physical work to take his anger out on. He needs some structure and authority. He is probably anxious about the future

That sounds really tough. No real advice but it sounds like you are doing all the right things with the tough love at home and the feedback / natural consequences from job and college.

I would keep reiterating that yes it's a shame his dad was a bit shit, but it is what it is, and it's not an excuse for behaving badly.

He sounds like he is really hurting and taking it out on you. I'd sit him down in a calm moment and have a calm talk with him first. I bet he cries. This sounds like a big cry for help to me, he sounds lost.

To add, I would also keep reiterating all the things you DO like about him :)

It's really tough for all of you. None of you can be happy that way.

How does your older child see his own future? Does he want to move out?

Thanks all I appreciate.

I think you're right he is anxious about the future and he does cry a lot.

We've looked into the army and he liked the idea of it but when he realised the consistent daily discipline that it would require he said no.

He is very able and clever so I've tried to hand hold his way through it but the recent behaviour towards me has made me doubt my ability to see him through this with a positive outcome.

There's alot of hurt but unfortunately that's not going to see him through in the real world.

I'm hoping that if I remove his 'luxuries' he will have to provide that for himself and he recognises he can manage and cope with it.