I wouldn't be able to get all the nuances of this wonderful situation down without a substational amount of time and wine which is off the cards for a little while longer! So ill go with the most recent issue!
I am 8 months pregnant with what I am guessing will be the only grandchild for my partners family. He has 2 siblings, both of whom have said never to children. I know people change their minds, as i was one of those, but the assumption for the in laws is this might be their only one.
They live close to us but as there is very little in common we saw them as a couple once a month or less.. my partner saw them once a month and me less, admittedly!
Since the pregnancy announcement I have made an effort to text more and see them so they felt welcome and included. They bought over, without checking, what was presented as a brand new baby carrier/car seat, pram and loads of accessories. It was a very generous gift which was overwhelming at the time.. I didn't really know what to say. I would have liked to pick something myself but didn't say anything, accepted the gift graciously and it then took up space we didn't have for the next 6 months!
There have been multiple gift dumps since of items we either already had, didn't want or were something we wanted to buy ourselves such as baby clothes (we mostly filled the cupboards with bulk buys off marketlplace, so going out and picking a new snowsuit would have been a nice thing for us to do) ... to the point my partner had to ask them kindly to stop as we didn't have space... which isn't strictly true but I just needed them to stop !
I was nesting a bit today and finally decided to get the pram and accessories out to put in the car or just get them ready.. that's when I realised it was all secondhand, car seat and all. I was going to buy the pram second hand, so it's not that which is bothering me, but that it was presented very much as they had "done a lot of research and picked something that would work well for us". The car seat... looks er... battered? It's missing all of the internal padding and is effectively useless.
I tried to be tactful and ask by text if maybe the lining was left in the box or who they got it from ... but the replies were non committal and insisted it is as it should be. At no point did MIL admit it was bought or donated second hand and kept insisting it was as it should be. It's a thin piece of fabric and then hard plastic... it's missing a great deal. I politely informed her that we will need to buy a new one and what does she want us to do with hers, at this point she said to chuck it. Onto the pram, I said did she want to take that back as it doesn't work for what we need as i won't even be able to take it on a foot path (let alone trust it to last the length of one as the screws are all rusted, wheels wobbly have zero tread left) - she said she would have it.
I know I could have raised the pram at another time but I'm 2 weeks to go with preeclampsia and just looking at it was irritating me... it isn't close to what we need. I have now got a new car seat and a second hand all terrain pram which I love. I am a bit bothered that she alluded she has her own car seat? I'm very much in the protective momma bear era of the pregnancy and I'm not sure how I feel about that? Added to it, is I'm also concerned it's in the same poor condition as the one she gave us "new". I'm not fussy and most the items we have are second hand but we always planned on getting the car seat and cot new.
I've never in all the years I've known them ever heard them admit to fault. They are always the victim. Their entire family, both sides, don't speak to them but none of this is their fault, apparently. Though based on my experience for the last 8 months is a distinct lack of boundaries. I do know within hours she had told her tale of woe to a family member. I'm preparing myself for further repercussions and really need a sounding board for just how reasonable or unreasonable i was!