To feel so lonely yet I am never alone.

[Myeyeswideshut]

I’m struggling. I am a single mum of two DD8 and DS4, the youngest is now at primary. Their dad does no consistent days as he works abroad and can be away for months at a time. His job is more of a lifestyle so he has no desire to change or give that up. This combined with his girlfriend who lives in Russia means he has little time for the children. I basically feel on my own. There is no parenting input unless it’s to tell me what I am doing wrong. Family are hours away but also even if I lived on their doorstep I may as well still he hours away.

I work every hour I possibly can between racing to school pick up and drop offs. Everything is a juggle. There are the clubs, DD has dance, after school clubs, both kids attend swimming. The parties that seem to be every weekend. All of the cooking and housework that’s on me. I’m struggling to even afford anything other than to eat and pay the bills. It’s all so stressful. Do not even get me started on childcare for the school holidays.

I am really struggling with overwhelm and feeling like the children will look back at their childhood sadly. I see other two parent families and they seem to be off on holidays, weekend trips, celebrating etc. The truth is all these special days like Christmas and birthdays I just feel completely broken from taking on the entire mental load that’s it’s hard to enjoy them. I have this feeling of loneliness and a pang of sadness for the life I thought we would have.

I have two kids and yet I feel so very very lonely. I have friends but it’s just not the same. I have no support or time to date. I feel so much regret for the man I chose to have kids with. He was always away and I have experienced so much loneliness. I do not know what it’s even like to have a partner that supports you and is around day to day.

I sit here typing this and I just want to burst into tears. I know I need to focus on the good.

Being a single parent is really tough. I’ve been there and I understand. It can be really lonely and it’s hard being the sole person who has to provide everything for yourself and the children. The bills, the food, the clubs, the clothes, the love, the time, the emotional support, taking care of them if they’re unwell or struggling with something, the school projects, the homework, it’s never ending and it would be nice to have someone to care for you for just a little bit. To just offer a word of support or a hug. I get it. I don’t know if you’re getting any child maintenance from their dad but if you’re not, you should be. I assume he’s still technically resident in the uk? If so, get on to cms. The extra money might give you some breathing space financially at least. You say you have friends. Would they be able to babysit once a month for you to start going on a few dates? Get online and start having a look. Alternatively, could you do some online learning to improve your career prospects so you can earn more and/or get a better work/life balance? There are loads of CPD courses you could do at home when the kids are in bed. I don’t have all the answers but I empathise and if it makes you feel any better, I am now married after being a single mum so although it’s tough atm, try to remember that life changes all the time and this phase won’t last forever. I know that doesn’t change this right now but at least you can know that there will be a time when things are better for you.