Kids dad emigrating and has not told me

[gardeningmad]

My ex and I have 4 kids, 16, 15, 12 and 10. According to my eldest ( the others prefer to not see him that often) he is emigrating (on his own) to Germany and is off next month. House is on the market for sale. The children are remaining here with me.

He has not told me, not run it past me!

He currently pays for the child he sees when he sees her, but other than that doesn't contribute.

Am I being unreasonable being P*ed of that he has said nothing to me yet thinks its ok to just up and go without so much as telling me let alone offer some financial assistance to help with the children.

Why doesn't he contribute? YANBU.

Do you have proper child maintenance court order in place?That would be your financials sorted. Its not your business where he lives. Presume he can make bank transfers from Germany too

No financials in place. I don't care where he lives at all, but I feel it would be the decent thing to tell me....

He is meant to have them 50/50 but he doesnt. No financials in place.

Not an issue that he is moving, I feel however I should have been told and some financial assistance would not have gone a miss (shrug)

@gardeningmad So did the court order 50/50 or you thought that was a good idea? Many men won’t do that. If the other dc aren’t keen, no doubt he’s free to go. Were you married and now divorced? Or not married? I agree it’s poor behaviour to say nothing but does it surprise you? Will he pay for youngest to visit? It’s not Australia!

Have you spoken to him yet about this, or is it difficult? Considering as going forward he's not going to see them at all, let alone 50/50, he needs to be financially contributing. Personally, I'd be looking into CMS. Germany is a REMO country and will enforce payments. I'd speak to a solicitor for advice. Are you owed from the house sale?

It’s the anger about his lack of parenting all this time coming out. How can he be such a useless dad that he doesn’t even care about being in the same country with his dc to continue whatever contact he can have with them? It is pathetic. That he’s supposed to have 50/50 but apparently hasn’t bothered to put in the effort to actually build the relationships. One thing that’s in your favour is that this will make the situation clearer. If you tried to get a court order for maintenance now on the basis that he doesn’t actually do 50/50 care he could counter with accusations of alienation. But if he’s chosen to move far away he can’t really do that and it’s clear he should be paying maintenance instead. I would start chasing that as soon as the move is certain - if you can handle the stress. Or just let him go, be angry for an while, and focus on enjoying your kids.