..to not go to this concert

[JoelyJoe]

My teenage daughter's youth choir have been asked to do backing vocals for a couple of songs at a (semi famous) artist's tour. It's taking place about 30 miles from where we live.
Tickets are on sale for the concert at about £30 each. The kids are performing for a couple of the songs, the rest of it would just be watching the artist perform (not someone I had ever heard of before this point). I was pleased/ excited for my daughter but was not planning on attending the concert... I was going to drop her off / pick her up and go for a meal or something in the interim.
I've now found out that lots of other parents are going to watch, and I'm starting to feel bad.
AIBU not to go? I've asked my daughter and she's not bothered either way. Normally I support all her stuff; plays concerts etc, but it hadn't really occurred to me for this as they are a relatively small part of the performance, and I am not fussed about seeing the main performer. But maybe it's a really big deal.. on stage at a real, commercial concert. Should I be dashing out to get tickets???

Its quite a big deal to share a stage with someone even semifamous

She might not be fussed now but might feel differently when her friends in the choir are talking about their parents watching it, maybe after if they took photos etc

Is it just you? For £30 I'd just go

Also if its 30 miles away it's quite a trek. Might as well watch her tbh

It's only £30, you will probably be more than that for a meal while missing your daughter's performance.

I remember seeing the Noisettes' singer's mum at one of their small gigs, in Reading festival, 30-60 people approx.
Her mum was beaming with pride, that was the most adorable thing.

Totally appreciate you don't want to go to the full gig and that money might be tight but you may regret later.

To my mind the important thing is how your daughter feels about this.
If she isn't bothered about you staying for the performance and you weren't bothered until you heard what other parents were doing then I would stick to your original plan.
You shouldn't do things just because of what other people are doing.
And I think that's a lot of money to pay out for something that you aren't really fussed about if your daughter isn't going to be upset by you not being there.

Are you sure she’s not bothered?

She may just be saying that as self-preservation, knowing you aren’t interested in going.

We are going to watch a show because a friend has a tiny part in it. Think one scene type tiny.
But it's their first "big" show and we want to support them. It's not a show we'd be fussed about seeing otherwise. But it's not about the show, it's about them

Op I've sat through hundreds of hours of various things throughout my parenting years for my kids to be on stage for a few minutes, so I feel your pain, but I would go see her perform regardless. Stuff like that means a lot to kids.

I would go. If other parents are going you will look a bit miserable and non supportive if you don’t.

Are you absolutely sure your daughter isn't bothered? She may have felt under pressure to say that because you asked her. I am surprised you even asked her, I think the assumption would be that you would of course be going.

I could understand if it was a financial issue but you'll probably spend £30+ going for a meal while you wait for her.

This could well be the biggest performance your daughter ever does, I think you should probably go even if the rest of your show won't be your cup of tea.

Of course you should support her.

If she's really not bothered, I don't know why you're asking?

I can’t believe you’re even thinking about missing this.

Of course you should go and support your child, especially as you'll be right there at the venue anyway. Part of parenting is sitting through activities you don't personally have an interest in because it's important to your child. And I say this as one who has stood on the sidelines of hundreds of football matches!

Of course you should go 😧 your daughter may be feeling awful that you don’t really care so feels like she has to act the same

I wouldn't assume she's not bothered just because that's what she is saying. You're driving there anyway, money is not an issue if you're planning to go out for dinner. Why on earth would you miss this?

I'd go and suck it up.
Your dd is probably giving you an "out" I'd make a fuss about how excited I am.
I'm speaking as a parent who sat through many Recorder concerts (painful) there's only so many times you can hear Three Blind Mice off key without wanting to rip your own ears off 😂

I would go too. Take a book for the rest of it?

Id go but leave after the kids perform

That’s a pretty big deal. I would feel shit if my mum just dropped me off at something like that

I'd go too.
My dc would say they're not bothered but I know they would love for me to go.

Who is the singer they're supporting?

I'm surprised that you didn't assume that most parents would be going to watch. I think that would be the norm.

I would go and watch personally. My daughter has a friend who will tell her parents she isn't bothered that they don't go to stuff, she tells her friends differently but doesn't want to make her parents feel guilty.

I would go.

Firstly, because you will probably end up spending more if you go for a meal.

Secondly, if this semi famous person gets famous, then your daughter will have photos (assuming you take some) of when she was taking part in a concert with this person on the bill. Memories.

Thirdly, IF there is an issue then you are at least in the auditorium. She is a teenager, so probably will be fine if something goes wrong, but even the maturest of young people can get thrown by something unexpected. If you have to come back to the venue, try to find somewhere to park and then try to get in - without a ticket - you may have difficulty. It seems on a bigger scale than a local hall.

If you’re going to drive her 30 miles there, presumably you would have just stayed in your car rather than go home and back. I would definitely go!