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Original poster

How to advise friend TW DV

7 replies

hellohellooo · 20/01/2025 15:14

Hello all

My friend just had a baby
She broke up with the dad 4 months ago as he left her in hospital twice

I went to see her on Saturday and lo and behold the ex is now back and living with her

He is due to attend court next week on assault charges etc

How do I tell her to wise up??

So worried for her and her baby

He is in breach of his bail

She said she may drop charges ?'
So worried but don't want to turn my back on her xxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
hellohellooo · 20/01/2025 15:15

Don't think it is so easy to drop charges though?

She is living in cookoo land I think

Plus she is totally exhausted and has very little help 😯😞😞😞

OP posts:
festivemouse · 20/01/2025 15:18

You don't get a choice to "drop charges" if you're UK based - the police / CPS do.

Honestly if he's in breach of bail and you think she / the baby are at risk - inform the police he's breaching his bail. Get him removed and then see if you can step up to help her.

Original poster
hellohellooo · 20/01/2025 15:25

I was going to call police sat but she would know if was me

It will never work
She was so badly beaten not that long ago even

She could
Lose baby?

OP posts:
Endofyear · 20/01/2025 15:30

hellohellooo · 20/01/2025 15:25

I was going to call police sat but she would know if was me

It will never work
She was so badly beaten not that long ago even

She could
Lose baby?

Just call them - she is putting herself and her baby in danger. If he's in breach of bail conditions, he should be arrested. Tell her that you care about her too much to sit back and do nothing and that if she won't safeguard her baby, you will.

JLou08 · 20/01/2025 15:31

I'd warn her she may lose her child due to SS involvement and also point out that DV often escalates after childbirth and children have been physically assaulted and murdered by DV perpetrators. I would let her know how much help and support I can offer realistically and talk about what other support she can receive.
In all honesty I don't think I could keep this to myself. Did he put her in hospital when she was pregnant? If so I wouldn't hesitate calling police and social services, the baby is at serious risk. I think I would be likely to call even if the violence was before pregnancy. Being a good friend is important but taking steps to keep a child safe is more important.

Original poster
hellohellooo · 20/01/2025 16:06

JLou08 · 20/01/2025 15:31

I'd warn her she may lose her child due to SS involvement and also point out that DV often escalates after childbirth and children have been physically assaulted and murdered by DV perpetrators. I would let her know how much help and support I can offer realistically and talk about what other support she can receive.
In all honesty I don't think I could keep this to myself. Did he put her in hospital when she was pregnant? If so I wouldn't hesitate calling police and social services, the baby is at serious risk. I think I would be likely to call even if the violence was before pregnancy. Being a good friend is important but taking steps to keep a child safe is more important.

Yes she was 5 months pregnant and in hospital

Now she is tired not thinking straight and hoping to get a perfect family back together

They are at risk so badly

OP posts:
Original poster
hellohellooo · 20/01/2025 16:07

Thank you all

I will ring police

OP posts:
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