Was I groomed online?

[Anonymous2003]

When I was 16 I started speaking to a man 20 years my senior online. I never intended to continue chatting with him beyond night one but it continued for 2 years. For 18 months it was all platonic conversation. I was a very lonely teenager and I really enjoyed his company. We talked everyday and felt very close (even though we obviously weren't as we never met). Eventually 18 months in things became sexual and we exchanged photos (not fully unclothed) and I was still 17 at the time. I ended up in a relationship and thus cut off contact with him which he agreed to. He texted me months later to let me know that he was getting married and hoped I was doing well. I sometimes think back to this and wonder was I groomed, even though it was fully consensual? I could have blocked him at any time.

I just wanted to respond and say I understand why this is going around your head. I was raped by an man in his 20s when I was 14. Only I didn't realise this until I'd become the age he was, and had children. I had always taken responsibility for it. But now I can see he flattered me, drugged me and then told me I had led him on. No effect on my life these days but the slow change of perspective means I've thought about it a lot. I only know his first name and the city he lives in so no chance of any consequences!

@tunainatin thank you. I'm sorry for what you went through 💐

I'm male, 56 and would feel uncomfortable having that sort of a relationship with a woman of 36. He did groom you. It wasn't illegal but immoral. I expect you were not the only young woman he was talking to.

it wasn't your fault nor did you do anything wrong, we all look for friendship and acknowledgement of our importance in the world...but he exploited that.

@SleepToad at that time I did consider that there may possibly have been other girls. However we chatted so frequently throughout the day I thought it musn't be easy to maintain this. Sometimes I think was I an exception, and he otherwise a normal person?

Perhaps you were, but I doubt he's a normal person...if you think about it, I've spoken to you on line twice. If every time you messaged "pinged" he would reply. I'm fairly slow typing but if you do it regularly it's almost as fast as talking.

I think you need to move on. Put this behind you and look at the future.

Rest assured I'm not going to reply again...going to the pub for a cider with some blokes my age to talk about bad backs, bladder issued and football

You know it’s odd looking back but I was in a very similar situation. My parents were getting divorced, mum had a mental breakdown he was 21 years older, I was 19 and we became friends. He was escape from all the shit, I was naive and he bought me things which lead to a relationship I couldn’t leave for years.

he still try’s to control my life now!

Looking back at the situation now he definitely groomed me but it sounds very similar. Thankfully things didn’t go any further with you!

@Finkycat god he's still trying to control your life all these years later? That's terrible. Does he live nearby, or was this an online thing?
In my situation, once the guy met his now wife, the sexual conversation stopped but we continued to talk as friends for a while until I cut off contact. This is partly why the whole thing is conflicting for me.