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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if I have done something wrong in this life?

47 replies

mymatemarmite · 05/05/2008 23:01

I know that is a pretty crap title, but its just how I feel!

I have a Mother who isn't interested in me or my DDs (only lives half a mile ) spends time with my brother who lives 3 hrs a way!

I have a father who lives 25 mins drive away and I can't remember the last time I saw him.

Neither of them sent Christmas cards or presents for DDs. One of my DDs had a birthday in March and again, neither of them sent anything.(I can appreciate being hard up [been there!!] but a card!!) Nope!

Now I have a bloody MIL have a right old go at my DDs while DH and I have a night away, she told them we live in a dump (I am so fuming about this, but have promised DD not to say anything to MIL) She is surprised that DH lives like this because she knows what he is like!
I am the one that does all the cleaning, yes he will hoover occasionally, yes he will polish the television once in a while, but WTF I am so mad!

I honestly am so mad, yes our house can get untidy, but a dump!!!!! How dare she!

What have I done so wrong that :-

1 - my parents do not bother with me

2 - my Mil has suddenly had a go at my DDs, if she did not want them for the night then she should have had the balls to stand up and tell us. I gave her plenty of chances to get out of having them. Plus she was in no hurry to leave, I thought it was because she enjoyed having them! How wrong was I, she was probably wondering what they would say to me!

At least DDs felt they could tell me what she had been saying!

Crumbs I am mad!

OP posts:

avenanap · 06/05/2008 00:17

No. It's just me, ds and work. It's actually quite nice. I've been sitting thinking about being single and I quite like it. I've just got to sort the job out. Hmmm.

Granny shouldn't be saying evil things, she's a bit thick if she doesn't think you'll find out.

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 00:19

Think she just thinks that she is alway right!

OP posts:

avenanap · 06/05/2008 00:22

Haa. Mine's like that. I think it's a granny of about 60 thing. I just nod and ignore her. Then I have a good gossip to my friends .

I've banned cleaning in my house so she'd have a whale of a time if she ever came here .

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 00:25

Thanks avananap, you have made me smile! She has just turned 63, having a real hard time of it too. She can't seem to understand why she can't keep up with DDs. She wants to do headstands and handstands etc, but finds it difficult and gets frustrated. She needs to grow old graciously.

OP posts:

avenanap · 06/05/2008 00:29

I think my mil's on speed or something, she's like the energizer bunny gone mad! All ladies of that generation have odd standards. It's not because of you, it's because they are odd. Being 60 can do strange things to their brain.

She seriously wants to do headstands??? Have you sent the video to you've been framed yet?

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 00:35

Now theres a thought!

There is that generation thou isn't there that will only go out if the housework is done. Me, if the weather is fine, then I would much rather be out doing something with DDs than staying at home doing the housework.

My motto is go out today, the housework can wait for another day! (this does so out rage MIL) - (strange thing is thou, her own daughter thinks we/I live in a show house!!!!!! So what does that say about her DD! (mymatemarmite blows rasberries to her MIL and tells her to get a life or to at least have major words with her own DD!)

OP posts:

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 00:36

Marmite you are being horrid - do behave!

OP posts:

avenanap · 06/05/2008 00:40

There's nothing wrong with that. I'd rather be doing something else. Life's too short to be polishing the TV every day. Children only want to play with their mums for a short while. Before you know it they will want to be out with their friends.

You do realise she'll have different standards for you because you are married to her darling son? Mums and boys. It happens all the time. This is probably why she's not a cow to her daughter.

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 00:46

I agree totally avenanap. At least knowing that SIL thinks I live in a show house makes me feel a bit better - or should I say more natural. I know I do not live in a show house, I always thought I lived in a home! A home that so far my DDs have always brought their friends too and never been ashamed to.

OP posts:

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 00:48

But he is not the perfect first born! His sister was! But MIL does think she is common you know - they do not have regular veg!

OP posts:

avenanap · 06/05/2008 00:48

That's how it should be. So we've got her sussed, who's next?

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 00:58

Right while we are on subject - My Nan - she is 87 yrs old. moans that we do not write/ see her! We all write to her send a lovely photo. She rings me and complains for being extravagant! WTF! The postage cost me 56p I recycled the envelop - what more can I do?

This is true but also tongue in cheek - well you did ask! (PS its my Mothers mother!)

OP posts:

Klaw · 06/05/2008 01:00

Dull women have immaculate houses.

I, on the other hand, make hay while the sun shines and my house is terribly cluttered with stuff that needs sorted....

My father died two years ago, previous to seeing his body at the undertakers I had last seen him twelve years before.

My mother hardly ever phones me and never seems to bother to check her 1571 for my messages. Won't have dd for me, too much hard work.

She is caring for my sister but I am always there if they need me. In fact I took them to the hospital for day surgery last week and then spent a fortune entertaining dd at soft play while waiting to collect them again and take them home.

Obviously I am supposed to call every day and visit twice a week but as I don't, cos I'm struggling with my own life, I don't care enough for them to do much for me.....

See, I understand how you're feeling, you're not alone and I'm sure you're pretty reasonable.

avenanap · 06/05/2008 01:00

Phone her up, bt together option 2, free evenings and weekends up to 1 hour. Won't cost you a penny.

Have you heard the saying 'you can't choose your family'?

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 01:09

Have tried that, we get to about 57 mins and then she cuts me off! Doesn't even say good bye! Mind you, she is probably fed up with me saying "pardon" and her asking me "what did you just say" This is the lady he saw us all, fed my DDs with out of date ice cream by a year and never noticed that my leg was in plaster! Oh bless her!

PS I am an emetaphobic (sp) Cheers Nan!

OP posts:

avenanap · 06/05/2008 01:14

I used to have an aunt that did this. Granny did it aswell. She was a fan of out of date chocolate. This was an age thing aswell, something to do with rationing in the war. She cuts you off after 57 mins because it's free unless you go over 60 mins.

I've decided I'll go batty when I'm old. I'm going to give the grandkids hell. I'll keep working for as long as I can then spend all day phoning them and ds up. That's fair isn't it?

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 01:19

Absolutely!

Sorry Klaw just seen your message, I am so glad its not just me! Take care!

OP posts:

Klaw · 06/05/2008 01:24

no it's not just you!

I do hope I don't do the same to my dc in years to come..

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 01:27

Thats exactly how I feel!

How many Dc do yo have? I have 3 DDs! I am very proud of them and would move heaven and earth for them even when they test me esp my eldest DD who is almost 14! !!!!!!!!!! BLESSS!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Klaw · 06/05/2008 01:32

ds is 14.8 and dd is 3 next month, so I've got a teen and a toddler to cope with....

Original poster

mymatemarmite · 06/05/2008 01:36

How do you cope with that????!!!!

I struggle with an 8, 10 and an almost 14 yr old (she will be 14 next wk, so in her eyes she is already 14!)

Saying that I wouldn't change them for the world!

OP posts:

Klaw · 06/05/2008 01:44

It's quite good, cos ds can babysit ocassionally, dd adores him and loves charming his friends. They can clash but they don;t argue the same way that two clsoer siblings would, iyswim.

I do wish dd had a close sibling to play with, I hate seeing her alone, like ds was as a child..... need to be having The Chat with dp that he keeps putting off....

anyway less of my problems! It's well past bed time, sleep tight and kiss your dds before you get into bed

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