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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like I'm being messed about?

11 replies

ArmPit · 05/05/2008 22:51

A month ago I asked my partner (not living together) if he wanted to go to America on holiday with me and the kids. He said yes. I asked him again if he was sure and told him I needed to book asap to get the good price, he again said "yes".
I asked him a final time by text message if he was absolutely, 100% sure and again he said "yes".

So I booked a £3k holiday. Later that night he decided to tell me he couldn't go afterall I was fuming as this meant I personally was liable to pay a £800 deposit within 8 weeks whether it was cancelled or not. I panicked like mad because I just couldn't afford to do that. I told him he'd dropped me in the shit and he reluctantly agreed to pay half of the deposit.

He was still saying he couldn't go.

Before he paid his half of it I asked someone else if they'd like to take his place, they said they would if they could get the holiday off work. Anyway I didn't say anything to partner incase this other person couldn't come. Anyway it turned out she could and my partner had already paid his half of the deposit.

This other person is really looking foward to going now but now partner has decided "actually, I might come afterall" I told him he can't now, he messed me around too much and I had to make alternative arrangements. He's fuming and has said I decieved him to get me to pay half of the deposit. Even though I have said he will get it back now that I have a replacement.

I admit I could have told him before he paid the deposit but I knew he wouldn't pay it if I did and if this other person couldn't go I would have been left with the £800 bill.

So am I being unreasonable to think he has messed me around and its his own fault?

OP posts:
DirtySexyMummy · 05/05/2008 22:54

Er.. this exact same thing was on a thread the other day, but the other way around!

YANBU - he changed his mind, therefore he lost his place.

cluttercup · 05/05/2008 22:55

No YANBU...

...however it sounds like you were never sure your partner was committed to the holiday. Are there other uncertainties in this relationship perhaps?

seeker · 05/05/2008 22:57

Are you sure 'partner" is the right word for this man?

Sorry - don't mean to sound harsh - but... are you sure?

ArmPit · 05/05/2008 23:00

I posted it the other way around yes I wanted to try and see it from his point of view first but I just can't.

He's saying he didn't realise he couldn't go but surely you'd bloody well make sure before you agreed on a trip to America??

And partner is probably not the right word, no. More like hindrance.

OP posts:
dingdong05 · 05/05/2008 23:02

Yes and no. I can see your point, but also why your dp would be pissed off.
When he's calmed down explain your panic to him, and be honest with him. You were trying to cover your back and were scared he'd change his mind over paying the deposit, especially since the whole issue came up because he'd changed his mind about the holiday anyway- dropping you royaly in the shitter (to coin a phrase )
The least he could do was cover his share of the deposit, and now you've got someone to pay him back. That's a silver lining- or would've been if he hadn't changed his mind again!

Moomin · 05/05/2008 23:02

...Then a good holiday away from him spending time with a friend and your dcs might be just what you need to realise you're better off without him maybe? He's letting your kids down as well if he acts like this.

harpsichordcarrier · 05/05/2008 23:04

he's a twat
why are you with him?
he has messed you around, you tried to fix it, that's it really

wishfort · 06/05/2008 09:04

Harp has it right - a real numpty. Kick him to the kerb.

littlepinkpixie · 06/05/2008 09:29

YANBU. Good for you for getting something sorted out.

poodlepusher · 06/05/2008 10:47

YANBU and he sounds like a complete pain in the arse.

I hope you have a FANTASTIC holiday without him!

nametaken · 06/05/2008 14:32

YANBU - perhaps this will teach him not to mess you around in the future. But you must give him his money back of course. Why can't he have the money now if your other friend has paid?

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