'Joking' to someone you've been dating

[Ayhbar]

I met a guy on a dating site, got on really well, talked every day.
But he kept joking about me being 'demanding', and one night when I was tired and not in a jokey mood, I said I found that hurtful considering we were in very early stages of dating, and I have my insecurities, he said I was abnormal and oversensitive. He said it was just a joke, and surely I knew that because he'd told me how much he liked me, so I had no reason to be upset, because I should know he didn't mean it. He said being flippant is fundamental to who he is, and I was demanding he be someone he is not. I wouldn't keep making jokes that upset someone and they did not find funny. Is it really bad form to make jokes that could feel rejecting/critical when you've only been dating 2 weeks? Surely that's a time to reassure and be responsive to the other person? AIBU to be upset?
Btw, he then dumped me by phone, which I also think is not nice behaviour!

There's a name for this, it's called negging. Subtle put downs disguised as humour that wear down your self esteem.

He sounds exhausting and it won't be long before he's back trying to "forgive" you

He's done you a favour, he wasn't right for you if he upsets you when you are dating for whatever reason.

Some people wouldn't mind the jokes so it's not necessarily bad form to make them. If it's a core part of his personality and you don't like them then he won't change who he is either. Classic case of just being incompatible.

That said,.he sounds like a twat.

Throw this one back op. Dating shouldn’t be this hard after only two weeks

If I was having to tone down my humour and reassure someone after 2 weeks I'd be ending it too. I don't think you were a good fit, he's realised that and ended it. That's not to say you were wrong for being offended with his jokes but I don't think he did the wrong thing ending it either.

Read two lines. Ditch.

I think that was a bit of a red flag, with the hope you end up being the opposite of demanding. Effectively you set out your standards and he ran a mile, realising you weren’t going to be so easy to control.

Either that or he’s leaning in to that old trope about women wearing the trousers and men being bossed about. Boring.

Anyone who persists in 'making jokes' at someone else's expense even though it is upsetting them,is not worth bothering with,IMO. You know the saying,'Many a true statement is made in jest'. A lot of people (mainly men I've noticed) 'dress up' barbed comments as jokes.

I would be wary of telling ‘new loves’ that you have insecurities as some men ( definitely not all) will feed on them

If you're going to date you need iron clad boundaries. Dump anyone who does not meet your standards or displays disrespectful behaviour.

It doesn't matter if 99% of people would accept something, if it's intolerable for you, then finish the relationship.

I think we are all different. But cannot really say whether the joke whether the joke was inappropriate without being there to know the context.

Either way you said how it made you feel and he mocked you so you are better off without him in your life on that basis alone. At best you are simply incompatible so he was right to end it leaving you both to find more compatible people.

Also it was only two weeks so I think ending things by phone is absolutely fine. Far better than ghosting which seems to be all the rage now.

Were you actually dating him? Had you met up?

He doesn't sound very nice, so no big loss there, OP.

He called you abnormal?! 😮. You’ve dodged a bullet there. Block him and move on. There are decent men out there.

He sounds disrespectful to be taking the mickey out of you after only 2 weeks. He called you over sensitive to justify his remarks. Bit of a sauce him chucking you though.

I meant to say he dumped me by voicemail, didn’t bother to have a conversation!

Look on the bright side, You dodged a bullet there, you should have seen the red flags earlier though and dumped him first though

I think it's a bit rich that you are supposed to accept his weird sense of humour, but he won't accept the fact you are sensitive and have boundaries ( or "demanding" as he calls it). Fuck him OP. I wouldn't accept this.

'You're oversensitive' is a classic line from the Bullies' Handbook. Well done you for seeing it and not standing for it!

Rather than lower your self-esteem, you wrap yourself in it as you go forward and find a relationship with someone who adores you as you deserve! 💐

You've been dating two weeks, you found that your senses of humour are incompatible and he sensibly ended it. There is no drama and nothing to see here. Just move on to the next.

It is much healthier to recognise incompatibility and move on than to think you can fix or change someone (or hope they'll magically change to fit you).