I have been estranged from DM for a few years and have started to re-establish contact for sake of my DS mainly. She's betrayed me hugely over the course of my life and my mental health has been closely linked to this - I've had tons of therapy. Background, childhood included parental mental health, drugs and alcohol, chaos and neglect. She is now very stable and comfortable.
Since early last summer we've been meeting up every two weeks for a meal or walk.
It has been going fairly well. I am just shy of 50 and she is a very fit and healthy mid 70s.
In October / November she said she wanted to take my DS 10 and I on holiday somewhere abroad for a week in 2025. She and her late husband took thier other grandchildren to various places, Venice, France, she said she wanted to do the same with us.
She asked me to look up some ideas. I was a bit reticent as our relationship is not good but thought I could manage a 4 day trip somewhere perhaps. I send her a few low budget ideas before Christmas and she didn't reply.
She came for lunch today and said 'oh, we ought to plan a weekend somewhere at some point'
I said 'i though you wanted to go abroad' she siad' no I don't want to do that now'
I said ',I did wonder as you had gone a bit quiet about it's
She sort of snapped at me and said 'well I've been busy with ' (one of her neighbours passed away - not a particularly close one.
I said to her that I felt quite hurt that she had promised this holiday and then seemed to change the terms and conditions without explanation, apology or even acknowledgment of how my son and I might feel.
I said it wasn't about the holiday it was about the lack of acknowledgement of me and my son being offered this and then having it taken away. I said it made me feel like I wasn't a priority (which I said I accept).
She then did quite a few attempts at back tracking and 'yes but'
I have gone to pieces and have now ended up immobile on the sofa.
I talked to a friend about it and she was lovely and said everyone's triggers are different and I felt couldn't understand why I felt so bad.
AIBU to be emotionally distressed by DMs unexpected change of heart and delivery of this? Or I'd this normal because I can't seem to guage whether being so upset is a valid response.