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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel like my baby hates me

14 replies

Dish19 · 19/01/2025 14:24

I have a DS, 9 months old. I’ve just started to feel like he really hates me.

Some signs are he seems to laugh more with other people like his grandparents. Whenever I take him to baby classes or groups he crawls away from me without a backwards glance.

DH works long hours and I do 99% of childcare, meaning boring things like getting dressed, nappies, administering medicine etc. He won’t let me look in his mouth and crawls away when I try and change him. I feel like I’m interrupting other people’s fun with him to feed him or change a dirty nappy or put him down for a nap.

Im going back to work soon and I’m worried he will forget I’m even his mum. AIBU to think this?

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 19/01/2025 14:27

If a child is secure and happy, they are often more confident with strangers and exploring their environment. It means you’re doing a good job!

However sometimes your child won’t like you and vice versa - it’s ok.

DoYouReally · 19/01/2025 14:30

Babies don't have capacity for hate so it's not that.

You must likely have a very alert, curious child who is fascinated be new and rare things about people.

You are familiar so don't attract the same curiosity.

This is actually really positive. I would be more concerned if you had a really clingy child who wouldn't settle anywhere else or for anyone else.

Paulettamcgee · 19/01/2025 14:31

Or the other way to look at it is your presence has made your child really secure and he's happy to leave your side as he knows you'll be there.

My oldest spent her first year with me. Went everywhere with me. Would have happily bum shuffled off to anyone who smiled at her waving bye bye to me. Really confident little kid. My youngest had me to herself but only for 4 months. Screamed if I was out of eye shot.

Could've been time spent and building security or could just be different personalities but I doubt your baby hates you.

Holiday24 · 19/01/2025 14:36

It sounds like he's like this because you're doing such a good job!

You've given him the confidence to socialise with other people and explore new places and you're his base for that.

It's great that he will be able to go to nursery without you worrying about his socialisation skills or that he won't be able to leave you. He will definitely not forget that you're his mum! 🙂

Squidtentacles · 19/01/2025 14:39

It'll probably help when be goes to nursery - more time away from you. It doesn't sound like he hates you. You're just the one that is doing all the things be doesn't find fun - clothes, nappies, medicine etc, and around him the most!

Crystall88 · 19/01/2025 14:43

Pinkissmart · 19/01/2025 14:27

If a child is secure and happy, they are often more confident with strangers and exploring their environment. It means you’re doing a good job!

However sometimes your child won’t like you and vice versa - it’s ok.

I disagree. If your baby dislikes you you're doing something wrong and there's a problem if you haven't bonded with your child. That may happen due to a variety of reasons but it's not normal or to be expected. It's ok to not like all of their behaviours and every stage of parenting but not the child itself. OP, I doubt your child hates you. More likely it's because you are their main carer and so when they are with others who they trust it can be more fun as it's a change. It's also a good sign that they are forming bonds with others which is normal. You are the one your child needs above all else.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 19/01/2025 15:23

I think your baby just feels secure with you op xx

HornyHornersPinger · 19/01/2025 15:24

What @DoYouReally said!

The fact that your baby 'Crawls away without a backward glance' shows that he feels very secure, safe and loved in this world he's only known for 9 months! It's really a positive, he's 'not fussed' about you because he knows you're always there. I remember feeling like you OP but I can really see it for what it was now, although I didn't at the time x

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 19/01/2025 15:26

He's gone through "object permanence" and come out the other side a happy and confident little boy! He will probably have a chance to miss you more when he goes to nursery x

Shubbypubby · 19/01/2025 16:04

My eldest has always been very confident and easy going. Never batted an eyelid going to childminders/nursery/school/family overnight etc. always very sociable with her other people. Never clingy to me at all or showed any signs of missing me 🤣 He's nearly 19 now and we're still close but it's just his personality. My youngest is totally different and very clingy to me & her dad. Again, she's just different.

Mopsy567 · 19/01/2025 17:00

It is not possible for your baby to hate you. He sounds like a normal happy baby.

Maybe speak to your health visitor about how you are feeling and get some reassurance.

Saschka · 19/01/2025 17:02

Babies barely even understand you aren’t an extension of them. Yours definitely doesn’t hate you.

Choccyscofffy · 19/01/2025 17:20

He won’t let me look in his mouth and crawls away when I try and change him.

This is very normal.

Also no babies like their mouth being looked into. I don’t even like it, so why would babies like
it.

Had you been around babies much before having your own?

Pinkissmart · 19/01/2025 17:23

Crystall88 · 19/01/2025 14:43

I disagree. If your baby dislikes you you're doing something wrong and there's a problem if you haven't bonded with your child. That may happen due to a variety of reasons but it's not normal or to be expected. It's ok to not like all of their behaviours and every stage of parenting but not the child itself. OP, I doubt your child hates you. More likely it's because you are their main carer and so when they are with others who they trust it can be more fun as it's a change. It's also a good sign that they are forming bonds with others which is normal. You are the one your child needs above all else.

Show quote history

I wasn’t clear.

Her CHILD will dislike her at some point. When he’s a teenager or an older child who is pushing boundaries. And OP may not like her child sometimes too. Surely this is normal in any parent/ child relationship?

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