To be kind of mean to my PIL?

[Chocabrick]

Obvious answer is: no, it's not reasonable to be mean to your parents in law.

I have to see my PIL fairly regularly. They've been in my life for 15 years and they've never really been my kind of people. They're very loud, negative, mean spirited and judgemental, constantly talking over everyone and full of bigoted opinions. When i was younger, I'd pick them up on a couple of things but as I've got older, I no longer really see the point and instead am quite indifferent, nodding neutrally at whatever they say.

I find it really difficult to be nice to them. The nearest thing I can think of comparing it to is when you're shy and can't simply just 'speak up'.

I don't want it to be like this. I'd like for us to be able to get on. Is there a way of getting past these feelings? I've really tried making an effort over the years but recently I've found it so much harder to muster up kindness towards them.

I think op it's really hard because on one hand, the only reason you want to get on is because you have to see them rather than because they are people you want to get on with.

In any other setting you'd probably avoid them but that's because of who and how they are. And clearly, despite you trying, they're not going to change.

So I think you really only have two options which is either accept them for who they are, or see them less.

What's your spouse's opinion on this? Could s/he go and see them without you more frequently or would they be willing to step back? Some people are just small doses people.

I think I'd probably be inclined to see it as something I have to grin and bear for my partners sake but I also wouldn't be falling over myself to try and 'bond'. I'd just accept we're not each others type of person and be civil and get on with getting through it.

You might try getting really interested in them. Turn the conversation to their early years or jobs or whatever and listen hard to what they say. And wish them well. It can make a difference.