Actually op on the off chance that you really do want to grow potatoes, they are excellent "pioneer" plants for a newly acquired perhaps overgrown garden because they go deep in soil and churn it all up. They take up a lot of space and compete well with weeds.
You need to put them deep though to avoid them getting disturbed by animals and also to keep them from sunlight otherwise they will release a toxic chemical - you can see when that happens if you buy green spuds.
So, dig a trench. Buy chitted potatoes from a nursery - if you plant sprouted ones from the supermarket they may have diseases but nursery chits are developed for planting. Put your potatoes in at 6 inch intervals. Cover them up. When the leaves appear, pile a little soil around them, continue to do this for a while. Weed by hand so as not to disturb your plants.
Water on dry days, the leaves should get fairly big. You can feed them if you like but you don't need to.
Eventually the leaves will start to die. This means your spuds are nearly ready. When they collapse, give it a couple of days then gently dig under one with a fork, just getting the first of the potatoes. They should be all under the leaves on a network of tubes underground. If they're not ready, just cover them back up and wait a bit more.
If they are ready you can start working them out of the soil with your fork. Get them all out.
Knock the worst of the mud off, pack them in cardboard boxes with brown paper, keep them out of the light. They'll do you over winter.
Give the ground they've been in a good digging. Don't plant potatoes or tomatoes in that bit of your garden for a couple of years. Beans would be good for next use.