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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Separation / relationship

10 replies

Georgie856 · 18/01/2025 22:18

Hi everyone.

I am after some advice. Things aren’t great between my partner and I. We both have children from a previous relationship. He is main caregiver to his and I am to mine.
My children are 11 & 9. We don’t live together. Some issues came up over Christmas which I really can’t shift.

Over one weekend I had my daughter for a couple of hours one afternoon, we were mid argument when she arrived but I did my best to just have a nice walk (because of some issues the night before - related to me helping sort my daughters room at her fathers as she doesn’t settle well there, instead of seeing him. He says it was out of concern that I should rest, or I would burn out. I had 4 days without my kids and off work coming up, burn out really wasn’t an issue) He on the other hand barely spoke to her and said the following day that she snatched his hand away when he offered and he tried twice to speak to her so he just got on with the walk. They do have a good relationship usually but that day she asked three times what was wrong with him (to me) as she noticed his mood and I brushed it off (have since explained to her in appropriate terms what was going on) but why couldn’t he just have put on a smile or be pleasant for a nice year olds sake?! I did try and say to him and he just said he can’t hide it for anyone.

Another time over Christmas we were playing a board game and my daughter would’ve cheated but obviously so, and neither myself or my son were bothered. He kicked up a huge fuss to the point my son (who’s 11), said, “just let her have the card” and was basically implying, why are you making such a fuss. We aren’t strict game players, it was a bit of fun on Christmas night. He also pulled me up on something and kept on to the point that I said I wasn’t going to continue if he carried on.

I don’t want to get into the other issues, but I can’t shift these two niggles. How would you feel if this had happened? My daughter has been upset about it since and we’ve had big chats.

I’m open to honest opinions. I’ve not mentioned anything to my friends, and don’t have a mum I can talk to openly about things like this. Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Hyperquiet · 18/01/2025 22:23

Is he neurodivergent

Original poster
Georgie856 · 18/01/2025 22:28

Hyperquiet · 18/01/2025 22:23

Is he neurodivergent

No he isn’t.

OP posts:
RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 18/01/2025 22:34

You say that the marriage isn't great OP, could it just be that he's come to the end of his tether and is now finding it hard to hide his feelings even with a child. Maybe he was brooding about the whole relationship over the Christmas period, and is on the verge of ending things? Just my thoughts from the little information you've given.

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 18/01/2025 22:34

Sorry - Relationship, not marriage

Original poster
Georgie856 · 18/01/2025 22:35

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 18/01/2025 22:34

You say that the marriage isn't great OP, could it just be that he's come to the end of his tether and is now finding it hard to hide his feelings even with a child. Maybe he was brooding about the whole relationship over the Christmas period, and is on the verge of ending things? Just my thoughts from the little information you've given.

Sorry, we’re not married. Both have children from a previous relationship, and this relates to his attitude towards my daughter and niggles over Christmas. We’ve been together almost 3 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Georgie856 · 18/01/2025 22:37

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 18/01/2025 22:34

Sorry - Relationship, not marriage

Sorry I think you’re right. You would surely be able to hide it??
we have talked about if we want to continue. I’m trying but can’t get past these couple of things that involve my daughter.

OP posts:
YourSnugHazelTraybake · 18/01/2025 22:47

Well I have to admit if I'd been in the middle of an argument with someone I wouldn't be able to just pretend I was happy, you'd have been better going on the walk without him. I also disagree with you about the cheating in games, your kids are old enough to know that the rules are there to make it fair for everyone, you and your son obviously pander to it, but it's pretty shit to expect others too. It would have spoiled the game for me completely. Young kids, yes you'd expect some bending of game rules, not at 11 and 9, I'd expect better behaviour at that age.

Scarydinosaurs · 18/01/2025 22:52

It sounds like on both occasions he couldn’t put the kids first and created tense environments rather than enjoying the moments for what they are.

Children are small for such short times don’t waste it with sulkers.

Original poster
Georgie856 · 18/01/2025 22:56

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 18/01/2025 22:47

Well I have to admit if I'd been in the middle of an argument with someone I wouldn't be able to just pretend I was happy, you'd have been better going on the walk without him. I also disagree with you about the cheating in games, your kids are old enough to know that the rules are there to make it fair for everyone, you and your son obviously pander to it, but it's pretty shit to expect others too. It would have spoiled the game for me completely. Young kids, yes you'd expect some bending of game rules, not at 11 and 9, I'd expect better behaviour at that age.

Edited

I understand what you’re saying. The trouble is he refused to stay home and not come on the walk. And proceeded to march ahead of us.
for context, the game was monopoly, my daughter really wanted a chance card and it was one space away from where she was. We saw no harm in it! It was just a bit of fun. Not a serious game.

OP posts:
Original poster
Georgie856 · 18/01/2025 22:57

Scarydinosaurs · 18/01/2025 22:52

It sounds like on both occasions he couldn’t put the kids first and created tense environments rather than enjoying the moments for what they are.

Children are small for such short times don’t waste it with sulkers.

I think you’ve worded it much better than I could. This is how I am feeling.

OP posts:
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