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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think women put pressure on other women to do childcare?

5 replies

Scissorscut · 18/01/2025 17:47

The pressure seems to be on mostly women (yes I know some men are amazing and do lots of childcare). It is women who are doing most of the school runs and if they need help they tend to ask other mums. Dads do not often get asked (yes I know some dads do all the school runs and pick up other people's children and are amazing).

When someone is having a baby the expectation is on the mum again to offer to help out and even give up their job to do childcare. Men on the whole are not on the receiving end of this expectation.

I went to a play group and saw many grandmothers who on talking to them were struggling with the expectation put on them. Some of them did not want to do childcare and others wanted to reduce it. I asked about their husbands if they had them and they said the expectation was not there for them and they didn't even get asked. (Yes some do but on the whole they do not).

Even MILs are criticised if they do not help but it is rare for a FIL who visits and does not contribute in anyway. (Yes some FILs are great).

Men don't hassle other men for childcare but women put pressure on other women.

OP posts:
LegoBingo · 18/01/2025 18:15

Maybe coz men leave it up to women to sort it out but women would quite like to keep their career and independence but no man will help them do that they want them tied to the home at all times so no freedom

Blue278 · 18/01/2025 18:19

Yep. I am a feminist but also guilty of assuming women will help out. Why? Because men can’t or won’t do it properly.

I help out with my ex husband’s niece’s baby. I saw she was struggling a bit. I love babies. He is oblivious and wouldn’t give them what they needed.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 18/01/2025 18:20

Agree 💯 - you only have to read posts on here about men working in childcare to see how many people would rather leave there child with the cat than ask Adam from next door to watch their child in an emergency.

Tcsha · 18/01/2025 18:25

It might depend of your social circle and location? Where I am it’s very even in terms of pick ups and drop offs for nursery, slightly more men dropping off in the morning.

Remember a lot of women work part time so that will explain the school pick ups, but after school club pick ups here are evenly spread.

Many women retire before men so that could explain why there are more grandmothers doing childcare.

I don’t know anyone who works part time, so that probably explains why the pick ups and drop offs are so even. I see more men taking their children to sports at the weekend though, not sure why!

JenniferBooth · 18/01/2025 18:32

Just one of the reasons im child free by choice

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