Play date but DC doesn't want to go

[Newyr123]

Since DC was little I've been apart of a group of mums. Our DC all used to get on and play together. As they have gotten older they have found their groups of friends. We do still speak on our mum group chat. There is 1 DC who does not really hang out with any of the DC in our group. My DC came home and had said this 1 particular kid had been aggressive at school and was pretending to cry to get sympathy from the teacher. My DC said no one now wants to play with him or be around him.
This kids mum asked my DC round for a play date before my DC told me this.
How do I say no to the mum without it being awkward? My DC does not want to go.

You don't say how old your DC is, but I'd just message and cancel and say your DC isn't up to a playdate today, I'm so sorry etc etc.... or alternatively I'd change the venue to a park trip and go to a busy park where they don't have to play together.
Also, take your DC account of what happened with a pinch of salt - there could be more to the story than you have heard, because it's only playground gossip and observation. Is the other child struggling with social/emotional difficulties etc? You weren't there and don't know exactly what happened.

There was a lot of DC in that post I can't figure out one DC from the other DC from your DC

If he's 4 or 5 and in reception/yr 1 I'd still go, at that age they're bffs one day and enemies the next it can all blow over If they're 8 or 9 then no as they'll have established their friendships by then.

I agree that the age matters here and also whether you as mums socialise in person, with or without the children or are you strictly just friendly on a group chat.

Hi friend, thanks for the invite, can we take a rain check on this for now? DC wasn’t keen when I put it to him, but you know kids, they change their mind like the wind! Give it some time and DC will probably be harassing me to arrange something 😂 How did EventX go? Our household is chaotic at the moment as Y is sick, MIL wants to come and visit and we’re madly trying to finish the painting in Z room.

* be honest as it would be worse to be caught in a lie. Then move the conversation on to other things so that the rejection is not the focal point of the message.

I wouldn’t make your DC go if he doesn’t want to - I think this is one of the worst things a parent can do - and I also wouldn’t arrange another play date - even in a busy place - as PP suggested.

it’s fine to cancel - but I’ve come to feel over the years that when someone is rejected socially, there’s no easy way to do it, it will be awkward and you can’t spare people’s feelings no matter how tactfullly it’s done cos people always know the bottom line

Depends on their ages. And sounds like he wasn't aggressive to your DC, so if they are 4/5 I'd still go and see what happens. Tell your DC you will stay and suggest you pop round for coffee and short play date whilst you do that.

Kids this age are so changeable.

If I've known both child and parent a long time then my decision would be based on that. Is the child aggressive? If he is, I would cancel and say they don't seem to be getting along at the minute. If I liked the child and trusted the parent and had any sense that the other children were ganging up on him, I would suggest going somewhere together where I could judge for myself.

The part about crying to get attention and "no one now wants to play with him or be around him" makes me wonder. I have heard my son and his friends having such discussions about children who are mildly annoying and serve as social scapegoats tbh.

They are 8/9. I have seen myself that this child can be rough and overbearing.
I think they are just quite different and DC wouldn't ask for this kid to come to our house. It's awkward though as the mum is in our smallish mum group WhatsApp

Have you already said yes and is it today? I would just apologise and say that you have double booked or suggest you meet out (soft play) and don't accept another play date. It is tricky when you get on with the mum.

You could take the "not sure they're getting on well ATM so let's save ourselves the drama" approach?

Or if you have and actual plan you could just fake illness but that involves getting DC on board.

Can you just say you’re really sorry, but your dc is reluctant as the children seem to have had a ‘falling out’ at school and maybe it’s best to let the dust settle and wait till they sort things out for themselves?

Listen to your child and cancel the play date.

It’s not fair for children to prop up their parent’s friendships.

I will cancel it as I don't believe in forcing friendships upon them. It's just finding a way to decline the invite

At that age I don't think you can impose a play date on an unwilling child. He knows he doesn't like him or enjoy his company. You can make an excuse, but then she'll ask again. Or tell the truth, painful as it might be for her.

I had an unpopular child. A mum once told me her child didn't want to play with them anymore (younger than 8). It was painful for me as I was quite good friends with the mum and that friendship did slip away over time, but I already knew that what she said was true.

You can make an excuse this time but you might only be kicking the can down the road.