Am I bu for talking to DH?

[cookie435]

Had another fight yesterday which escalated and I’m annoyed with myself for expecting any different. My intention was just to moan about the piano teacher but dh’s reaction just makes me crazy and I know I need to calm down but I feel I shouldn’t have to think before I talk about my day or things on my mind with my own husband!

pisno teacher has made adjustments to our slot a few times now and hasn’t hidden the fact last time it’s because her wealthier clients are so demanding and she knows I’ll move my slot as I’m so “accommodating”! She messaged again last night and I didn’t reply as I’m starting to get annoyed now. I moaned to DH (never spoken about it the other times I just replied yes to the teacher as it actually suited me better) I told him she’s really taking the mickey how. DH remains quiet as he usually does when I want to share my feelings and thoughts. I asked him what he thinks and told him about the previous times. He stayed quiet again at this point I got so angry as it’s like living with a robot. Even his own family joke he’s very robotic. Something I obviously didn’t see when I first knew him but over time I’m seeing it too. He started shouting then saying why do I let little things always get to me. The funny thing is I wasn’t angry till I spoke to him, yes I was highly annoyed by the teacher but not angry. His response was” just fucking say yes or no why think about it?! “

so my question is don’t other couples share their feelings, thoughts etc or am I expecting too much? How can I get him to engage with me more? I feel only time he engages with me is when I push him and it’s argumentative. Other times he completely ignores me. In hindsight there were red flags in beginning but I didn’t see them such as going out on dates I would always be talking but I assumed he was just a quiet guy but more I’m getting to know him he just seems very uninterested in people, relationships etc unless it’s work. Ive heard him on work calls he’s very warm as in he asks his colleagues how their weekends are etc. he’s. Never asked me about my day I always ask him but he never asks back

'Getting to know him'? You're married. How long had you known him before you got married?

If he ignores you, doesn't want to know about your day and shouts at you, he obviously doesn't like you very much. You don't treat people you love like that.

What you're describing is very familiar to some of us on the ASD relationship thread. It's infuriating because it turns us into 'the crazy wife'. You might find that thread illuminating.

He's really horrible to you. He's not really horrible to other people - in fact he is nice to them. That must make you feel really rotten.

What would it take for you to separate? What would he have to do? Because because being treated in such a disrespectful way that indicated he didn't like me would be enough for me.

Could you please post the link? I’d love to join you guys there and see if I see similarities x

I do feel like the crazy wife a lot of the time and I do truthfully feel I might be to blame but I get so frustrated with him! He doesn’t see anything going on. Someone could literally punch me in the face and call me a name and he wouldn’t notice or care!

I do t want to separate as I’m comfortable in this life right now. My kids are small and I work full time and have zero energy for anything. Maybe when there older but right now my life is sll
sbout the kids, DH, work and the house.

I can’t see a way in which he suddenly shows interest, love or care for you. He is capable, you have witnessed it with others, unfortunately he holds you in such low regard that he is happy to treat you with indifference and contempt at best/plain abusive at times too.

This

Why are you letting the piano teacher mess you around like that?

TBF and if it is the one thing of the piano teacher, I get a cheesed off when someone I know allows people to mess them about and then go on to complain about it to me. Once or twice OK no problem but several times over and I start wondering why the hell you do it to yourself only to come and bother me about it. If someone messes you about for preferred clients they are being direspectful because they can and you allow it. Find another piano teacher that respects your time and leave her to her preferred people.

Has he always not cared about the other things, outside of the annoyances in life or is this a recent development in your relationship. Beng emotionally withdrawn can be a sign of lots of things, some are fixable.

Why is your life all about DH when he doesn't even want to speak to you? I know you have a comfortable life now but you will be a shell by the time you reach a point where it is unbearable. your children will be affected by divorce at ALL ages so that really doesnt matter. Right now they are being affected by an ignorant and angry father who is teaching them what relationships are. This is their example.

How can I get him to engage with me more? I feel only time he engages with me is when I push him and it’s argumentative.Other times he completely ignores me.
you can‘t and why would you even want to?!

In hindsight there were red flags in beginning but I didn’t see them such as going out on dates I would always be talking but I assumed he was just a quiet guy but more I’m getting to know him he just seems very uninterested in people, relationships etc unless it’s work.
the red flag was that he wasnt at all interested in hearing about you. that was massive.

Ive heard him on work calls he’s very warm as in he asks his colleagues how their weekends are etc. he’s. Never asked me about my day I always ask him but he never asks back
because he isnt interested in you. You provided him with what he fell society expects of him, wife and kids. He would probably be perfectly happy without you all.

Does he pick up and/or drop off for
piano? If not he probably honestly doesn’t care and it doesn’t affect him. I don’t mean that in a negative way either, it can be hard to really be bothered by things like that sometimes. DH takes our DS too all his football, training has moved around a lot this season and games kick off at different times and honestly it’s just not a big issue for me as it’s nothing to do with me really.