To ask for advice? Young-ish single parent and Cancer

[TreacleTarcleSparkle]

Morning MN’s!

If this shouldn’t be in ‘AIBU’ please let me know and I’ll be asking to move it!

Long story short

I used to be an avid gym goer
Daily spinning, bout camp style classes, HIIT, body pump and circuits. Also loved swimming , had a 7 day a week dog walking hobby/small business for 8 years and also ran/jogged (avid fitbit counting many thousands of 40k steps a day)

Fasy forward a few years.. loss of (extremely abusive violent H) marriage and job and then the house etc etc

I’m now 40, single, DC are teens now and I’ve got a serious late stage untreatable cancer. (I don’t look like I do which is a ‘bonus’ in aesthetic ways but can also go against me as people don’t know just how painful and serious this is and potentially terminal (im
in too much denial )

I have recently been told by my Oncologist that as my only answer for me is a transplant (and 50 perfect of medical teams I’ve been with and/or currently have ) aren’t willing to be involved as it’s likely to be fatal and the other 50 percent say there’s almost no other alternative so it’s a risk to take

I need to jump through MANY hurdles to even be considered to meet a criteria to be on a transplant waiting list and have been told to get back into my running

Bad cancer talk put aside - can any of you wonderful and helpful MN’s help me with what I need to buy purchase and what isn’t worth buying (over hyped things)

So I have LOTS of Sweaty Betty and Nike running vests and sweaters / running long sleeved tops, hoodies etc and many Sweaty Betty l yoga type running leggings , I have lots of new trainer socks and a few pair of nike trainers in great condition

My main question is (I live near the most beautiful big park with coffee shops , lakes swans , dog walking friendly , nice people , sports and concerts and music festivals in summer and lots of runners!) these runners listen to music and I need advice

I don’t get on with earphones that go directly in ears etc so any recommendations on Over Head Headphones? Are the ones around £200-£300 noise cancelling ones worth it? Money isn’t great but would be willing to invest as lots of headphones that say cost around £50 always seemed to break after a few months

Where do you store your things? your stuff? when running .. I want to be ‘hands free’ but I (especially as with my cancer ) need my iphone on me , i’ll obviously need my little bunch of house keys , water bottle, lip balm and hand sanitizer

Do you recommend a ‘bum bag’ (if they’re still called that?’ or should I look into if my current running ‘attire’ have big enough zip pockets to store stuff? I’ve recently seen a few running ladies with gorgous TINY backpacks that look (from the material:colours) that they’re specifically for running outdoors and to be hands free and to store essentials .. are these tiny backpacks really worth it and little ‘life savers’ ? If so any links to where you purchased yours from?

Regarding music and headphones

If headphones are (ideally) wireless do I just need to turn on blue tooth on iphone (im
going to sound such a dinosaur now!) but how do people listen to music on wireless headphones?

What’s the best thing to download on an iphone for music? I have amazon prime and I have had music for an r yes price on my alexa at home .. is there a similar concept but for the iphone? Or should I download spotify? Is spotify an app? i download it and pay monthly ? then i just search for a purchase songs and then ive created a playlist - is this correct? I’m a bit of a techno phobe and used to be great at this stuff but since huge life changed .. dealing with childhood abuse memories I blocked out , dealing with violent ex H who’s chosen to live next door to me , dealing with loss of income due to a very serious cancer diagnosis and MH issues, huge breakdowns and loss of homes twice in a couple of years and newly ADHD diagnosis and the side effects of cancer I’ve kind of lost my confidence on what could be seen as ‘second nature’ or ‘easy’ to otjers’

Once I learn how to navigate around making some kind of a playlist and getting say a Spotify account then how is best to actually listen to music while out running (or in my case jogging 😆) do people put the phones in the backpacks or bum bags or is it best to have one of those iphone holders that attach with velcro on your upper arm (seen amd previously purchased on amazon)

I’d love to treat myself to some fancy gorgeous headphones in the hope they’ll encourage me to start a new positive healthy habit of running/johging/speed walking with my rescue doggy .. building up to the Park Run (which i used to partake)

Also these headphones if I learn to confidence back with iphone it could incentivise me to sort my place out as too many things and not enough space !

Also on spotify any recommendations of a confidence building podcast ? An affirmation style one.

My father always been abusive hasn’t even so much as texted me or called or sent a card about my serious diagnosis and it’s broken me all over again cause I knew he was horrid to me but thought him finding this sad news maybe JUST maybe it would ‘soften’ him just even by 1% and drs /medival
team have said he will never change and I need to almost grieve the father I never ever had (so any podcasts that reasonate with these type of subjects could be perfect while trying to start a new positive exercise going forward!)

Lastly I have large Stanley flasks/cups but what do you advise as a good water bottle for running? One that’s easy to carry while exercising , can hold a good ammoumt
of water but not too heavy , I do like the ones which tell you how much water you’ve consumed and the little notes ‘keep going!’ on the side of the bottle (as naff as that sounds! but anything that gives me that ‘push’ or encouragement i’m all for!)

And Im
also very ashamed to say I’ve never used my Peleton and being a spinning addict it was my DREAM to purchase one but I guess i’ve used me being very poorly
at times a very good excuse to not use it ., if anyone who has one has any workouts on there to ‘start off with’ to get back into it and get my spinning ‘mojo’ back If be eternally grateful

Thank you for reading this and have a wonderful day 🤗

I can't actually offer you any advice OP, but I'm really so sad to read this. I'm so sorry

I hope someone comes along more useful than me!

I'd have thought if you're going through a lot with cancer, something light intensive dance classes or short bursts of cardio workouts might be more gentle on the body?

There is a brand similar to Beats who do better headphones. And I am sure people seem to recommend Samsung a lot

I've always wanted a nice beige pair of headphones but haven't got round to it

Take care

@IWatchCrapOnInsta100
thank you SO much for your beautiful kind words! Means so much!

And also I too was looking at some beige headphones .. they’re almost a mix of a type of rose gold but more matte/neutral and beige! (but V expensive - currently reduced from £300 to £200 but I still think the reduced price is a little ‘steep’ just for headphones! I wonder if they’re the same ones!) x

Sorry to hear everything you’re going through. I run a lot so I hope I can help. For the clothes etc start with what you already have no point spending money you don’t need to. As for headphones I like bone conducting ones. They sit just in front of your ears with a band round the back of your head. You can hear the music but also hear what’s going on (cars etc) so they are safer. They are also the only ones allowed at many races/events. There are expensive ones but I have a £35 pair from Amazon and I’ve had them for years. They’ve got me round more half marathons than I can count and two full marathons.
for my stuff I use my pockets but I only carry my phone and a key really. I have a water bottle shaped like an ‘0’ so you can hold it while you run but I don’t often take it.

I'm probably not the person to advise re exercise, but can you ask to be referred to an NHS physio for advice?

Re headphones, I would 100% recommend bone conduction ones. There are ones that are waterproof and so can be worn in the pool as well. I use them for running: another advantage is that you can still hear ambient noise.

Very gently and with much love, headphones and exercise gear are a lovely distraction, enjoy researching.
But talk to someone about your prognosis.

I can help with

For music, Apple Music and Spotify are both apps, you choose one, pay a monthly subscription and access all the music you want, plus playlists. Prices are similar about £10/month. I have Apple+ which gives me music, tv and arcade for £25.

for headphones I’d recommend staying away from in ear, mine fall out while running so I stopped using them.

you don’t need much to start running again, some decent trainers & bra would be my only must haves.

massive hug as you have an incredible amount to deal with. Be kind to yourself.

I'm so sorry to hear your prognosis & about your father.

Do you have other family supporting you?

I can't help you with running gear or headphones and the like but hopefully lots of others can

I do think you need to speak to someone who can help you come to terms with the prognosis and help your children come to terms with it also

Lots of love and hugs

For carrying stuff (phone etc) I recommend a flip belt. Branded or non-branded, they so the same job. They carry the weight securely against you so no bouncing, but it's still easy to get to your phone when needed.

For what to listen to - I find it very helpful to have a mix or playlist at a steady beats-per-minute that suits my running (for me this is around 175bpm depending on length of run, but you can experiment). Spotify search for eg "175 bpm" or look up Podrunner who create bpm mixes purely for this purpose. It's not what I would listen to for pure fun, but it's a excellent motivation while running that keeps you going.

I don't think you need to bother carrying water until going for an hour or so? It's a bit of a pita to carry, just drink before and after. If you are urban, you can always buy stuff in an emergency. (You might disagree based on your health experience)

Good luck! It's so good for mental health too, just to get out in the fresh air.

Are you talking about a bone marrow transplant or an organ transplant? as those are two very different treatment plans which require different approaches to physical activity.

As you have Prime you could use Prime music through Bluetooth. You can set up playlists on there. Depends how serious you are about music choices but using Prime would be free.

@nothingcomestonothing - organ. And currently not looking very promising at all .. but keeping it in a day 🙏

I’m so sorry about your prognosis! I thought I’d chime in on the Peloton (see username 🤣). I do love mine but you can also only subscribe to the app ( cheaper than full subscription and I think there’s 2 month free trial). There are runs, walks, strength, any kind of exercise. Find the instructors you vibe with and take it from there. There is any sort of length and difficulty level of exercise/spin/etc. if you live in London you can go to the show room and go through all options to get an idea.

https://www.currys.co.uk/products/sony-whch520c-wireless-bluetooth-headphones-beige-10247635.html?istCompanyId=bec25c7e-cbcd-460d-81d5-a25372d2e3d7&istFeedId=4d7eb93e-055f-499d-8ee5-1cdcc50d67d1&istItemId=rlpawwxrp&istBid=t&srcid=198&cmpid=ppc~gg~0090+(Shopping+ads)+Headphones+-+Brand+Sony+-+PMAX~~Exact~71700000115608306~&mctag=gg_goog_7904&kwid=GOOGLE&device=m&ds_kids=&tgtid=0090+(Shopping+ads)+Headphones+-+Brand+Sony+-+PMAX&&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAkc28BhB0EiwAM001TXETkO7feXqyfpRVcoRSDcrIxU4IxUnRYokiFeUyS8eP3BDg-vUKDRoCFwoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I have these. Wonderful. Stylish. Comfy. Sit over my cap nicely.

Sending love x

sorry you are going through this 💐

for headphones, Shokz are fabulous for running. I have both the open run and the openfit and tend to use the open runs for, well, running and the openfit as my main music/work headphones. I can’t stand in ear headphones, and when running outdoors you really don’t want noise cancellation as you want to stay connected to your environment for safety.

Both connect through Bluetooth and are really simple to set up to play music from your phone (or watch if you have an apple/garmin one with music)

I'm surprised they told you to take up running which whilst good for the heart is harsh on joints.

Given that your body is under attack from cancer cells I would go for a much more gentler approach -

I'm surprised oncology have told you to run, do you have access to oncology physio to discuss what fitness would be best for you personally?

If you're on chemo swimming is obviously out (if you've got a Hickman) but running seems high impact, especially if you're on high dose steroids and at risk of AVN.

I believe you'd be eligible for Trekstock as you're young, they have exercise advice and support, and it's free as they're a charity.It seems like you could benefit from more personalised cancer exercise advice - I don't want to stereotype onc surgeons, but they can be gung ho/ big picture types and you should probably have specific advice. Good luck

I also have bone conducting ear phones.

Mine were shokz and expensive but they last ages battery wise and are extremely comfortable.

Sorry to hear about the cancer. Cancer sucks big time but good on you for getting out there and having a positive mental attitude. I'm sure that's tough.

Wow thank you everyone for so many helpful and kind and encouraging beautiful replies! I don’t have glasses to hand and not home so I’ll read and reply/thank you later and I’m just so grateful that all of you .. you don’t know me or have to spend a second to write a single word to me but you still do and it’s just amazing really .. this is definitely the ‘good’ side of the internet!

Ps- to a lovely mn who mentioned chemo - unfortunately too advanced so chemo and/or radio works prove more problematic (almost guaranteed fatal) so not even an option .. lots of morphine .. stress and huge other headaches/distractions .. my boys .. my rescue collie and rabbit are what are getting me through - oh and a lovely dose of denial too! thank you again everyone and wishing all a restful and lovely weekend x