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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Regretting my life choices- semi lighthearted

6 replies

Syu67 · 17/01/2025 21:54

It’s Friday night; I am drinking wine after another week of mental exhaustion from working in the City. For context - the parents divorced, grew up poor and had to be a golden child. This translated into working hard at school, uni, and career, and then resulted in being in a senior position as, frankly, my self-worth is defined by my hard work. Growing up poor made me even more determined to give the best life for my only child. But now I am just mentally exhausted after fighting with men at work, making myself sick with stress while my DH has a more relaxed life afforded by my hard work; he gets to spend so much time with our child. My DH is a good husband and father; I wouldn’t change that. Plus, I am happy there is always one of us there for our DD. He’s just not as ambitious or had a far better childhood and doesn’t think he needs to work all the time. Plus, I see many of my school mum friends only working part-time and having a far better quality of life than I do. I have no time for anything- it’s either work and constant fighting with men at work or home. I am starting to get resentful. Yes, I know that being SAHM isn’t easy one bit - I did that for a bit, too - but now I am second-guessing my life choices to work hard in a male-dominated industry. My DD is only 7, but I wonder what I should tell her - studying hard and working hard like me - yes, I am independent, but I am not free or marry well? As yes I have the funds but day to day my school mum friends are certainly better off!

OP posts:
Soonenough · 17/01/2025 22:00

Unless you hate your career maybe you made the wrong choice. But I envy you as a woman working on equal terms with men and being financially independent. I was a SAHM and had jobs rather than career to fit this. But my adult DCs think I was foolish as they see me as unachieving as as do too. Had I wanted to leave the marriage I would be in a very bad situation.

The best thing I think is that you have options . Pity we couldn't have two or more lives to do it all.

pandarific · 17/01/2025 22:04

I think maybe you should look for a part time role. Speak with husband, maybe both of you part time will balance out at the same amount of money. I bet you can find a good balance if you make it a priority.

mismomary · 17/01/2025 22:05

Deep down are you proud of your job or do you resent it? I think you are torn between two great things - your job and your family life. Enjoy the wine my friend!

Whatonearth07957 · 17/01/2025 22:06

Yup me too. Trying my best but jealous of those who have it easier but I have some control and autonomy, your child will be proud of you

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 17/01/2025 22:07

Can you go part time op? Or take a career break?

Congratulations on your work success, it's not nothing, its amazing and definitely something to be proud of

I also think that what you're feeling sounds normal - lots of people take breaks to enjoy the fruits of their success. And you can't live for anyone else but you and your child ❤️

LostittoBostik · 17/01/2025 22:14

Grass is always greener OP. Those other mums probably aren't having as nice a life as it seems.

I'm a part time/flexi freelancer juggling all the things while DH gets to just think about his career. Meanwhile my career and self worth are collapsing, we don't have enough money anyway as my income AND my long term earning potential has tanked. I'm terrified about retirement (extremely under prepared) and basically know that with 25 years of it left to go my career peaked at age 33.

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