Not Sure Whether to be Upset or Understanding?

[RamsaySnowsSausage]

My teen DC has been assigned Genealogy as one of their form projects. They have started and seem to be really enjoying it. The school has access to some online resources and I've started a free trial to Ancestry.com to help.

I am adopted (no attempted contact with birth family) and my dc has almost no interest in researching my side because we're not DNA related.

I do get it- part of the intrigue is seeing yourself physically or by other means reflected in your past. Like on Who Do You Think You Are, when the celebs can relate to certain traits or jobs or get personally upset.

But my (adoptive) parents ARE my parents and all those ancestors are legal relatives and we wouldn't be who/where we are without their existing (though I do get that that could be said about everyone in our lives, not just legal/biological relatives).

I'm not hurt or upset because I sort of feel that way too, ie. what is the point (hardly knew grandparents, father died young). And they have plenty to go out with their dad's family.

But still feel something 😕

I don't know- anyone have adoption in their family tree and how do you feel about it?

Wouldnt it be an interesting project anyway? If you're up for finding new relatives, that is

I would feel exactly the same as you. As I imagine would many adopted people. And also people who used donor eggs, sperm or embryos to conceive.

And then completely aside from that there is everyone who has difficult family pasts like abusive ex husbands/fathers that make this project a bit of a minefield

But back to your situation specifically: I understand why you’re not upset but upset. It’s completely valid,

Definitely- from an academic point of view it's great at teaching them research methodology, fact checking etc. and local history.

Thank you. It's a strange one.

And you make a great point about arseholes in the family past. DCs dad has multiple wrong'uns in his family yet they will be be given a spot on the family tree and given more consideration than they were worth.

Family history is fascinating but there are so many curveballs! Apparently in the class, it is being discovered that lots of grandparents, great grandparents and great, great grandparents were married only 5-6 months before their first child. No big deal nowadays but puts into perspective the reality of life despite Victorian/ Christian rules and the criticism of 'the youth of today'/ teen pregnancies!

My grandfather was a war orphan and was adopted by a wonderful woman. She features proudly in our family tree including her parents with their pretty interesting upbringing, relations and historical artifacts (minor European aristocracy). My blood relatives are pretty boring in comparison - long line of farmers with dramatic return from POW camp and horrendous stories of living on the front line during WW2 peppered through. Aaanyway... We are proud of our lineage and that includes everyone in it. My grandfather's mom was massively influential figure in our family life and, even though, we are not connected by blood, we are connected by shared mythology. I have never met her but I want the story of her to live in memories of younger generations. The same way we want to preserve a memory of my grandmother's 9 siblings who died before the age of 2. It's part of our family history and reflection of war time. So they are ligned up next to my grandmother on our family tree with their names and dates of birth and death.
Family history is not about DNA, it's about stories. Cherish the stories and encourage your children to do the same.

I'm adopted, DD is now an adult but obviously well aware of this. She's met my bio mum, as obviously I have too (relationship was v short lived though). My adopted family are to my mind my family, and DD feels the same way.

It's a weird one I guess? To me it just all seems absolutely normal! But people normally have loads of questions when the subject ever crops up.

I have an adopted parent. My grandparent did a huge genealogy deep dive. I found it fascinating and feel very much that it is my history, despite the lack of genetic connection. It is the story of how my family was built.

Definitely do get honoring the family you are brought into rather than born into. They chose us and they loved us (apologies, I know this is not everyone's experience).

But it feels really disconnected. I don't know- like if anything amazing was discovered it would be like being proud of the queen or a Trade Unionist etc.

Thank you for your responses.

@Catza Lovely sentiments 😍

I think you can be both. Teenagers are also pretty self absorbed and not known for their tact.

Did the teacher know you are adopted? Were any guidelines given?