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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my DC to a nursery that is not local to us

18 replies

Hocuspoc · 17/01/2025 20:54

We are happy with a nursery our DS attends, there were few ups and downs but overall they are very caring, kind, have a wonderful space, and are not extortionately priced.
Most importantly ds is so happy every morning when entering the toddler room, he knows all his friends names...
We are due to move houses soon, and although not moving too far - this particular nursery will be a good 30 minute walk - one way - and I am determined to continue taking dc there.
I just can't bear the thought of taking him out of what he feels is his safe environment and him having to settle again :(
DH says I am delusional thinking this is feasible long term and that I will give up for sure, so why not change the nursery immediately. He is happy to help and do his share of nursery runs, but he is right about thinking that it may be exhausting for our little one every day in the stroller for an hour just for that...
Has anyone persevered in a similar endeavour, aibu?

OP posts:

WhoPutTheBomp · 17/01/2025 20:56

My children went to nursery 30 minutes walk away, village life meant there was only one in walking distance.

Your husband is being silly.

Whatabouthow · 17/01/2025 20:57

We walk twenty mins to pre school each day. So around an hour and a half for me and my toddler who doesn't go yet. Thirty mins doesn't seem crazy to me, maybe you can get a trailer bike if the roads are suitable and it's a pain.

mynameiscalypso · 17/01/2025 20:57

We moved so we were about a 25min walk from nursery. It wasn't a massive deal but we walk a lot. DS used to eat snacks mainly.

readingmakesmehappy · 17/01/2025 20:58

Takes us about 12 mins to cycle to nursery, which would be 40 mins walk. Can you cycle?

FacingTheWall · 17/01/2025 21:02

Thirty minutes is a perfectly reasonable walk to school/nursery. It can only be about a mile and a half? Why would it be exhausting for the toddler who’s sitting in the pushchair?

pinksquash13 · 17/01/2025 21:12

Absolutely fine in my opinion. Any option to drive in bad weather? I agree about not moving a settled nursery age child. Also short term pain as they start school at some point.

Willyoujustbequiet · 17/01/2025 21:23

Our nursery was 8 miles away. Nearest one.

30 mins is absolutely fine.

User457788 · 17/01/2025 21:26

Can you not just drive? Not many toddlers would relish a 1 hour commute each day. Will any of his friends there likely go to the same school as him?

KrisAkabusi · 17/01/2025 21:30

For those saying 30 minutes is fine, you do realise you'll have to do that four times a day? It doesn't sound that practical to me.

PickledElectricity · 17/01/2025 21:30

How old is he? If he's just started I'd probably move him if there was a good one close to the new home, if he was nearing the the then I'd likely keep him there so as not to have too many changes in a small space of time.

Do you have to walk? Could you drive, cycle, etc?

My nursery is a 10 minute walk away and we're so often late it's not funny.

thesaskedminger · 17/01/2025 21:32

A 30 minute walk for an adult or for a toddler? If it's a mapped estimate you can add another 15 mins at least because toddlers don't walk that fast. Also as a pp says, 4 times a day is a lot to be walking that in all hours. I wouldn't.

KarmenPQZ · 17/01/2025 22:50

Do you then go from nursery to work? A bike would be better. Plus you need to be giving toddler plenty of chances to walk themselves to build up their stamina which will be harder.

also what happens on your day to take him if you’re ill. Too far for you to walk so if hubby already at work you’re stuck being ill and looking after toddler.

how do you deal with toddler being sick and needing picking up - 30 mins is fine but if you’re working further away.

are you going to have another child and still need to be doing 2 hours walking a day?

I wouldn’t say it’s impossible and we’ve done not quite as far but far enough. As long as you think about all the different eventualities and you’re happy dealing with them.

you can also keep hi. There and see how the first week / month goes but I guess you might want to be on a waiting list somewhere in case.

FunDeer · 17/01/2025 23:04

So 30 minutes at adult walking pace with a stroller. As he gets older and refuses stroller it will be 45 minutes on the return journey. In all weathers? Will you be walking if the child is ill and the nursery call you to collect him? I agree with your DH, move him now and save yourself long term unnecessary effort.

PlaneNoiz · 17/01/2025 23:05

FunDeer · 17/01/2025 23:04

I agree with this. In the long term it’ll be better.

BlondeMamaToBe · 17/01/2025 23:07

It was miserable when I did this with my little one. She would be so tired afterwards and want carried home. Not so bad in summer but horrific in winter.

We moved closer to nursery and school and it was only 5 min walk. Best thing you can do is live as close as possible.

Original poster

Hocuspoc · 18/01/2025 22:05

Thank you all so much, I loved the first responses encouraging me to keep him in his nursery, but the later posts sounded more like my DH's arguments.
To answer a few things - it is 30 mins grown up's walking pace. We walk to nursery, I could consider driving when we move - but during drop off and particularly during pick up time it may be even longer than 30mins, as we need to drive through a sort of traffic bottleneck road, so no point doing it.
I don't cycle.
He is almost 2 so he is due moving to the next room soon anyway - but so are his friends from his current room. And they rotate teachers too.

One thing worth mentioning, and this is probably why I am overthinking this. We don't have any family here in UK, and most of my friends here don't have kids - those who do are not living close by so we rarely meet up.
So DS's nursery is really the only other home away from home place he knows - teachers and the kids.
I just feel so sad thinking I'll just take him out one say Friday and he will wave and smile to them and I'll have to tell him - well that's it, these people and kids are not in your life anymore :(
Yes I am sure there will be lovely kids and teachers somewhere else too but I just find this so horribly difficult. I really do think I am unreasonable here...but I can't help it.

OP posts:

Bearbookagainandagain · 18/01/2025 22:22

I wouldn't mind the walk if I wasn't working and had time to the hour walk twice a day. But things change a lot between 2 and 5.

My 3 yo walks to nursery for a start. Yes he can easily walk that distance on the weekend at his pace, but twice a day would be a massive stretch, and I wouldn't want to keep him in a pushchair on a daily commute when he do without.

Although they have friends at 2, proper playdates haven't started until he was 3. Friends he wanted to invite as opposed to things organised between the parents. And distance matters a lot, we all go to the same playgrounds, same soft play etc. It's easy. We do see friends who live on the other side of town but not as often.

I think it's only going to get worse as they grow towards school age. And then they'll still go to a different school to their nursery friends.
I feel it will have to happen someday anyway, I would rather it happening at 2 than at 5.

DappledThings · 18/01/2025 22:25

DC went to a nursery a 20 minute drive up the motorway away. It was simple early on because it was at DH's work and on my way to the station. During covid it became, once you include picking up and all of that faff, a nearly hour long round trip twice a day.

No regrets. It was totally worth it to not disrupte them and keep them somewhere we liked so much.

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