To think there’s techniques nursery could do to prevent hitting

[Drearycommuter]

Hi, my DD 3 keeps getting hit by a boy in her nursery. been ongoing maybe 2 or 3 months. With his hand and also with toys. She told me and nursery also keep me informed about it.

but nursery don’t seem to be able to do anything about it. I actually get the sense they want him to leave although they haven’t said that.

Aibu to expect them to have some tricks to better manage this apart from stopping him when he does it and then shrugging their shoulders?

I don’t want her to be hit, and I also don’t want to remove her because that seems unfair on her. And I also feel for him and would hate him to get kicked out because he’s only 3 too. Not sure what to do.

I think it’s a hard one for the nursery to deal with really because while I totally agree there are ways and strategies for trying to avoid this, those tricks really would require 121 supervision for the child and typically nurseries have a 1 adult to 8 kids ratio for 3 year+ kids so it becomes much more tricky to implement and keep on top of because they simply don’t have the staff to dedicate 1 person solely to his care.

Given that my toddler used to manage to get the occasional hit in with my other child and I was only watching them, I suspect they are managing to stop him from hitting a lot. You'll obviously only hear about the times they don't manage.

That’s a good point.

im planning on hoping it improves but amightly worried that it won’t change and not sure I’m doing her a good service by taking her there every day.

but hate the thought of removing her - she has lots of lovely friends there, it is part of a carefully planned life as a single working parent with her sister in school next door.

what would others do?

I don’t really think there’s much you can do. It’s developmentally normal for that age, the ratios don’t accommodate 121 supervision, and he won’t be the only child hitting either so as long as the nursery are aware and keeping at it the best they can, that’s all you can ask.

Even if you chose to swap nurseries, it could well happen again, as I say it’s a totally normal developmental thing for the age, unless you chose a solo childminder or one who only has older kids.

If they had a travel cot or play pen they could instantly put him in it for a couple of minutes when he did it. He'd still be able to see people so it's not cruel, it would just let him see he gets no attention for it and is removed from the fun. It might not be fashionable but doesn't mean it's wrong. Current methods will go out of fashion too in time. It worked for my dd 20 years ago. She could always see us.

I disagree actually. By now a 3 year old shouldn't be hitting, an occasional hit I can understand, but not repeatedly hitting others.

Your child has the right to be safe and secure at Nursery. I'd ask the nursery what their plan is and how to do their absolute best to ensure your daughter is kept from being hurt.

Tell her to hit him back.

she has every right to protect herself. He’ll then find some other kid to do it to.

@ChestnutGrove this would work well in a home environment. And I would support a parent doing so.

There’s absolutely no way this would ever happen in a nursery.
I would think even having a playpen in the building would have them rated inadequate, let alone using it as a punishment.

As a parent I know that incidents between my 2 could happen right in front of my eyes and that’s just with 2 children.

Imagine working in a nursery (I do) and you are in charge of 8 small 3 and 4 year olds all with different needs and behaviours.

an incident can happen within a second. As a parent it’s horrid when your child is hurt but as an early years worker it’s so hard when children we are looking after are involved in incidents of children hitting, we do our best to protect all children and we try many strategies to avoid children being hurt by others however it’s difficult.

You're a nicer person than me. I wouldn't 'feel for' a kid who kept hitting my kid. 😅

Can you make an appointment to speak to them and ask them to outline what exactly they are doing to try to prevent this? Is there a complaint procedure, given it is happening so often?

If anyone should go, it should be him tbh.

100% this. The nursery staff are run ragged. They do an extremely tough job with little thanks and peanuts pay. If you want her in childcare you have to accept this can happen. Both mine were getting bitten at nursery constantly. Told them to bite them back...... surprise surprise it suddenly stopped. My boys know hitting, biting etc is wrong but they also know they can stick up for themselves if they have to and they won't get in trouble from us for it. It's not ok to let someone get away with constantly hurting you.

Surely your child was between 12 months and 2 though since just about any three year old could climb out of a travel cot or play pen pretty easily, in which case you'd be as well using the naughty step or thinking spot or whatever.

Got to be honest my dad told me to hit back when I was 3 nearly 4 after a boy really hurt me. Next time he went to hit me my little fists were flying. He ran away and never went near me again.

If the child is a repeat offender, then it really is necessary to keep a closer eye on him. They should also produce some sort of guidance for his parents so they will work on the hitting at home.

But hitting back is actually good advice. Consequences and all that..

Why should your 3 year old have to bear the brunt of being constantly hit by another child? Is she not very distressed or stressed about having to go in every day?

So op what is your technique?

Totally not allowed to isolate a child as a punishment.

Precious first born? It happens

As a fed-up early years worker, I advise that you teach her to hit back.

🙄

Is your child being particularly targeted on a regular basis? We had this happen and the nursery split the kids into basically 2 or 3 groups depending on numbers and tried to keep them physically apart for a while (e.g. swapping outdoor and indoor groups and encouraging them into different areas). The incidents reduced a fair bit after that and after a while they reintroduced them to spending time in the same group again.

Ask the manager how they are going to safeguard your child and make sure she isn’t hurt again. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt at nursery. If it keeps happening I agree with pp, tell her to hit back. There’s some children in my dds class at school that hit other children and I’ve told my dd that if they try it with her to make sure she hits back.

Wow didnt know that. I found it worked really quickly. What methods do they use?

Yes she was not long 2. Never needed to do it after that as it worked so quickly and well.

They just say something like please use gentle hands and possibly ask the child to play somewhere else.
When I have looked after a child that constantly hurts the other kids I would often put them at a table with activities on their own.
I would talk to the staff about what is being done, but the best thing would be to tell her to hit back, or to pull his hair really hard.