Two 8 year olds should be able to play without a screen

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DS 8 plays hours and hours with Lego- building, or role play. He also loves writing and drawing. I still read to him every bedtime, and he spends a lot of time listening to his Yoto player. On week nights he is allowed DH‘s iPad from 5pm until whenever dinner is ready (usually about 6pm). He generally plays Sonic or Tocca Bocca World. We don’t allow YouTube. At the weekend he is allowed a bit longer. I’m happy with our routine, I think DS has a good balance.

His best friend (also 8) spends most if his time on his own iPad, or Switch. He doesn’t play with toys anymore, and has no interest in reading (his mum told me this, I‘m not just being judgy). DS says it is boring at his friend’s house, because all he wants to do us watch football videos on YouTube and they never play anything.

Every time his friend comes over, it only takes 10 minutes until they are asking for the iPad. They are only 8, I‘m not happy with them spending a whole playdate gaming. I do however let them have it after a while of playing. DS is desperate to play games (Lego or general role play) with his friend, but his friend just is not interested and pretty much mopes around until it is iPad time.

AIBU to be really shocked by this? I really think two 8 year olds should be able to have a 2 hour play date without a screen. Am I just an old lady and this is how most kids are nowadays?

It sounds like they just don't want to play the same things. If he isn't interested in Lego or role playing then he isn't interested.

I tell kids to go home if they want to be on tablets or phones😅
Once a kid took me up on the threat so off she trotted, had to call the mum!

Well if you don't want your DS to hang the iPad for that long then that's fine. You can tell the child no and if they dont have any interest playing then call the mum to pick them up.

Try not to judge too much. There may be things you do that they wouldn't do.

I’m with you OP. We don’t allow screens on play dates, unless for a very specific reason like doing an art tutorial on YouTube. Even then I’d now supervise it, following an incident where the visiting friend asked if they could borrow a laptop to show my DC a coding exercise and instead tried to download gaming software, introducing some nasty malware to my laptop which had to be totally wiped.

Yes, I think maybe the boys’ interests are diverging, and 8 is probably when they start to get more secure in their own interests. My DS is 8 and he is not, and clearly never will be, interested in football. It’s quite polarising at that age. It may be the football rather than the fact it’s on You tube that is the issue?

Does your DS have any female friends? I find that the girls tend to be better with role play type games, even the ones whose screen time is not limited. I’ve also noticed that when my DS and his friends get on to screens during play dates they are usually doing collaborative things like playing games either against each other or commenting on each other’s skills/strategy. It’s not mindless watching.

They have different interests and you sound very judgy about it.

My 8 year old hates Lego or building games. He doesn’t like reading or drawing. That’s just who he is. He likes watching football trick shots or playing FIFA. He is only allowed an hour a day doing this and the rest of the time he will watch some TV and then play football in the garden when it’s light enough.

He probably wouldn’t have anything in common with your son and would struggle to play with him.

Children allowed lots of screens, lose the ability to be creative parents condition them not to play. As a cm an 8 year old starting with me find it boring the first few days then start playing.

I'm not shocked because I know there are a lot of parents who think playing on screens for most of the time is ok. But it's not. Well done you for setting time limits with your son.

I am surprised at the lack of active play/ outside time in a male 8yo play date. Was this after school I would never have attempted this type of unstructured " quiet" activity with DS and his friends unless they had run about a bit first- the house would have been destroyed ! DS was never great at imaginative play- he is 20 now and doesn't seem to have done him any harm. Did you try sitting down and playing a board game or cards with them- I might have done that for a bit to avoid screens. Battleships, monopoly or cluedo all good at this age...

Adults do this when socialising as well, a sign of the times.
Sitting together in bars & restaurants, each on their phones.

I agree with you. They are there to play together, I think.

My year 3 has no access to a tablet and limited time on switch at weekends only. She has some tv but has to share with her 4 year old brother so they watch family friendly films. She loves reading, Lego and board games. Most of her friends seem similar but I know that’s probably unusual nowadays.

I think it's also easier for DC to play if they have a younger sibling at home.

DS1 (nearly 9) will still happily play role playing games or with the toy soldiers and vehicles for hours with DS2 (nearly 5), but when he has a same age friend round they just want to play PlayStation all the time. (He doesn't have playdates very often so I generally let him, but if he had more regular play dates I wouldn't be as happy with it).

I agree with this - if I hear "I'm bored" and whining I pull out the board games - which are more boring the more busy I am, for a reason 😂
In general if they can't play and start wanting screens, I do get involved be it activity (art and craft, clay stuff, painting etc), board games or trivia for their age range etc. Sometimes I'll have them make their own fruit salad so get them all chopping. I have girls though!
I do allow some TV but I sometimes have all day playdates or half a day so the hours have to get filled!

I think it's also a matter of different interests as PP has said. My DS7 is no good at all with role play games and would get bored very quickly. He does have access to Minecraft on an iPad at home and we watch tv together in the evenings. He plays board games or things like racing hot wheels with his friends or building Lego cities. Not all children like role play and imaginative games however much you encourage them.

This.
It's fine for kids to have different interests and it's totally normal for one kid to be bored by another kid's idea of fun.

But let's not normalize asking for an iPad after 30 minutes.

Yes, one wants to be on a screen and the other doesn't mind doing something more creative and engaging.

Or one wants to constantly role play when the other one simply isn't interested. It sounds like they have very little in common.

Also, both of them were asking for screens. Not just the friend.

Agree they may have different interests. But I also know having witnessed it with my kids when we've been lax, that the longer you have on youtube or devices, the more boring things seem in comparison.

Maybe worth meeting out for your next playdate? Take them to an adventure playground or climbing centre? It's hard in winter though without spending lots.

Have exactly the same issue with my 8 year old and their best friend. I just say no, we don’t play on screens when we have guests.

Honestly is it really that big a deal if he has not that much done on it generally but a bit longer now and then on a play date?

I do think some people think it's a bit superior if their child isn't as interested as another to have a go on it. I have some kids here and it's barely touched and other times where they will spend a few hours mucking about on them and mine doesn't have any iPad time during the week only some at weekends

The issue is not screens, it’s that the two children have different interests and it makes them a bit incompatible when it comes to play dates.

When my DS was younger there was one boy who would come for play dates and it would end up like this, my son wanted to role play with toys, the other boy wasn’t into toys and wanted to play football. My son hated football so they ended up on screens. Eventually there were other kids who came round who were delighted to sit playing transformers for hours.

Currently in similar situation with my DD, the parents in her year are a lot less receptive to play dates (even though they are almost 9!) so there are only a few we have over and the play isn’t massively compatible either, with one they end up on Roblox because they just can’t agree on what to play (play fine in school!) the other is ok as long as they can get outside but in bad weather they just seem to pull out all the toys but not actually play anything and DD gets frustrated. It’s annoying but hopefully we will get there with other girls soon.

Is this one of those 'tell me I'm a hero' posts?

I agree with you. It’s a slippery slope. Stay strong. My son pushes to game every night. He’s 12. We don’t let him have screens Mon-Thursday apart from an hour. He’s been choosing to use that time to watch Traitors! It’s so nice when he’s off the game as he helps me cook and generally hangs out with us. So important. I often say in my messages to parents, would Jonny like to come over? It’s no screens though, Pokémon cards or anything else but no screens. Gives them time to tell their kids and sort expectations.

My guess is OP hasn’t come back because people are giving sensible answers instead of just tearing this poor boys parents apart for allowing him screens (if he exists of course and OP isn’t just someone so smug about her own parenting she is inventing threads to pat herself on the back!)

Yabu to be shocked that small children get addicted to tablets. It's incredibly common.