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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if siblings share the same financial mindset or do yours think you’re crazy?

15 replies

TheHazelReader · 17/01/2025 16:02

I’ve noticed big differences in how my siblings and I view saving, spending, and even what we consider financial success.

What do you think shaped your financial mindset - was it your parents, personal experiences, or maybe even your birth order? I’d love to hear how others feel about this dynamic with their brothers or sisters!

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 17/01/2025 16:10

My finances are different to my siblings purely because they are married and I'm single. I have no one to rely on financially and my financial independence is extremely important to me (some reasons for this stems from my childhood).

Our outlook is probably similar but we have different concerns.

Valid8me · 17/01/2025 16:25

Me and my brother have always been different, even when we were younger and both unmarried. He is a saver, I am a spender.

I could have £5 in my purse and would be constantly thinking of things I can spend it on!

I'm the eldest by 2.5 years, if that makes any difference.

Meadowfinch · 17/01/2025 16:30

All my siblings are married, and seem to trust their spouses with shared finances, several with disastrous results. I am mid-family.

I've never trusted anyone enough to share finances. Like @iamnotalemon , being single, I have to be self sufficient and having grown up penniless, I am very careful. Plus I have another year of school fees to pay, but the end is in sight. I'll relax around about Easter '26

DarkDarkNight · 17/01/2025 16:34

The only thing we share is that we’re not overly materialistic or at all flashy. Out of all of us one is definitely much better with money, lots of savings, mortgage paid off. I’m a bit reckless, a binge spender if you will. I managed to save during COVID but not in the long term.

Crushed23 · 17/01/2025 16:35

We're completely different. Two siblings are savers partly because they have a child each and children are expensive and there are big outlays (school fees, driving lessons, university fees, house deposit) that need planning for.

I'm single and child-free and though I do have savings and investments, I'm much more relaxed and have a more 'live in the moment' attitude.

Isitisit · 17/01/2025 16:38

Ours attitudes have always been different and it’s amplified by who we have married.

me - saver from young. Married a finance professional. We invest and try to grow our assets, have less stuff than my siblings but what we do have is more expensive generally as we don’t really impulse buy.

sister - would spend what money she has but didn’t need much as was happy with not much. As an adult better at saving/budgeting but often skint.

brother - spent money as soon as he had it but motivated to earn more also. He and his wife spend what money they have very quickly but are also good at finding bargains.

madamweb · 17/01/2025 16:40

Neither of DH siblings own a house (and they are quite a bit older than him - in their late 50s now) so could have bought when it was cheap to buy. They spend all their money every month then try and guilt him into helping them out.

We probably have a pretty middle ground approach. Savings, pension, house equity but we have fun too.
One of my siblings is similar. The other has a very high salary and owns several properties but also has a huge credit card debt

StepUpSlowly · 17/01/2025 16:52

I have got 4 siblings (one is a young child so I won’t count her) but we are all very different in our approach with money.

Me: the oldest one, I am a saver by nature and very financially aware. Had my own mini business at 13 and would always save my pocket money to buy bigger items.

As an adult now I am nearing on 30 on a high salary with my own home (paid off) + some savings. I have always managed to have a good time (ironically more than my siblings) but always with finance in mind. Which means traveling by bus abroad vs flying even if it meant 24 hours on a bus, staying at an hostel vs hotel, drinking the cheapest alcohol and buying the cheapest clothes/ version of what I want.

My view was shaped by the fact I grew dirt poor with a mom who has no financial awareness and continuously needs to be bailed out. It made me very wary of depending on others for my own finances and I have always wanted to do well and gift myself the life I wanted vs going for the life people felt I was predestined for based on the context I was born.

DB1: a year and half younger than me and he is the TOTAL opposite of me. Hard work just doesn’t exist in his world, working in fact is not something that interest him. And he is the biggest freeloader I know. Continuously endebted and looking for any and every “quick cash” money scheme so as not to have to work. He spends like he is a millionaire despite living in my mom’s garage.

if you give him a 1000€ he will spend it buying a branded item + taking a girl to a fancy hotel to “show off” and pretend he is someone he isn’t.

I honestly don’t understand why he would rather live a pretend life he can’t afford instead of working at getting that life if that’s what attracts him.

We are from the exact same background but it seems like scarcity and our humble background has created that need for him to live in a fantasy world in which he lives a life that’s not truly is.

DB2: 6 years younger than me (early 20’s). He is the most alike to me when it comes to finances and the most responsible one. He is less financially/career driven than I am (he likes a quiet life so he has rejected promotions so as not to add stress to his plate) and likes branded items so spend more than I ever would on the things he does. BUT he never spends above his means and has been doing a good job at savings. In fact we are working on a buying a place together so he can get on the housing ladder and both have a small passive income. He is the only sibling I would feel confident doing that with and tying my finances with.

(I believe his approach to finances is based on his “don’t want to ever have to stress about anything” personality which means he tends to avoid debt so enjoy himself within reason)

DB3: late teens, so it’s hard to count him in but he is maybe a mix of DB2 and DB1. He is a harder worker than DB1 and is a bit more financially aware and focused like DB2 but he is also a bigger spender and I can see him going either way (either more like DB1 though less extreme) or DB2. I hope he will go for the latter personally.

It always fascinates me how siblings can turn out so different in most topics and especially in finances and how two siblings can have two completely different approaches to the same issue as well as be impacted completely differently by the same events they have been through during childhood.

BBQPete · 17/01/2025 17:09

I think it helps having had good advice, and good modelling, but I think a huge amount of the way you feel about spending / saving comes from within.

I have 3 (now adult) dc and they've had the same advice and support, but they are very, very different in the way they spend and save,

sweetpickle2 · 17/01/2025 17:11

I come from a family of budgeters, my brother is the same. I am a compulsive overspender, most likely due to my ADHD.

ChillWith · 17/01/2025 17:12

Valid8me · 17/01/2025 16:25

Me and my brother have always been different, even when we were younger and both unmarried. He is a saver, I am a spender.

I could have £5 in my purse and would be constantly thinking of things I can spend it on!

I'm the eldest by 2.5 years, if that makes any difference.

Same!

SmeII · 17/01/2025 17:13

I was recently chatting to my sister about private pensions. She very nonchalantly said “I keep meaning to sign up to one- must do it soon”.

She’s 60.

We're very different.

Planesmistakenforstars · 17/01/2025 17:21

My oldest sister is happy to live on finance. She won't settle for lesser options, she would rather get the best and put it on a credit card. She has a really great lifestyle, but very little savings.

My less older sister (and her husband) is cautious, and a saver. They will watch the pennies (though they are definitely not mean, quite the opposite) and save for the future rather than have an amazing holiday even if they can afford one.

I have no interest in large savings, assets or investments. I live simply and am unlikely to spend on frivolous things, but I'm quite a "you only live once" person, so when I build up savings I'll go off travelling for a couple of years or buy a nice motorbike.

Superscientist · 17/01/2025 17:26

Middle of 3 quite different

I save as much as I can an spend minimally. Saves spends on a short cycle so often ends up spending so needs to save again but single parent with one income. Sister 2can save a lot but can also spend a lot.

Although we were brought up together the financial situation of our parents was different at different points in our childhood.
Eldest was born into poverty and was a free school meals kids. Things improved around the age of 6-7 and then again around 11 and best from late teens onwards
When I was young money was tight but with careful management there was space for nice things. I think this is where my money mindset is most heavily based. Money was easier once I was in my teens
Youngest born in the careful management but we were moved towards things being easier around 7 or 8 so she saw more that nice things were possible with less planning ahead and more naturally fell into place. I think this is where sister 2s mindset is mostly based.
Sister 1s mindset with money was mostly reset from parental background by her husband. They were together 14-15 years mostly abusive and controlling and it's had long lasting consequences beyond the end of the marriage

DoYouReally · 17/01/2025 17:32

I have a heap of siblings. Majority are good with money, 2 are rubbish.

My parents were very strong on guiding us.

We all had to pay rent after finishing school - token amount but they gave it back to us in full as a deoosit for rent/house when ee moved out. If you paid it all online, you got the lot back. I think 1% was deducted for reminders and 2% for late payments or something like that.

If they gave you money towards a car or something, if you paid the first years payments back with no issues, the rest became a gift. Any issue, it moved to 18 months etc.

The 2 siblings that are poor with money were back then too!

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