Spouse a nightmare since stopping anti depressants ! AIBU to wish they would do back on them!

[Frenchfriesandsoup]

Name changed for this.

After a relocation , spouses mental health declined and after a few years became extremely hard to live with. They decided to take some anti depressants and they became a different person and it was extremely positive.

They have now stopped taking the medication and we are back to short tempered , rude and in my opinion quite unkind. I am feeling if this person is here to stay I will become extremely miserable. When I have broached this subject they are not able to reflect and say i am sensitive. I can’t live like this long term .

They say they felt the medication was no longer necessary.

AIBU to wish they would return to their medication.

Tell them that you cannot live with them as they are. Not should you have to when the refuse to seek help.

Your not unreasonable to wish it at all, as it is about behaviour - not your wish to medicate them.

Important to understand the side effects of living on ssris and the time after cessation.

I hope things improve for you both!

This really. They either go back on it long term, or you break up.

Mine is the same sadly. Every few years thinks he doesn't need them. I've told him I'll leave if he stops again he is an evil snidey person without them and I don't want my daughter thinking that is what husbands should be like

Makes me so sad

So the relocation is an issue and causing them distress and stress by the sounds of it for whatever reason. I would look at helping them with that side of things - maybe it is that they are lonely, maybe they are feeling the loss of their old life and struggling with that. Loss of friends, work, hobbies etc. I would speak to them about that before looking to zombify them with pills which will not solve the problem about what is hurting them.

How long have they been off them for? F it's only been a few weeks they are likely still suffering from withdrawal. Coming off the ones I was on even very gradually it took a couple of months for the mood swings to settle, but then I was fine.

Is untreated mental illness your hill to die on?

If so and he's not complying with his treatment plan, split up.

I understand the difference between a spouse on ad and off.
Night and day.
I fell back in love with my ex when he was on ad. Few months in and he quit them.
I was constantly trying to find the lovely ex. Never did. Wasted years.
Don't be me.

It’s just I walk on egg shells. Each day is pretty much my no spouse being rude / snappy and insinuating I’m really irritating him. I feel i become inconfident and self doubting as they are cold and critical for almost everything. We share two tweens and I am afraid they will think that it is acceptable to behave like this and or not want to be at home due to spouses behaviour. I don’t want to live my life with a miserable person who makes me insecure and walk on egg shells .

That's some Jedi-level mind game. It's not the MH issue, it's the behaviour. Snappy, short-tempered and rude every day? Absolutely that's a hill I'd die on.

OP, some people need anti-depressants for a short time to get over a life event, others need them permanently like me. When I first met my DH he didn't like the thought of me being on them, although I'd been taking them on and off from age 23, and when I met him was 32, so I came off of them. Within a couple of months, I was fighting him to get out of the house and go and drown myself in the local marina!! At that point he realised that I needed them. I went back to the doctor, and after a couple of weeks was back to my 'normal', balanced self. I recently felt myself getting low, even though I hadn't stopped taking my anti-depressants, so contacted my GP as I'd been on the ones I was taking for 15 years. After about 4 weeks, during which time I was partially weened off the first type, and then gradually started the second type, once again I am back to my 'normal' self.

My point being, that without them, I am sad, and miserable, and who wants to live life like that, just for the sake of not taking a tablet?

Tell your DH my story, and that he needs to go back to his doctor. If he refuses, then end the relationship, as life won't be worth living by the sound of it.

Then you've got your answer. You can't live with this and don't want to model this for your kids.

How would you feel about separating and see if he will agree to comply with his treatment plan? Do you think he would stay on his meds?

It's really tough when someone decides they're not going to take their meds and then they have behavioural changes that are unacceptable. But he can't be forced to medicate.

You can't force him to take the drugs.

He can't force you to live with the consequences of him not taking them.

It's your choice. Tell him as much: I can't live with you like this, so take your pick. Go back onto ADs and stay on them, or I'm going to leave you because I can't live like this.

Stop agonising and choose.

Choose life.

Your life.

How you want it to be.

He won't change.

You can't change him.

You can change your life by changing one thing - who you spend it with.

This 100%

You owe him nothing if he chooses to self distruct and not help himself; you don't have to stay and live in hell for anyone.

Do you still want to be battling this into old age? I know a couple in their 80s, married 65 years, who still do.

It is selfish behaviour for your partner to expect you to live with this.

Do they have any counselling? Are they willing to see their GP to discuss this?

What is the reason they've gone off them? Are they looking at trying an alternative (eg was it a side effects issue and they'll try something else?), or are they looking at therapy? It sounds like maybe not?

I have bad depression and anxiety so I'm not unsympathetic to them. But I don't think it's ok to ignore the effects on other people. It's one thing for someone to say "these side effects aren't great, I'd like to stop taking them and see what happens, and if it's bad I will look to try another type/therapy". It's completely different to stop taking them and refuse to discuss it.

I had exactly this when my Dp stopped taking Sertreline. He stopped taking it after being on it for years because it made him 'too chilled,' Since he came off it, true he has done a lot more jobs and fixing stuff round the house but I now have the constant ' you don't want to do it like that...!'(for those of you old enough think Harry Enfield's character) whenever I do anything from leaving wet cloths on the work tops or don't put stuff away right away ( i am usually half way through a job! and was going to put stuff away when job is finished) I blew up at him the other day and told him to either shut up or go back on the tablets. He has been a lot better since then, how long that will last I don't know. So I either live with Harry Enfield, but have loads of jobs done or I live with a passive couch potato who is easy going and chilled but does fuck all!