To need a hand hold right now?

[Unsuresusan]

I have missed my period and while it's still coming up negative feel quite convinced I'm pregnant. Not a bad thing at all, I want to have a baby with my DP. We've had a whirlwind romance of moving in and getting engaged after 3 months, moving country together and enjoying our life. Due to be married in April just a few days after our first anniversary.

We are from different but equally as judgemental evangelical Christian places. We both chose to go to church as teens and my family is not religious and his famous are a different faith.

I am so so scared about the shame and judgement we are going to face if I am pregnant before we get married. And I know that's stupid and it doesn't matter what other people think but, in fact, it does. It does matter what you know people are saying behind your back. It does matter that people you hardly know think of you. It does. It affects how you feel about yourself and your place in thr world. I was mercilessly bullied for all my childhood, it still affects me.

We live in NI away from my family and his for my work. He knows some people here but apart from the people I work with I know no one.

So, I'm frightened, confused, and feel so alone. My DP is being fantastic, absolutely cannot fault him. I'm worried he thinks how I feel at the moment is a reflection on him and my want to have a family with him which it isnt at all.

Please, just hold my hand and tell me its going to be fine if I am pregnant. Tell me if you've been through a similar thing and how you coped.

I hardly showed at all until well into pregnancy so with a careful choice of dress, no one is likely to be any the wiser on your wedding day especially with a first baby.

Babies born less than 9 months after a wedding have been very common long before modern times even in Ireland. I really don't think anyone is going to give it more than a passing thought.

Congratulations!

I really appreciate that, but I know some people who've heavily judged people in my (potential position before). I'm deffo overthinking it😥

Hi OP. I can0t help you with what your respective communities will do and say but to give you a fellow Christian perspective, I wouldn't judge you. You are in an exclusive, loving relationship, engaged to marry and if you came to our church you would be welcomed. Our vicar is divorced and remarried, we have people who are gay, living together but not married, single, all sorts. Jesus loves everyone.
Congratulations either way!

This reminds me of Grey's anatomy episode. Why don't you just wait to confirm you are actually pregnant before catastrophising.

When you say missed period how long since you were due on? It may just be you’ve ’missed your period’. I did in December, not pregnant, just a Christmas gift 😂

I wouldn’t get worked up without a positive test.

Because if it were that easy I'd have done that? I am trying my best to do that in the day to day but I'm just looking for a bit of advice and support here.

It's been long enough to consider the possibility of pregnancy and my periods have always been like clockwork.

I am aware it might be much ado about nothing, but I'm just looking for some preemptive advice.

Thank you💐

Life is generally much better when you don't actually allow people to have power over you regarding their opinions.

If your period is late and you’re testing negative you’re vanishingly unlikely to be pregnant. So the best advice is to use bullet proof contraception until you’re both ready to actively try to conceive - presumably after your wedding in a few months.

Other advice is don’t spend time with judgemental arseholes. God doesn’t care if you get pregnant unmarried. If other people do, and worse would be nasty about it, seek better company.

You’re wasting time stressing.

But if you are late by a considerable number of days and the test is negative (and, presumably you tested several times) then the chances of you actually being pregnant are close to zero.
I "felt pregnant" many many times. Each time it was nothing but my imagination.

As to the other stuff.. I know it's a cliché but therapy can be really useful because, truthfully, what people you hardly know think of you (which you don't even know that they think) does not impact you unless you let it. You are letting it so you may need to do something about it by talking to a therapist. In CBT it is referred to as "mind reading" and is nothing more than projection of your own throughs. Once you realise that, it's surprisingly empowering.

If it’s past your due date and you’ve used an ‘early’ pregnancy test it’s very unlikely your expecting.

Why don't you just do a test to save yourself the worry?...

If your period is late and you're still testing negative it's very unlikely that you're pregnant. Could be a chemical pregnancy, or maybe your period is just late.

Try not to worry about something that hasn't happened yet.

I have missed my period and while it's still coming up negative

So your period is late but the test is negative?

I think if you are ‘late’ a pregnancy test would say you are pregnant (if you are), how late are you?

If your period is late due to pregnancy then you’d have a positive test. Pregnancy tests are very accurate. The only way to know if your period is really ‘late’ is if you were tracking ovulation.

My point being don’t get ahead of yourself. Test every couple of days and just take each day as it comes before you succumb to panic.

You only need to answer to God, not anyone else. Ignore them, concentrate on your family. If you need to find a more welcoming community I hope that's an option for you.