To feel physically sick

[Allswelll]

My ex of 15 years left me for OW, at first I was distraught, now I feel like I hate him and the thought of them both makes me feel physically sick? Is this normal? When will I feel nothing? What are all these emotions

Has he been your ex for 15 years or were you together for 15 years?

Are you still in touch?

Sorry no. We were together for 15 years and been split up about 4 months now

We have children together and the thought of having to see him when it’s time for him to pick the kids up sends shivers down my spine

I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. If you're with someone for 15 years and loved them, and they cheat on you and leave, of course it's going to be utterly horrible. I think most people would feel like you do.

Obviously you have to try and manage these feelings if you have children together, but it's all still pretty recent and it must be pretty raw still, at this stage.

I can't say when it will get better, only that it will

How old are the kids.

I think that’s pretty normal. You’ve got over the shock, and now it’s turned to anger. He also has apparently moved on, and you’ve left picking up the pieces, plus he has betrayed your trust.

Take time to heal.

3 and 6

He has agreed to one night a week and it’s not even a weekend day

There are a few things that can help. Take time to actually name your emotions. The research shows that the act of naming emotions reduced stress response in the brain that these emotions cause.
Recognise that feeling this way is normal - read through stages of grief and accept that you will be moving through them and between them, sometimes entirely randomly. But acceptance will come.
Do your best to work through any ill feelings towards your ex. Yes, he is a twat. Yes, it hurts like hell. But you need to forgive and move on. Not for his sake but for yours. Hating him will only prolong your suffering.

What massively helped me was "Conscious Uncoupling" book.

I honestly can’t believe he could put us through this. He says he is happier now. How can he be happy seeing the kids once per week

Sorry you’re going through this.

Regarding the kids, if he’s only seeing them once a week, then he gets to do something fun with them (‘ Disney dad’) without having to do all the grunt work ( putting them to bed, bath time, keeping an eye on them etc).

Sure but as my therapist kept saying to me when I was raging with anger after my own breakup "It's not about him, it's about you". You can only move on when you focus on what you can control which is your feelings, thoughts and reactions. What he is doing and feeling is immaterial

It’s just a tough pill to swallow that he is happier with than he was with us