To keep DD at expensive private day nursery?

[itstoocoldtoday]

I’m changing my hours next year because DC1 starts school. So my days will be compressed, starting late and finishing early.

DD turns two in July. This means I could switch her from expensive day nursery to the local preschool, which takes children from two and is open 9-3 (no wraparound.) It isn’t connected with any of the local schools. DS goes there now.

However, as lovely as it is, it doesn’t feed them and that’s a massive weight off my shoulders knowing on the days DD attends she eats a healthy and well balanced diet that I don’t have to make or persuade her to eat.

Then there is a difficult parent at the preschool with a son the same age as mine and a daughter the same age and while I wouldn’t avoid it altogether for this reason in its entirety does feel like keeping DD at nursery would be best. DH thinks preschool is a more sensible option. Help!?

A lot of children do. It isn’t uncommon.

But I do think the ‘can’t be bothered to feed her’ line is purposefully combative. It’s clearly more ‘I want my child to be well fed when she’s away from me’ than ‘I can’t be bothered!’

DD currently eats healthy foods but quite limited and my worry is always that when foods are overused she then starts refusing them: she was mad about cucumber at one point but I have it to her too much and she now refuses it. At the moment she’ll only eat bananas fruit wise so if she was to attend the preschool and have banana every day I could easily end up in a situation where she refuses the small range of healthy foods she WILL eat! It’s a headache thinking of dinners for four days a week as it is.

It's very normal IME. Nursery menus are great, very varied and pretty much everything cooked from scratch. They know there's no other options and all the other DC are eating the food and so they just... Eat it.

At home they're much more willing to refuse! Ours only eat very bland food at home but everything at childcare, especially at preschool age. They would always have extra on curry day so we even got the recipe from the cook but they wouldn't even touch it at home, and other parents say the same. It's a very common thing.

Keep her where she is if she’s happy and you can afford the bills. If you move her and it’s more hassle, and she’s less happy, and becomes unsettled you’ll kick yourself. Better the devil you know sometimes.

Me too! For many reasons:

You can drop DD before school - so instead of having to do the school run and then wait for preschool to open at 9, you can drop DD first and then do the school run. Then get on with your day (I’m home before 9).

You can leave DD at nursery for an hour or 2 after school pick up and have some nice 1:1 time with older child. Meanwhile DD is getting a nice hot meal at dinner. Older child can have hot school dinner, meaning just a cold/small dinner needed at home :)

Sending lunchbox to preschool always felt a bit bleak to me personally.

Less disruption to DD if she’s settled in private nursery.

Massive one - presumably preschool is term time only. Nice to have days just with older kid in the holidays, or only have to pay for one child to have to do a holiday club (as younger will be at nursery).

Another big one - avoiding annoying parent at the preschool. Definitely a factor for me 😄

I wouldn’t let a snotty attitude of another parent decide what nursery I sent my child too. It’s their problem not yours. Do what’s best for your family.

My son is 13 and still refuses things in his packed lunches when he’s had them for a few weeks. So we regularly go from cucumber to tomatoes to carrot etc. this is common to lots of children and you might be dealing with it for a long time so I wouldn’t use this as a reason not to move your DD

@itstoocoldtoday how much cheaper is the nursery your son is at compared to where your daughter goes?? it makes pick up and drop off much easier if they are both at the same place/ how long has he got to go before he starts school and which is the closer of the two places?

If money and school holidays aren't an issue, go with whichever one you think offers a better variety and quality of play/learning opportunities and care.

Agree with you re cooking. Hate the planning and executing and the pressure. Time for DH to take over?

Her nursery is near my workplace whereas the preschool and DS’s primary school are more local.

I think DH more sees it as we could sp why not but I know from experience that the preschool is a lot more ‘work’ than the nursery is!

DH only gets back past bedtime three days a week and he is a crap cook!

Sorry if I’ve missed this but will your child go to the school that is attached to the preschool? I think that can be good socially. And lessen the transition up to primary but I’d worry less about that when there’s already an older sibling at the school.

You are entitled to spend your money on whatever you wish and high quality childcare and nutrition seems like one of the most reasonable to me (I say this with a kid who is thriving at a no frills attached preschool).

But don’t make your decision based on a difficult personality. They are everywhere in life and you really shouldn’t let them have that much power over you, your family and your decisions you just need to rise above it.

He'll never get any better without practice? On the days of the week he is back sooner why not tell him he is in charge of dinner as you are fed up of doing it every night. Even if he does jacket potatoes and bean with salad that gives you a break.

On the nursery Vs pre school is there a difference in what they do at each? Will one of them prepare her better for school? Phonics, counting etc.

No i would keep her in the nursery.

I send my LO to an expensive one, I just worked extra hours to manage the budget. But she loves it there, it's a little different to the other nurseries in the area and she has some higher needs so the support and links with the services she is under is totally worth it. Sometimes struggling and rethinking other areas is easier then impacting your DC.

I wouldn’t do that to the kids 🤣

The preschool isn’t attached to a primary school. I think I just see it as why make life difficult? The preschool has a lot of events where you go in with your child and it’s always awkward as hell with this parent there! And the food thing.

DH has the same sort of reaction as others here re ‘just send her with a packed lunch, just ignore difficult people’ but he isn’t the one in a hall being ignored or dealing with a hungry grumpy child.

You DH wants to go for the cheaper but more stressful and complicated option. And how much of the extra stress and complication is he proposing to deal with himself? Or will he magnanimously leave that to you?

A nursery that operates extended hours all year around is great. You'll need that flexibility. Drop off and pickup fir your older child in school will sometimes be complicated with extra time needed for additional activities or to talk with the teacher. The parents who only have a minute to dash in and grab their child abd dash to another site to pick up their other child miss out on a lot.

Good luck with finding a nursery, preschool or any kind of childcare provision, or a school which does not include any child with a 'difficult' parent.

Whilst that’s definitely true, I think it is different at a nursery where you all drop off and pick up at different times and don’t really see the other parents and a preschool that has more of a school gate culture.

I would stop focusing on the food.
If keeping her in nursery means that life is easier for you then do it. You are already flexing for drop offs and pick ups and keeping them fed, safe and warm whilst dh works. Nursery is a lot less load than pre school.
With my last child, I kept her in nursery until reception age. I knew it made life easier having tried the alternatives with my older 2.
Being able to drop off at 8 and collect at 6 made life more doable. Typically she was there 8 til 4.30 but the extra meant that I could do things like the older ones clubs, dentists, hair appts and similar.
I knew that she was having lovely care in a great environment. It was right for me.
So I say do it, and just own the fact that it makes life easier. You don't need to justify it further. I had the odd friend who commented about it, my response was the marginal extra cost is worth every penny to me.

Totally up to you and whether you can afford it.
I would have personally kept the child in a private nursery as it gives you a bit more free time to yourself without two DCs

It’s aimed at me, though, whereas I certainly don’t have issues with any parents at nursery.

Unless you husband is stepping up with meals, drop off and pick-ups, to make the switch possible, he can butt out. If he wants you to do it all, then you also get to make all the decisions.

And indeed, avoiding a couple of years of a cowbag shooting daggers would make it even easier to decide on nursery!

If the choice involves extra work and hassle for you but not him, then it is your decision to make, not his! Otherwise he can make the packed lunches before work (and get up earlier to do it), in exchange for you dealing with the mardy bum parent at pre school!

Do a 50/50 split between the 2? That’s what I’ll be doing and I know a lot of people have done