Controlling mother

[ZanyQuoter]

my Mother was very controlling during my teenage years and early twenties. She disapproved of my friends and boyfriends. She rifled through my belongings. Belittled me and made me give up friendships and relationships. I find it difficult to make friends now I’m older. Try not to get too close to people. Keep everyone at arms length. I have such low self esteem. How can I move forward from this?

Hey sorry to hear this, sounds tough. What's your relationship like now with your mum? Just wondering because it's important to know whether you have managed to distance yourself from her and manage her controlling behaviour as that's important in moving forward with other relationships in your life.

I’m guarded with her. I second guess everything she says and does.

What do you mean when you say you second guess everything she says and does?

Plus, do you limit the information you give her?

shes manipulating and devious

How old are you? These are phases many go through with their mothers one way or another but once you leave home, you have options.

OP I really sympathise- I could’ve written this. As well as pressurising me to end relationships - my mum will railroad me into relationships I don’t want

you sound mature and streetwise about it all though OP so I’m sure you’ll figure this one out and it’ll all come good in the end

I feel obligated to have a relationship with her cause she’s my mother. But in truth - I get panicky around her and have palpitations

I’m like this around my mother, have been my whole life except for the last few years where I have had enough of her behaviour, now I give her back a little taste of her own medicine every time she says something nasty to me and this has given me a lot of strength
She will possibly destroy you if you don’t put a stop to her, you are an adult woman now and she has no right to control / belittle you

I would certainly be limiting what I tell her, don’t give her ammunition

I rolled over, as it were, and did stupid things because my mum wanted me to do them even though I felt profoundly uncomfortable

You owe her nothing!