To not wash the coat?

[Burntt]

Twice a week my autistic son goes to forest school. They have a fire there and he comes home stinking of smoke. Often there will be a smear of mud up his sleeve too. If mud is round the cuffs on on the inside, or it's wet, I obviously wash the coat. But when it stinks if smoke and the mud is what I consider just cosmetic would you wash the coat?

It's a ski jacket specifically bought for forest school. It is a bitch to get dry when washed. He has another coat to wear other days so he doesn't stink if smoke all the time.

His 1:1 takes him and when they get home carer always puts the coat in the wash. I was just taking it out the wash pile and putting on his peg when I feel it doesn't need a wash. Now the carer has progressed to putting it in the wash and is telling me the coat needs a wash.

Am I unreasonable here? I want to tell the carer it's not bad enough for a wash every day but he's got me doubting myself.

YANBU. It’s your house and your son so you decide when it needs washing.

No point in washing it if it’s going right back to the forest.

What does DS say, is he bothered about the smell?

It needs a sponge down and aired, not a wash every time!

YANBU. My son is at a forest nursery and if I washed his outer layers every time they were a little bit muddy or smoky it would literally be the only laundry I ever did. Your 1:1 is maybe just trying to be helpful but it would be fine for you to say it’s not necessary every time.

If it's just for forest school then I wouldn't bother washing it every time.

I would maybe think of an alternative solution through, like a thin shell to go over the coat that can be easily washed and dried.

DGC go to a Forest school. They're pitted at this time of year. It's enough of a wash without the outer layer of coats too!

I would spray it with fabric freshener and air it outside on the line between wears.
Also the Neutradol ball thingies (£1 from Poundland) are AMAZING at removing odours from fabric. I made the mistake of buying something on Vinted that was absolutely stinking of cigarette smoke when it arrived. Popped it in a bag with the Neutradol and poof ... the smoky smell disappeared!

Hang it outside in the garden to air.

Or put it in the tumble dryer on cold.

If my child's coat smelt of smoke I'd wash it every time tbh.

Why does his carer get to decide if it gets washed or not?. Seems rude

I wouldn’t care about the mud, but I would be washing it if it smells of smoke - presumably the coat is being taken on transport, hung in the classroom and in your house etc and I can understand why a carer might find the smell a bit much.

I'd hang it outside rather than wash it every time.

Yanbu.

It needs to be aired. It will do the coat no good to be washed that frequently.

Yanbu and carer is over stepping

Ok thank all. Relief to see I'm not alone in my thinking.

Re the poster who mentioned it being hung in the classroom/on transport. He doesn't go to school so it literally goes in his bag and he puts it on when there. The car is warmed up as carer has driven to our house to collect him so he doesn't wear the coat in the car. It's a thermal ski jacket so far to hot when not outside.

I will sponge it and hang it outside to air. That never even occurred to me

I really don't want to criticise the carer. I don't know what he's paid but I expect it's close to minimum wage. My son is very hard work, very challenging behaviourally and physically demanding. He's my son and I love him dearly but keeping a chipper attitude and not showing a reaction to his challenging behaviour or repeated soiling is hard on even me. We have got few quite a few carer which just couldn't cope. This one is amazing and my son's behaviour with him is much much better.

Carer is a saint who saved my family from imploding. He often will over step his job and do things like make the bed where I've stripped it after son wet it but not made it up yet. I know he's not trying to criticise me he's just trying to help. Obviously we just have different standards!

I think anyone doing his job with a smile on their face is an utter hero

It’ll lose its waterproof-ness if it’s washed too often (though products like Grangers help).

i’d sponge it clean and stick it on the washing line outside to blow through.

It seems people are washing things far too much and it is not doing anyone any favours, least of all the environment. 😕

Yes I would hang it outside to air

You need to find out what the carers remit is and expectations from their employer/agency, do they consider it their responsibility within their registration (the agency) to instruct workers to do this?

If the smell doesn't bother your son it isn't an issue for the carer to deal with. Airing it and keeping as his special Forest School coat is fine.

You will ruin the coat washing it all the time. Don't. It's fine.

The coat will be damaged by such frequent washing and drying. Hang it up to air. Don't load it with chemicals to mask the smell.

Hang it outside for several hours and then see what it's like. Pack it in a plastic bag for in the car perhaps. They are not made to be washed after every wear and airing is a good way to reduce smells.

Obviously talking to her like an adult is the right way forward, but if you also happen to have a wash on when they get back then she physically can't wash it!

The carer sounds great and great carers are hard to come by but the jacket doesn’t need washed every time, just have a chat with him.