I want to hibernate AIBU?

[HazelTheDormouse]

I can’t carry on as I am. I’m overwhelmed, frazzled and at boiling point.

I have elderly parents and in-laws constantly moaning at me about the lack of attention they receive. I’ve left in-laws to DH but they still take it out on me. My parent moans every day at me about not doing enough for them.

My company are going through massive change with redundancies, and those left are having to do this extra work, and everyone is stressed and angry taking it out on each other. The commute has got worse and is now 2.5 hours. I am looking for another job but it will take time. A lot of my stress could be reduced with a local job.

I’ve DC to look after and ferry about and GCSE’s and A’levels coming up. My DH is going to be away for weeks on and off.

I need a holiday but can’t afford another one, as we have 2 trips planned later in year.

So, I’ve decided that I want to shut myself off for the month of Feb. I want to hibernate like a dormouse. I’ve booked some holiday, and I’m even thinking of taking a few personal/ MH days as I am burnt out mentally from my job. I will still have to go to work and there are a few things I need to do in Feb, but I’m deadly serious. I want to extract myself and rest and be ready for the busy rest of the year. Of course I’ll be there for my family. They aren’t the problem and TBH staying home and just being with DH and DC will be bliss.

So, AIBU to shut myself away?

Also, I would like tips for shutting myself off, mentally taking myself off when I can’t physically.

Sounds very sensible to me, otherwise a breakdown will have much more far-reaching effects.

I would recommend the book Wintering by Katherine May. I think sequestering yourself with that book and getting away from the internet, could help you with this feeling of wanting and needing a retreat.

Do it. You MUST put yourself first in order to be able to help all the others.

Tell in laws and your parent that you are absolutely swamped and must have a break, and their demands must lessen or you will cut them off completely for a while to recharge your batteries.

How old are your children?

I’m sitting here crying now. I just had my parent on the phone in hysterics as they can’t get a doctors appointment, they called 111, the doctor is going to call them today, they called my sibling and they didn’t show enough empathy so don’t want to talk to them again, and they’ll call me when the doctor has phoned them. FYI my parent is in excellent health. We are talking calling the doctor about a pain, a bit of a cold etc.

It’s my day off and I think I’m going to have to make plans to go stay with them to sort them out.

I feel like everyone is chipping away at me.

You didnt ask to be born op so you dont need to pay them back.
So many parents think its the childs place to care for them when they get old.
You have your own life op go and live it.

"You didnt ask to be born op so you dont need to pay them back"

Wow

So, doctor has called parent, and told them no need to panic. There isn’t anything wrong with them.

So, I’ve spent all morning dealing with this. It’s my day off. I’m still in my pyjamas.

I don’t think I’m going to get to hibernate as I’ve got this to deal with every f*cking day on top of job and family life.

Honestly, the only break I’m going to get is if I collapse and get a trolley in a hospital corridor.

OP be really careful about your boundaries because our elderlies have a habit of reversing the child/parent dynamic.

I'd sit them down and tell them to cut it out that you have enough to deal with and they are perfectly competent.

This is a tough age for us with teens, careers and elderly parents.

I'm a lone parent, heavy career, SEN teen going through GCSEs. So I hear you.

My advice. If work isn't working for you, definitely look to move. Low demand parenting on the DC for a while. Take time off, go for walks and focus on your own health etc if you have a slow cooker, focus on one pot meals, over baked risotto/pasta etc

Take all the corners off absolutely everything you can.

When it's your day off turn the phone off and put it in a drawer, leave it there until the next morning.
If there is a tremendous emergency someone will get hold of you another way.

It’s my day off and I think I’m going to have to make plans to go stay with them to sort them out.

Why? What would happen if you did nothing of the sort?

Just because people call you it does not mean you need to answer. It;s taken me some time to get my head around this. Switch your phone to silent or mute people who drain your energy for some or all of the day. Set aside an hour in the evening to review who called and decide if you need to call them back. Start the call with - I can't be long, I have X coming or have to go Y shortly - so you can get off the call quickly.

You need to devise some stratrgies or you'll go pop. These people are grown ups and can deal with their own lives!

Do it OP.

I frequently wish to fall into a coma for a month or so to get a rest from the world myself.

If you can do it without a coma, do it.

Could you look at booking a few days in a budget hotel?

Just having some space and being able to watch what you want on tv would help lovely.

Tell your parent you are going to be uncontactable for 3 days starting tomorrow. Tell DH and your sibling.

Block their number.

Stop setting yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Unless you secretly rather enjoy playing the Martyr - I have a sister who is guilty of this (yes I have talked to her about it and she agrees)

You have the ability to protect yourself. Use it.