Not my home

4 replies

Underpressurestepdad · 16/01/2025 09:12

Hi I am looking for a little advise

My stepdaughter has had quite a troubled past with drugs stealing from the home etc and treats the home and her parents with little respect, smoking drugs in the house and having other drug users over all hours of the day and night. At one point she moved a boyfriend in by stealth for 18months

She has now got a boyfriend a little older who is not a drug user as I know however, immediately she has had him staying over 3 out of 5 nights taking over a large proportion of the house and not knowing who you are going to bump into in the morning .

My question is that my wife is very acceptable of it and does not want to rock the boat in case of a backlash from her daughter who can be very aggressive. I am not allowed to get involved as she is my step daughter but feel my home is not mine and I have no voice.

OP posts:

TryMyBestToHelp · 16/01/2025 11:04

Hi Underpressurestepdad,

Sorry to hear that you've been struggling with this stress in your home. We like our home to be our safe space!

I think you are fair to suggest some boundaries in your home.

If you are in Hampshire, I would take a moment to look up PSLCharity.org.uk, they provide free support services for family and friends of those using substances. It's important for you to be looking after yourself too!

Best wishes

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/01/2025 11:07

You're not being unreasonable at all but unless your wife is prepared to compromise I think you don't really have many options other than separation. You can't force her to kick her dd out and you can't ask dsd to leave yourself. Have you tried sitting them both down together to discuss how it's making you feel? I assume you've tried that already!

CalicoPusscat · 16/01/2025 11:09

Is this your home?

MounjaroOnMyMind · 16/01/2025 11:10

I would be out of there in a flash. I like my home to be my safe place with only people I've invited being allowed in. I wouldn't want to wake up to find some random guy in the house. I wouldn't want to deal with aggressive backlashes either.

What does your wife think about it?

What would be the repercussions if you did move out? Are there any under-18 year olds in the house?

Flip