Is this comment insensitive?

[CherryBomb98]

My colleague has had some time off work this week due to her grandma being extremely poorly in hospital for the last week and might not have too much time left. She has been off work so she can be with her in hospital. If someone said about the colleague 'she's making herself feel worse, it's only because she's staying with her whilst she's going through it, she would feel better about things if she was only there with her at the end' is this insensitive? So basically saying she is more sad because she is watching her through the week whilst she's really poorly, rather than just being there with her right at the end

Massively ridiculously insensitive yes.

Was this said to your colleague? Or just about the colleague? If the later it's insensitive but probably rooted in prior trauma from whoever's speaking.

It’s not anything that should be said to anyone doing a deathbed watch, as that would be insensitive.

But thinking and saying it to yourself or others isn’t insensitive because while blunt, it can be true for them and many others. It is very much harder to watch someone die incrementally over days, weeks, months, or years than it is to say goodbyes at the very end. However, I know some people think the guilt of not being there and only doing last goodbyes would be even harder to live with. It also depends on what your dying relative wants or does not want- I know I do not want anyone doing a deathbed watch over me but other people find comfort in it.

I think it is a very personal matter, people have different ways of coping, and often even something that seems insensitive comes from a place of caring and concern for the person going through the dying of a relative.

A ridiculous comment and insensitive. Her feelings are personal to her. When my mother died I spent the last week in the hospice comforting her and I am glad I did.

Extremely insensitive. Knowing you have limited time with someone is an awful thing to be going through but you wouldn’t miss it for the world as it’s all you have left before they’re gone forever.