My 9 year old son has been having a difficult time since starting Year 5, and now it’s starting to upset me thinking of him being unhappy at school. I think it’s important to say I googled this and read many threads and didn’t feel the notion ‘they have different friends every week resonated with my son’ which I came across in most posts. My son has always had 3 close friends since reception, he isn’t interested in playing football mainly because of his dyspraxia. When he has tried to join in previously the more boisterous ‘footy lads’ have driven him out the game so he doesn’t bother and that’s fine, not every boy has to want to play football. His friends were always the little musketeers playing games etc and I always felt comforted that even though he didn’t have a big circle or didn’t conform to the more rough and tumble lads that was fine because he had his people. Since starting Year 5, one of his close friends who admittedly has always fancied himself as the class clown, but was a good friend, has started picking and choosing when he plays with him, some days he’s fine with him, other days he’s not very nice to him. One of the other musketeers if you will has gone off to play football, which is fine but he’s since stopped playing with my son altogether, he now goes and sits with the football boys at lunch time and to be honest there’s a few unfavourable characters he’s started to hang out with and he’s made a bit of fun of my son almost to impress them it sounds like, which I found such a shock. He does still have the third friend, he’s a quieter boy. But my son is feeling terribly upset by this shift and has been coming home and telling me he ‘feels like he has nobody’ ‘he feels lonely’ and that he ‘doesn’t have many friends’. I have explained to him it’s quality over quantity and i’d rather have 1 or 2 good, true friends than a whole circle of people who don’t truly know me etc. He said ‘if someone in the class told a joke, they’d laugh but if I said the same joke, nobody would laugh’ - he has been made the joke once or twice but some of these boys who fancy themselves as teenagers and the parents are very immersed in that whole football parent culture which personally some of it is shocking behaviour from adults over a child’s sport. I have spoke to his teacher and he said he will keep an eye and try to encourage new friendships with group tasks, but the groups are all very established and have been for years, of course give or take the odd swapping about which I agree is normal. He does extra curricular activities but it’s sometimes a push to get him to try new things, he says he is ‘bad at making friends’ and worries how he will be perceived. I’m fairly friendly with one of the boys mums but she made a comment recently which made me think she too realises her son doesn’t play with mine now. It’s really knocked me as they were always together having play dates or if one of us was running late or had something come up, we’d help each other out. Now I don’t think I could, because i’d overthink things.
Ultimately i’m just not sure what to do or where to turn, my son is wise for his age and comes out with some pretty deep stuff about it and I hide my hurt and really try to support him and encourage him. I’ve told him to reach out to his friends, see if they want to hang out but I also dont want to force anything. I have tried to gently explain people change etc and friendships will change. I’ve told him he will meet people in high school but 18 months before then is a long time to wait feeling sad and lonely and unwanted.
Anyone in this situation or better still coming out the other side? any words of advice?