For context.
DS is 5.
He has cerebral palsy and needed lots of input from birth onwards... physiotherapy and occupational therapy and speech therapy ....
Is mainly "fine"...behind on gross and fine motor skills, mispronouncing some things, but can walk, talk, with input learn more fine motor stuff, is in mainstream education.
There are some traits that make me wonder if he has autism, but then I also wonder if it's his upbringing.
- Doesn't talk to children his own age. Very chatty with adults and older children. Has been in the same class as his peers for 3 years (since preschool) and not really proper friends with any of them. Says he doesn't understand how to join in.
Has always been this way, used to get upset at playgroups etc. Can now tolerate them but doesn't engage.
BUT is this because he spent so much time in therapy when other kids were having playdates? Plus he was born in COVID. Perhaps some backfilling to do? We've tried really hard with playdates, at preschool and school support has been put in place to form friendships, but it's still an issue.
- Thrives on attention but seems to seek it constantly. Rarely gets stuck into an activity eg colouring, puzzle, etc etc if he's left to it. Hates the idea of "loneliness" eg read a book at school which was along the lines of "mum is on the mat with a book, pat is on the mat digging" etc and got upset mum and pat weren't playing with each other, learning about countries found the idea of islands lonely until I said they have the sea for company etc. At school if the teacher isn't with him directly or doing a group class he just sits and looks at her instead of joining in with the activities around the room. Has always been like this.
BUT is this because he's been used to 1:1 support.
- Very interested in faith in a very deep way. I wasn't particularly religious at his birth but went with his interests. Until recently if it wasn't about religion he wasn't interested at all, is now expanding his interest a little.
BUT is this just a natural preschooler tendency to have obsessions over stuff and this just happened to be his?
- Gets really upset if I need to have time on my own or ask him to spend time on his own (eg if I'm cooking or just want a break etc). Unless he's in the bath. Self soothes by praying. But no matter what I leave for him to do other than a bath, he doesn't get stuck in.
BUT some children want more connection than others?
- chatty with adults. Cognitively picks ideas up really quicky and has a thirst for knowledge. Has picked reading/phonics up quickly. Quick at picking up maths eg discovered monopoly over the Christmas hols and he's already able to add up the dice/money whereas in school they're doing numbers up to 10 and one more / one less.
So presumably he's ahead of his peers in maths?
BUT again, this could be "normal" ...kids excel in different areas ...and I was a very academically bright child too so it could be hereditary.
- Interprets things very literally and have to explain cognitively what we mean as adults. Eg parents at the school gate used to greet their child and play "ooo I'm going to eat you up, nummy nummy" but if I played with my child he'd get all upset and freaked out unless I explained it was just a game. The other day my husband said "my throat is burning" and I had to explain he doesn't literally mean it's on fire but it's just a saying to describe an uncomfortable prickly feelings. These are frequent conversations in my house.
BUT is this just because the English language is quite confusing?
- Often doesn't recognise he needs to go to the toilet even though he's dancing around
BUT is this a typical 5 yr old who doesn't want their play time interrupted.
- The more I learn about autism the more I wonder if I have been masking all my life, but mine presents the opposite way to his in that I was always very independent and seeking solitude. I also took things very literally and was very sensitive.
I just don't know. Number 2 and 4 in particular are holding him back at school...his EHCP was denied as there was "no evidence he needed support and lessons could just be adapted to support his physical needs" but if he doesn't do the tasks the teacher sets unless she's sat next to him she's got an impossible task on her hands...but they said they'd only provide support if he had a diagnosis beyond his cerebral palsy...so I'm wondering whether to start collecting this evidence and seeking a diagnosis....
YABU...sounds like a mixture of his upbringing and cerebral palsy and whilst he does need extra support at school it doesn't sound like autism
YANBU...sounds like autism and a diagnosis, or at least exploration, would help