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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if your wedding day was as perfect as you intended?

34 replies

Yoursfaithfully · 14/01/2025 22:31

I was reading a post on here earlier, about a wedding day where some guests cancelled at the last minute. It got me thinking about my own wedding and the drama that unfurled as the day went on. DId your day go as planned or did you have a few curved balls to deal with as well? It seems so much time and effort goes towards creating the 'perfect' day, I just wonder if anyone ever actually achieves it!

My hiccups:

I got married on the day of Princess Diana's funeral and one of my guests got up halfway through our vows and walked out of the church never to be seen again. I heard later that him and his wife just felt it too hypocritical to be part of a celebration when the rest of the nation was united in mourning, and on reflection they were surprised that we still went ahead with our wedding on the same day. Err, it had been planned about 18 months previously, what were we supposed to do? The vicar did ask for our guests to partake in a minute's silence before the service started so that everyone could acknowledge the event and then move on without it casting a shadow on the rest of the service. It seems that wasn't enough for our two runaways though! AIBU to think if they felt that strongly about it, they should have just not turned up at all?

It didn't stop there...our reception was held at a hotel just a matter of minutes away from Great Brington (the neighbouring village to Althorp) and was descended upon by a host of journalists and press who were reporting on the wedding, while they awaited the arrival of Diana's procession at Althorp House. We had chosen a buffet-style meal for the wedding breakfast, with hot and cold options ranging from a couple of whole poached salmons to beef Wellington and all manner of lovely things in between. However, when we arrived at the hotel from the church, my parents were taken to one side by a petrified-looking manager who had to impart the information that most of our buffet had....gone. Literally gone, as in gobbled up by the hungry journalists, gone. Apparently, when they saw the food being set out in a room near to the one they had been allocated to put their cameras, kit etc in., they assumed it had been laid on in their honour and dug in. It was pretty horrendous, they managed to devour both the salmons, all the beef Wellingtons, most of the cold meats and half the salads before they were spotted and stopped. I honestly can't remember what the hotel managed to cobble together for us, but I do know we weren't charged for any of the food that day, and the evening buffet had obscene amounts of food thrown at it. I don't think I've ever seen so many chicken drumsticks!

Luckily, everyone saw the funny side of it and it was certainly a talking point for a good while afterwards. It didn't spoil the day one jot, as my lovely late Mum said at the time "It's food, not blood". There was plenty to drink, great music for dancing and everyone had a good time celebrating with us. And almost 28 years later, we STILL laugh over it. Although I can't help but think that if such a bodge-up was to happen in today's 'where there's blame, there's a claim' culture, that far more would have been made of it....compensation bayed for, newspapers hunted down and sued, the Daily Mail called in perhaps?

OP posts:
DaftyLass · 14/01/2025 22:38

Our was a lovely, wonderful, crazy, slightly dramatic event.
One the one hand, 120 guests, horse and carriage, all our loved ones, beautiful meal, and a tremendous party
On the other, accidentally forgot part of my wedding dress back home (2 h round trip) found out my dress was see through at the actual church, part of the wedding party got into a fight during the night resulting in a hole in the wall at the venue, two couples split up, one got together (and are now married) one child conceived (not mine) and ending up spending my wedding night sleeping in a hay loft of an active barn.
Woke up in a pile of straw , listening to goats, cows, horses pigs and chickens down below us!

What a night!

Pippa12 · 14/01/2025 22:41

Bloody hell- the journalists eat your buffet!!! That’s horrendous OP.

We married abroad. Sadly my DH Aunt unexpectedly passed away the day before our wedding, meaning his Uncle needed to fly back home as she hadn’t come due to other commitments. We spent alot of time the day before booking his flights, transfers, assistance at airport etc.

The day itself was wonderful but with an undercurrent of sadness due to the bereavement. My DH uncle was adamant we should all have a bloody good knees up in his Aunt’s name and that we did.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 14/01/2025 22:43

Honestly, ours was amazing. Thebonky thing that would have made it better would have been if I could have avoided having my sibling there without causing ww3.

The resounding comments from guests was that you could feel the love throughout the whole day...not sure I could have asked for more.

TetHouse · 14/01/2025 22:45

The vanished buffet is hilarious!

I had no ambitions for anything like a perfect day — we were very low-key, I wore jeans and an old coat, we had two friends as witnesses, and went out for a fancy lunch afterwards. I think the only photograph is of us in a black cab on the way to the restaurant. It was lovely, though!

Nogaxeh · 14/01/2025 22:48

I was mostly glad to get through the day without anything going horrendously wrong and being excruciatingly embarrassed.

I really don't do well in front of large groups of people, or being the centre of attention, so hopefully my wedding was a perfect day for plenty of other people. I did enjoy my mother's and Granddad's speeches though. They were both good with an audience.

KnickerlessParsons · 14/01/2025 22:49

Our wedding day was far from perfect, and that's how I wanted it. It's the mistakes and funny misunderstandings etc that we talk about 30 years on, not the perfect bits.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/01/2025 22:50

You’ve got a great story 😂

I’ve had two weddings.

The second was utterly perfect. Wouldn’t have changed a single thing. Completely uneventful, only 12 of us, the sun shone, I felt a million dollars in my £40 dress, DH was radiant, and I couldn’t tell you what we ate but the cake I made was amazing.

Iwantmybed · 14/01/2025 22:56

Yes, lovely simple low key beach wedding on a tropical island at sunset with our families.

The day itself was undramatic but our suitcases got lost on the way to the wedding with all our wedding clothes and rings in. We had to wear our plane clothes for a few days, thankfully the cases arrived in time. The day before our wedding we both got stung by a jellyfish 🪼 in the sea, sting marks on our arms on the wedding pictures.

Yoursfaithfully · 14/01/2025 22:58

Well, that was its own f-up in my original post! I've just noticed I've stated 'wedding' when it should clearly have said 'funeral' (and too late to edit):

...and was descended upon by a host of journalists and press who were reporting on the wedding funeral....

OP posts:
Sortumn · 14/01/2025 22:58

We kept it simple. Got married abroad with our immediate family there.
We did have to wait for the neighbour to finish mowing his lawn to have the ceremony, because he wouldn't stop for 5 minutes while we said our vows, which was quite funny.
We got married, had some food and then everyone left us to get on with our day by late afternoon. I wouldn't change anything about it.

SP2024 · 14/01/2025 23:00

My first was meh. Nice venue, good food but no one danced. It rained and thundered. The venue was just too spread out and people didn’t come together properly. Probably not helped by marrying wrong person…

My second was fantastic! I just wish I wasn’t so drunk by the end I remember getting home 🤣

Yoursfaithfully · 14/01/2025 23:03

@DaftyLass your day sounds beautiful, see-through-half-a-dress and all, and I bet the bridal suite was an amazing experience!

OP posts:
Didimum · 14/01/2025 23:05

Married a shit human the first time around, but the wedding was brilliant. Married the most perfect human second time and the wedding was chaotic and stressful. C’est la vie.

Chipshopninja · 14/01/2025 23:10

We had a few no shows and some who left early but it didn't spoil things at all. They all had good reasons too.

I think in the run up to it if I'd been asked I would have thought it would have spoiled things but nope.
I had the best day despite things not going quite according to plan.

I think the modern day pressure to have the "perfect day" gets to people

Chipshopninja · 14/01/2025 23:12

Oh and after the wedding one of my relatives left an absolutely scathing and inaccurate review of the venue. Wanker

TicTac80 · 14/01/2025 23:13

I had a fab wedding (shame the marriage didn't last though!). The weird thing that almost happened was one of XH's friends called him last minute and said she wouldn't make it. Her reasons? She was in love with him and would have said something when the priest asked the congregation to speak now (or forever hold your peace)!! That would have gone down like a shit sandwich, wouldn't it? Wedding would have had to be halted whilst priest investigated things!!!

BeachHutsAndDeckchairs · 14/01/2025 23:14

We didn't expect a perfect day, we just wanted a lovely day and it was. It had been raining heavily for weeks and the day before it was stormy but the clouds parted and our day was filled with glorious sunshine.

AlpacaMittens · 14/01/2025 23:25

It was truly a lovely day. Me, my partner of 13 years, and two witnesses. All done in 10 minutes, we then all went out for a relaxed meal, and then back to our (new) home to snuggle with our elderly cat. Bliss ❤️ A day I will cherish for years to come.

WheresMyPrefectBadge · 14/01/2025 23:31

Can't top your day OP - particularly the journalists scoffing the buffet!! But here's my imperfect day..

The night before our wedding it started to snow. This wasn't forecast. My sister was staying with me while my husband-to-be stayed at his parents. As we were going to bed, my sister commented on the snow and said "Don't worry, it's not the kind that sticks." The following morning we awoke to about 4 inches of the stuff, and continuing heavy snowfall. I had to dig out a path to the road, so I'd be able to walk to the wedding car, and sprinkled it with salt and cat litter.

At the church I had to be carried in by the photographer and my brother as it was impossible to walk in my wedding shoes. Several guests fell over. In the stress of getting from the house to the car, I forgot my huge bouquet, so had to carry my MOH's tiny little bunch. The sit-down reception was fine but some guests left early as the snow continued falling and they were worried about getting home.

We then had a call from the evening DJ to say he couldn't get there as the drive up to the venue was blocked, so husband, best man, FIL and my brother went out with shovels to clear the drive. Amazingly, everyone invited for the evening made it - arriving in various combinations of ski gear and snowboots. We called time early however as everyone was worried about getting out!

DH had booked us a surprise night away in a posh hotel as we weren't due to go on honeymoon for a couple of days, but the hotel called to say they had to cancel as staff couldn't get in, so we gathered up some buffet leftovers, were driven home very very slowly (we had planned a taxi but that cancelled too) collapsed on the sofa, ate left over buffet food and watched the boxing on telly.

It could have been worse - there was a wedding after ours that day, half the guests didn't make it and they had to cancel their reception as the venue was inaccessible.

This all happened decades ago, in the 80s, but nobody involved has ever forgotten our wedding!

JC03745 · 14/01/2025 23:32

-For the ceremony, I wanted a harpist, and SIL recommended someone from the orchestra she played in. All seemed fine, we spoke before the wedding to arrange the songs etc. I knew the fee verbally, but no invoice had been sent, no mention of when she wanted paying or how. During my wedding, she accosted my mum asking for payment! I married at 32! I'd organised the harpist myself- my mum had nothing to do with it. The harpist demanded payment before she left the venue.
-I forgot my 'something blue' which was a blue garter. Together 23yrs and married 14 so far though.
-It rained when we should have had the photos, meaning the planned beachside pics had to change to inside the venue.
-The photographer was starting out with weddings and took absolutely no family pics! I'd specifically said beforehand who I wanted family pics with- my mum, nan and brother. I kept thinking 'these will be taken later' because I had so much else going on with the harpist and other things. I never got any family pics at all!

KnickerlessParsons · 14/01/2025 23:33

Yoursfaithfully · 14/01/2025 22:58

Well, that was its own f-up in my original post! I've just noticed I've stated 'wedding' when it should clearly have said 'funeral' (and too late to edit):

...and was descended upon by a host of journalists and press who were reporting on the wedding funeral....

Is make the same comments about a funeral as a wedding. I wouldn't want either to be boringly perfect.

Heelworkhero · 14/01/2025 23:36

We got slightly rained on in our open carriage trailer thing. Also, it went at about 50 miles an hour at one point, which was very blowy and the music didn’t work.
After the ceremony, the vicar disappeared quickly and locked up. My new husband had to keep an eye out while I hitched up my dress and wee’d in a bush!!

But I had no preconceived ideas of a ‘perfect day’. It was just the day we had chosen to get married on. Certainly no years of planning.

5foot5 · 14/01/2025 23:54

I think our only blip was that Mum got so incredibly wound up on the morning she had an absolute meltdown. My lovely big sister was trying to calm her down but that seemed to make it worse, to the point where she claimed she was going to get the bus in to town and miss the whole thing! At this point I burst in to tears too and eventually she calmed down.

For a while I held it against her a bit, but I later realised that she was probably already under a lot of stress with my Dad's health. Very soon later he was diagnosed with cancer and was dead within 6 months.

My DD is in late 20s and no sign of a permanent relationship yet. But I always vowed that come the day she gets married I will do everything in my power to make her wedding morning as relaxed as possible. Breakfast in bed, champagne, whatever she fancies.

liquoricetorpedoes · 15/01/2025 07:07

Can’t beat the journalists eating the food!

Mine was chaotic but filled with love and laughter. We had arranged everything within 2 months whilst I was on maternity leave on a strict budget. Our twins were 4 months old, one screamed through the ceremony and we took our vows both bouncing screaming babies.

My Mum threw a couple of tantrums and we almost had a blazing row as she had taken the babies into another room at the reception and shouted at me that no one was helping or had given her a drink.

The reason for the rush was that my Dad was terminally ill and I really wanted him to walk me down the aisle. He did, it was the last time he went out apart from to the hospital and he died 2 months later. So all the stress pales into insignificance against those memories. Dh and I are about to celebrate our 22nd anniversary.

Papadonut · 09/03/2025 18:19

I had been with DH for 12 years by then, to me our wedding wasn't that special. The location was beautiful, everything went fine, it was grey though. But it was just okay. I don't cherish it, I cherish the fact that I got to wake up with him everyday since we did long distance over a few cities in our 12 years together.