Catty women in office

[DaphneDahlia]

Yesterday I dropped into my company main office. Since Covid the office is not used so much as a lot of staff WFH.
My experience of some of the Personal assistants is dreadful. I walk into the office and feel dread as the atmosphere is very awkward as soon as I walk in. I feel intimidated and see side glances and smirks between them when I speak.
This is ridiculous as I am a grown woman who is close to retirement. Why am I letting such women have a negative effect on me. I came away feeling really uncomfortable and sad.
Has anyone experienced this and how did you cope?

Has this made you feel 'small' when you go in? With deep breaths if needed, try bouncing in, all chirpy, taking up space. Beam hello at them all, ask about their weekends or something, compliment a new hairstyle. Keep it going.

If they're stuck holding a near-empty fort all day, it wouldn't be surprising for them to have developed an 'us against the world' dynamic and perhaps resent interruptions. Try being a pleasant break from their tedium!

@Garlicnorth some good points. I will try to breeze in. I took a deep breath before going in yesterday and felt confident but I crashed and burned within seconds.
It's pathetic really. As I said I'm a grown woman and more senior to them (within a different area).

Have you left something out?

What are the side glances and smirks about?

Or do you have literally no idea?

In life, we can’t control what happens to us and how others act. All we can control is how we respond and deal with it.

Life’s too short to give these women head space. Life’s too short to feel intimidated and small by the opinions of other people.

Simply ignore them. If they are genuinely smirking at each other to mock you then they sound like pathetic, childish, insecure sad acts, who aren’t worth your emotions or time.

Agree with this - if they’re smirking because you don’t have the latest designer bag/fancy nails/fake tan or whatever, they’re not worth worrying about; You’ve got more important things to spend your time on!

Just before you go into the office, try saying to yourself: 'The only opinions that matter to me are those of people I love and respect.' People sense when you don't give a toss about what they think of you and they either stop bothering or start being nice. If they are dense enough to keep on with the eye rolls, the reminder that their opinion is irrelevant to you helps put their behaviour in perspective.

Another way to minimise the effect is to play 'office bingo' Keep a mental tally of what you expect - eye rolls, side glances, raised brows at perfectly straightforward questions. It means you win every time they behave rudely towards you.

It would be good to say "oh gosh has anything happened in here? Has there been bad news of some kind? There's a terrible atmosphere!"

Were they really smirking? Or were they smiling? Were they making you feel uncomfortable or did you just feel uncomfortable?

From your original post it just sounds like you are describing some women in an office who made an expression you didn't like while going about their jobs. Are they actually being catty or do you just not like the look of them?

They sound incredibly bored. Just ignore. I work with a lady like this and she has been at the company too long and loves gossip annd talking about others etc. It’s usually boredom and lack of intelligence.

I'd be more tempted to give them some photocopying etc to do than try and butter them up. But that's probably not the best approach tbh. 😂

I presume they know ok who you are?

Since Covid, I am rarely in the office and my whole team wfh.

When I do go into the office, I don't know anyone anymore! And mostly they don't have a clue who I am, just some random woman rocking up!

I'm also a woman close to retirement. At this stage of my career I don't actually care what anyone thinks of me, quite honestly. What I find is that being really, friendly and nice, very approachable and breezy, and killing them with kindness works wonders. They don't quite know what to do with me, so they end up playing nice too and they do what I ask them, because it would be rude not too. Which amuses me, quite a lot.

No wonder everyone wants to work at home nowadays!

The 'office bitch' has been a thing pretty much since women started working in offices.
I don't think this is even in the top 10 of the reasons people want to work from home.
I notice OP 'dropped into the office' so it sounds to me like she doesn't go in regularly, maybe if she went in more often and got to know people properly she would be less uncomfortable?

I have in several schools I worked in. Women are the worst!

What others have said is absolutely right, we can’t control what others do, so stop caring. It’s not to do with you, other people’s behaviour is always about them below the surface, whether they are insecure or threatened and they just use as others as punchbags to mitigate that.

I’d leave them to get on with it, but if you really want to confront it, I’d walk in and just say ‘’Sorry, have I done something to upset you?’’ If they say no, just reply ‘’Oh, just that I have noticed you smirking/sniggering etc when I walk in, so I just wondered if it’s something we need to address?’’ They will probably feel embarrassed that you have actually confronted them as these types rely on people being too shy or ashamed to say anything. It will stop from then on!

It wouldn't be entirely surprising if women had a negative attitude to a co-worker who expected the worst of them.

Do you happen to be a woman? Are you the worst?

Yes, I am in fact a woman. Both times I was trying to fit into established teams and I always tried to be nice and it didn’t seem to matter. Maybe badly worded and I don’t mean all women. But women can be cold and catty and these things I say are real and have happened to me.

so thanks very much, you couldn’t be more wrong about me. I’m now working in a happy environment and have good friends and relationships with colleagues. In the places I’m talking about I bent over backwards to fit in to no avail. They simply decided they didn’t have time for me to try.

the title of the post is about cattiness. Women can be the worst at being catty.

You’re senior to them? Before you go in, you need to readjust your thinking. How dare they treat you like that. Who do they think they are? Find your rage.

Probably thinking “who the fuck is that?”

no one knows their colleagues anymore

If the personal assistants are expected to be on-site whereas other staff, like the OP, can drop in as and when, maybe this has created a sense of resentment? Like a feeling of there being a two-tier system at work.

it could be everyone who gets to WFH and only occasionally has to come in experience the same awkwardness and mild hostility as the OP. Plenty of posts on this site from posters affronted at the idea of being told to return to the office.

Wow I wonder why people don't like you! What a mystery.