To think I could make friends in a small town?

[Twoshoesnewshoes]

I currently live in a small village. I have four good friends here but for various reasons they do not often want to socialise, which is fine and understandable.

I’m realising I want to do more in my evenings.

there are a couple of small towns around 20 minutes drive from us that SP and I are considering moving to - partly for me this would be to join groups eg pottery class, yoga, get out more and meet new people.
some people have suggested it will be very difficult to meet people now that we don’t have school age children.

i feel optimistic, but are they right?

YABU it’s really hard to meet new friends at this life stage
YANBU you’ll probably find some folk to hang out with
thanks!

@TizerorFizz I think it would be the same for me with exercise class, and I’ve had exactly that with a craft class. It’s really hard to know how to start.

I actually think other people must be looking for friendship. If they don’t want or need friends, you are superfluous. I’ve not kept up with mums from primary school as mine went to a different secondary. It’s not easy if you are not swimming in their pond.

Too young for WI? That’s a bit insulting to WI members who are of all ages from 20s and upwards. I have been going since my 30s.
It’s really okay to talk to people who are older than yourself, they aren’t all ridden with dementia once they hit 40!

No young WI members here. It would be rare! Most people don’t join whilst working age but a few do. It definitely has older vibes here.

Many people don’t have children OP, for many different reasons. That doesn’t mean they go through life without ever making any friends. So yabu for that alone.

I think the key is to try a few different things and see what sticks, where you click with folk. It’s not always what you think it might be - but it also takes time to build up networks. I don’t think 20 mins is far to travel to see a friend though - are you sure everything in a town would be much closer together?

I meant that the primary school days of playground bonding are over.
when I say small town it may be more large village to some… a primary school, three or four pubs, same of restaurants, five to ten shops of the antique/home/deli type

I'm finding this thread a bit depressing... I'm on the verge of retirement, would really like to get involved in things with other people and ideally 'make friends'.
Too many years working from home ... I've few illusions that the lovely colleagues I've known for many years will really stay in touch.

There's nowt going on in our village and it's a fair drive to anywhere that does. The idea of a small town where there are a few things in walking distance sounds appealing but the reality might be disappointing.

@Twoshoesnewshoes What type of activities would you join though? Is there a choice? I’m assuming sitting in a pub all night isn’t what you had in mind?

DH and me regularly visited the pub here when we moved in 35 years ago but didn’t make real friends. Just pub friends. It is now closed though. We helped organise our local ball and went on the village hall committee. DH goes for a drink occasionally with people we met at that time and has now known for a long time, but they are not friends we could count on in a crisis.

We were also aware, fairly early on, that we weren’t invited to private gatherings here. Christmas drinks, parties and celebrations etc : events people held where many neighbours went. We had invited people here so gradually realised we just were not their type of person. We also have had neighbours object to perfectly reasonable planning applications we have made (and got!) but the objectors are big mates with each other. Obviously we are excluded. One neighbour actually put up barbed wire and annexed part of our land behind his shepherd’s hut! WTF! So making friends is not possible!

@TizerorFizz That sounds awful!
umm I was thinking swimming (small outdoor pools are frequent here), pottery class, yoga (though not expecting much socialising there), maybe volunteering at eg swimming pool or something?

@Twoshoesnewshoes I think the same issue arises. Do others want friends? Or are they not interested? It’s been more difficult than we ever thought. We have friends (still) from where we lived before. We haven’t changed as people but we don’t really fit in. We tried! I just would try things out and then look to move.

I do have to say that after I read lengthy objections, from several new neighbours, to minor house amendments on the planning web site, I just decided I’m not interested in trying to be friends. It’s dispiriting but DH and me are ok with our friends and some I would trust for anything and everything.