To be absolutely gutted about this

[Rhian90]

I decided to end my 20 year relationship a few months ago as he was just lazy and uninterested in family life. We have 2 children age 4 and 7. 3 weeks after the split I found out he was taking the children out with another woman and her child (she is a single mum) he only has them one night per week and although I admit I am a bit bitter, shouldn’t they be spending quality time with him instead?

Unfortunately now you are living separately he is entitled to do what he wants with his children when he has contact time with them.

It may not be a new partner (although possibly is). If he is only having them one night a week is he used to looking after them anyway even when you were together. He may be doing that thing some men do of roping in a woman to help with childcare.

What's your definition of quality time? Shortly after I met my partner, we took the kids camping. We had a wonderful weekend with loads of activities for the children, beach time, paddle boarding etc. Would he have spent more quality time with his daughter if they were sitting at home watching TV together?

Unfortunatley unless someone has an order restricting their access to children then there is nothing you can do. This is one of the awful things about breaking up you can request or ask but unless they are putting children in danger it can't be stopped. I mean you said he was lazy so he has immediately found someone who will give a hand. You have to put it to him really to manage that. He will be on best behaviour currently and won’t be like how he was, again very annoying.

Anyone involving new partners with their kids after only three weeks needs shot with shit.

He might just get along with her, and the kids might get along well. I dont see the issue.

I think if you are being honest, what is bothering you is that he is playing happy families with your kids and another woman when he wasn't bothered doing that with you. It sucks.

This just shows why it was good you left him! Well done, some poor other woman can deal with him.
I understand it must hurt, and it’s not right for the kids, but at least they’ll see what normal looks like with you.

I used to go out a lot at weekends with a recently-separated neighbour and our children, who were friends — I had an only child and DH worked away most weekends, his older children were far older and away at school, he only had his son at weekends, and pooling resources gave the boys companionship and fun. I wasn’t shagging him. I liked him, but could entirely see why he’d been such a disastrous husband his wife had started divorce proceedings.

It just hurts as they have been through so much already. I just wish he would have told me to be honest and I found out from the kids. She seems nice enough though.

Fully agree.

But are you sure they’re seeing one another romantically?

As I said above, I evolved a weekend default with a neighbour who’d just separated because it suited us both, and our children. Absolutely no attraction or sexual involvement.

The kids told me she is sleeping at his place this weekend with them

He has to put the effort in at the start otherwise no one would date him.

Your disappointing husband continues to disappoint. You are right that he should be spending quality time with them, and sadly there isn’t much you can do.

Why do men do this? He said he doesn’t want to be alone and will never anybody like he apparently loved me. Bollocks

Is it possible that he's been having an affair with this woman and that's why he's been lazy and uninterested in family life? Of course he should be spending quality time with them but unfortunately you can't dictate what he does or doesn't do when he has the children.

He’s told you the answer. He doesn’t want to be alone. If he loved you that much, he wouldn’t be moving on so quickly. Honestly, if the love of my life left me I’d be a quivering wreck 3 weeks after, not having a new bloke for sleepovers!

You’re just going to have to try to focus on you, and the kids while they’re under your care. I’d tell him that you’d rather they aren’t exposed to new partners unless it’s going to be a long term thing. But if he disagrees, there is little you can do.

Focus on your new life, free of a lazy husband!

Possibly, but it isn’t the right way to go about it is it? Just leave

I don’t even know who he is anymore

Ah, OK. That’s clear. Ugh. He’s a human tragedy, OP. Concentrate on civil co-parenting and be glad you’re no longer a couple. You’re worth more than Mr Can’t Be Arsed.

Jesus Christ. What a twat he is. You are best off out of this. He’ll have her looking after the kids if he hasn’t already.

The fact that he’s already got her staying over when they’re there shows what a thick, selfish prick he is. He cares nothing for their mental wellbeing.

He's lazy so he's finding another woman to look after his kids. Why is that surprising?

He needs to be honest about whether this is a new relationship or just a friendship. He shouldn't be introducing his young kids to a new girlfriend so soon.

Oh, just read she's sleeping at his. Ouch, that would hurt and it's totally unfair on the kids.

He can't be arsed to care for his children on his own for one measly night a week.